When Pigs Fly and Griffins Soar

hey there i'm here to leave a quick review I'm going line by line

"When pigs fly

In the bright blue sky" I love the alliteration here, the way it sounds. Same with

the second stanza.

"Dragons will leap and twirl up so high
That mountains will look like they didn't try" Again the alliteration is on point and i actually see a dragon making a swirl twirling around. Also mountains are

majestic and powerful just standing as they are, so they don't have to try to be

powerful.


"Then minds will be filled with ideas so large

That the genius will soon have to take charge" I think this is a well done

illustration and well worded comparison to inspiration from seeing something

majestic and powerful.

"And the book will be filled with knowledge so deep

That the ocean will look like a shallow creek" I love the way this sounds. And the

rhythm is consistent throughout the whole work.


"Then the wellbeing of all will be assured

With peace, love , and the great outdoors" I think this is brilliant that you

changed the ending sound to make it final.

This is an absolutely wonderful poem GREAT JOB

Hi

I'm impressed by how you used words in this poem.
I love the two-line repeating structure. Making a good rhyme has been a challenge to me as I had to make a good descriptive sentence as well as match the words with each other. Even though this is a short poem, I could tell that you really took your time to pick words and correct sentence structure.
the words you decided to match each other, for example, 'knowledge so deep' and 'shallow creek' was impressive.
You did a great job of delivering the sense of fantasy as well. Even with this amount of description, I was able to picture the world you created through this poem.
I love how you decided to include 'flying pigs'. I'd love to be in a world where pink plumpy pigs fly around the sky.
Anyways, great job and keep up the amazing work.

Hello! This is a random weirdo here to give you a short review.

Welcome to YWS! I hope you'll like it here. We've got weirdos like me and talented writers galore.

I think this is the shortest poem I've seen on here. Short, but sweet. The description in this is well-worded, and I can almost imagine the place you're describing. Because it's so short, it's hard to interpret. But the addition of griffins makes me think of a fantasy world. Could you tell me if I'm wrong?

In my opinion, I think the rhymes are a little forced, but I think I'm the only one that noticed. (And it's not a big problem anyway..)

In all, this is an amazing poem, and I'd love to see more works done by you in the future!

Remember to take what you like and forget the rest. Keep writing!

Hello Book! Welcome to YWS
came by to drop a quick review on this lovely poem

When pigs fly

In the bright blue sky

And Griffins soar

Above the shore,

Dragons will leap and twirl up so high

That mountains will look like they didn't try

Then minds will be filled with ideas so large

That the genius will soon have to take charge

And the book will be filled with knowledge so deep

That the ocean will look like a shallow creek

Then the wellbeing of all will be assured

With peace, love, and the great outdoors.

Hi there Book! Welcome to YWS - it's great to see you already posting poetry. I thought I'd take a moment to review it! I'll be using a review method called the YWS S'More.

Top Graham Cracker - Overall Impressions / Interpretations
My very first thought upon reading the title of this was to wonder if it was somehow associated to two legendary YWSers -> @Snoink and @Griffinkeeper. You see Snoink's favorite animal (as far as I know) is pigs! In fact she broke the Review Star system so now has pigs rather than stars! And then Griff I'm assuming is a fan of Griffins from the name -> so your poem being about those two animals really made me smile in that it could be a reference to that dynamic sibling duo.

The overall vibe of the poem seemed to be a wistful look at longing for a fantasy day when magical things would happen (like pigs flying and griffins and dragons being around) when everything would feel whole and beautiful.

Burnt Marshmallow - Growing Edges
I thought there was a little inconsistency with the capitalization - > You capitalized "Griffins" though there is really no need to if you're not capitalizing other animal nouns like pigs.

Your punctuation was pretty consistent throughout except in the final line "With peace, love , and the great outdoors" you have an extra space there before the final comma.

While I very much understood your first three scene details about pigs, griffins, and dragons - I couldn't quite understand what was meant by 'The mountatins will look like they didn't try" - didn't try... to do what? Do mountains typically look like they're trying too hard?

Another place of ambiguity was "the genius" I couldn't tell if this was meant to be a specific or generic person or god.

And finally I don't know how the speaker is saying all these things would occur like a domino effect - the typical saying is "I will believe [x] when pigs fly" - in this one the "if... then" statement is a little altered. And I'm not quite following the line of logic for how pigs flying (etc) would contribute to peace & love in the great outdoors.

Finally, I think "the great outdoors" while rhyming with"'assured" is a little bit of a stretch as far as why "great outdoors" is tacked on to the end of the poem. If you have to throw away a rhyme scheme to get to the poem you want - that's okay to diverge from it a little too!

Chocolate Bar - Praise
I really liked your line about "The ocean will look like a shallow creek" - good imagery there! I also enjoy the whimsy of pigs, griffins, and dragons too. Would love even more physical description.

Another asset to this poem is you definitely stayed on task with the theme / message you were telling and didn't diverge or get distracted with it.

Final Graham Cracker - Final Thoughts
Overall this was a light and fun poem. I enjoyed giving it a read!!

alliyah