walking on water

The first time I read this I assumed the perspective was a person walking atop the water but I soon started to develop a new idea. The visual qualities of the water's surface as described here are not entirely accurate but are spot on descriptions of the surface of the water as viewed from underneath. The idea of a world beneath I believe is actually in reference to the world above water as the perspective I think is told from someone upside down and under the water.This idea would make the last line more significant as it implies they were holding their breath as they would if underwater the whole time. The reflective quality mentioned is a lot more noticeable from beneath looking up at the water. In many ways the underside is a different kind of water's surface. This makes the poem darker too, as letting out a breath underwater would most likely mean drowning, in ecstasy and inside your utopia. This adds a certain vibe to it that I like and while none of this may be your intent I would still like to share my interpretation. Drowning while searching for ecstasy, for paradise by giving yourself the illusion of walking on water is a dark image. I think this idea of self-deluded indulgence is a relevant one to today's society and this imagery is not any I will soon forget. Thanks for writing this.

Whoa, BlueSunset. I dig this poem entirely too much (is such a thing even possible?).

I know this is a stellar poem because once I finished it I immediately had to reread it. I'm trying to delve more into poetry, so my instincts are not super critical, but I know something is good if I feel like I need to read it again and get more of it. That last line, "and then, you let out a breath" is fantastic.

What works best for me in this poem is the specificity of it. The images of walking, then running on the water are so lovely. You really bring it alive with details such as "breaking the glass" and "your eyes shimmer / like the water to the sun" and "as if dancing on a mirror". These alone are not necessarily super specific, but something about them being coupled together makes it feel really unique.

A few lines where I felt the specificity of the poem lack, though, were "and I know you've found / your utopia." and "ecstasy fills your system". They're perfectly fine lines, but it seems like we could go deeper. Utopia is so broad: what is utopia for this person? I imagine it doesn't look the same as utopia would look to me. So what is that like? If that adds more length than you want for this poem, perhaps consider a different way to phrase this. Same with "ecstasy fills your system" what does that feel like, that ecstasy? Is there a way to describe this feeling without naming it "ecstasy" to make it a more powerful and specific image to this narrator?

The last thing I wonder about is the end of the first stanza: "the glass of a / world beneath". The "world beneath" feels significant to me in a way that the rest of the poem doesn't explore. This is the only part of the poem that implies there is something underneath the surface of the water that the narrator is on top of, though the final line of the poem implies that something has changed and perhaps the narrator/you is about to fall through the water having taken a breath. Should we feel exhilarated or terrified? I loved the stomach-drop feeling of reading that last line in my initial read - whether that was intentional or not - and I think you have a lot to play with here. Is there something more you can say about the "world underneath" to really amp up the impact of this final line? What is underneath the surface of the water? Will it be kind, or is it dangerous? Once "you" falls underneath the water, will "you" be able to come back? If you can, will you come back the same?

All in all, this was a wonderful read. How you might choose to expand the poem is up to you, though I think at least clarifying those few more broadly interpreted lines will help this poem become more specific and even more powerful. Thanks so much for sharing!

Keep writing!

--Lauren