Little Blue Eyes
Such a sweet, little face, such big blue eyes,
So expressive, they have no disguise.
So in.occent, they widen with surprise,
At anything in the untarnished skies
Of a childhood that has no lies
---------------------
This is just a short piece, and I don't really like how it ends with 'ise' all the time, but anyway...comments appreciated......
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,200 Literary Works • 672,081 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!! Just a quick disclaimer that I'm not someone who usually review poetry, this is for the checklist challenge. I won't be able to comment much on anything technical but I will try and tell you what I think it means and how it made me feel.
Anyway let's get right to it,
OKayy...so, well this is a pretty short poem here, and I think surprisingly enough, this one appears to have a fairly literal meaning here, there doesn't appear to be too much depth that we can get to here. It appears to be describing a child, most likely a toddler judging by the context here.
And well I believe that's about all there is to it. We've got ourselves a nice little piece talking of how children see the world as innocent and wholesome as they're untarnished by the bad things in the world during their early childhood. Its a pretty wholesome poem here, and it left me with a smile on its face.
There's nothing much going on here, but I will say this was a lovely read, and yeah, its a simple, wholesome piece that you've got here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hey Boni!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
I was caught by the title of your poem and I have to say, I have never really heard eyes being described as 'little'. I have heard them being described as small, large, or even big, but never little. Sure the title sounds more beautiful this way, but I don't think it has much meaning.
Other than that, this was a really short and sweet poem. Not much to decipher here, so I am thankful for that. But I really was struck by the simplicity of this. It does not have very big or complicated words, and I think its very beauty lies in that.
There is a typo here though. You are missing a 'n' in 'innocent'. It has been replaced by a full stop, it seems.
That's all. This was a sweet poem.
Keep writing and have a great day!
Hey there Boni Bee. It's NaPo season and I noticed that you never got two proper reviews on this work. I'll at least be able to give you one and then perhaps someone else will notice this poem.
I try not to judge a poem by its title but "Little Blue Eyes" does not do much for me on the first glance that I get. Part of this is coming from how you are purposely validating the title within the poem, how it's such a big part of the narrative about the person concerned. Their eyes are a representation of everything that is happening and the "little blue" quality is there to stand for the level of innocence.
One thing that I didn't think I would enjoy about this poem is how you keep a consistent rhyme scheme. I'm usually not a fan of seeing this in works but you manage to keep it short and sweet enough so that the reader doesn't tire of the scheme. And I'm also appreciative of how the rhyme doesn't feel forced, which I was somewhat expecting when the base words here is "eyes". You mentioned in your author's note that you weren't the biggest fan of this aspect of your poem but I think it works very well with the theme of innocence.
The involvement of the innocence theme is something I often see in poems on YWS, but it's usually about some level of corruption. The person your character is concerned with does not seem to be suffering in the way of corruption, but more of amazement and experimentation. This might not have been your intended effect but I get a very, very positive vibe from this work. I don't often find poems that make me somewhat happy but this one does and I wanted to inform you of such.
Now the other commenter noted that they didn't think the last line was strong enough. I'm here and there on that because I think it is strong enough, as long as it's taken with the entirety of the piece. On its own, if someone was picking and choosing at this poem, I can see how they might think it was weak. But with the way this is composed everything ties together and it's looking really good. Maybe a little bit of tweaking in the wording but beyond that, I don't see any other issues.
Good job.
- Lizz <3
The last line isn't as strong as the other lines. But the poems itself was okay.