Young Writers Society

Hello, BlueSunset. Steam1244 here to give you a review. I'm so sorry *hugs you*, I know what it's like to lose a pet; in that way too. I love the format you have used in your poem. Your words are unique, they are different. I also love how you showed us what you felt, instead of telling us how you felt. I am sorry for your loss. I hope you have a great day and I thank you for your time!

Keep Writing,
Miranda

Amazing! So lyrical and just plain beautiful! I have lost several pets before. I honestly can't make any suggestions, as I am new at this myself, but only to say keep at it! As I have just started, could you give me some advice on how to format and write poems? I have wrote one, and posted it, it's called Home. Would absolutely love a review from experienced writers. You really reach to the readers heart, which is something every great poet should have. Hope I'm not being forward in asking for advice and review on my poem. Thanks!

Aw. *hugs* I've never had a pet before, so I don't know how you must feel, but I will say that I'm sorry for your loss. I kind of feel bad reviewing this, but I'll try to give you a few good suggestions.

First off, I love the way you formatted this. Each part links really well to the next, and flows easily. Good job on that! I also really like your use of italics for only certain parts of this poem. Even if you say that the lines picked were random, they seem like good ones to emphasize, especially "the tickle of your whiskers," since this something s lot of people associate with cats. By making that line stand out, you easily link your reader to the idea of losing their beloved pet like you have.

You're really messing with my emotions here. Every single one of your stanzas build up the sadness that an owner would feel after their pet's death. Beginning with you reflecting on your own thoughts and feelings and ending on what your pet feels is a brilliant way to keep the reader immersed with this sense of sadness and despair.

One thing I feel like you could change is replacing "to" with "and" in the last stanza. The way this line is perfectly fine, but I feel that it'd read better as "tears, and know that I truly miss you." For some reason, this word seems to link the two lines better together, at least to me it does.

One other line that caught my attention was "I hope you can forgive me, when I wasn't there." Although you have a lot of tense changes in this poem, this change seems really obvious and kind of confuses me. If you exchanged "when" with "since," I think you can convey the idea you primarily wanted to, but this way, it makes a little more sense.

Overall, this is really good! I could really picture and feel the emotions you expreses in this, so good job on that. I hope this helped! Good luck with future writing!

Hello!

I'm sorry for the loss of your cat

This is pretty good, especially for what it is (poems directed toward beloved pets and such do not really need to be "publishable" to be perfect, you know?) but I'm here to try to help improve this, so take everything I say with a pinch of salt.

I feel like this poem would be much more poignant if it was more condensed into one brief emotion. It's pretty long, which again fits for what it is, but making other people feel something, I feel like it might be better to pack all the emotion you can into a smaller package.
Get rid of fluff: needless repetition, emotionless words and phrases, and just phrases you feel are not as strong as others. Really try to get all the feelings concentrated into a small amount.

Avoid generalities and cliches. There are quite a lot in this poem (again, that's fine for what it is, but not to be "publishable"). Make this about YOUR cat. Not just any cat. Strangely enough, readers actually feel more connected when something is specific than when it's general, which goes against intuition sometimes. You'd think people wouldn't connect to something so specific, but they do!

The cliches in this poem are kind of everywhere. Perhaps you could avoid sort of over-dramatic statements of this grief. Like, I'm sure you are feeling a lot of grief, but you're sort of telling us about it rather than showing us, describing how you feel, etc. There's so many heart-wrenching concrete images you could give us, but you really don't give us any. Don't be afraid to shock the reader with gory detail, or show us your soul. Did the world seem empty of color? Show us! (don't tell us because that is a cliche!) Did the floors of your house seem empty? did your bed feel cold at night? Sure, it's sad you'll never see your cat again, but WHY is it so tragic? Maybe assume that your audience thinks cats are useless. That might be an interesting poem! I'm not sure though! I'm just trying to give ideas for what would move this beyond just a letter to your cat.

I do think this was sweet and well done for its purposes! You really don't have to change it at all, but I feel the need to give suggestions for improvements in my reviews!
Keep writing!
~fortis

HEELLO Blue Sunset,
Poem about the death of a beloved family pet. I'm really sorry for your loss. Cats are so sweet... and yours was run over in a car accident.
For some reason, I feel kind of nervous reviewing this poem. It's so....sad. Depressing. There are a lot of poems on despair but...this one doesn't quite fit into that category. It marks something else, something new.
This is a very emotional poem. I kept a solid face outside as I read through it, but I was dying alongside you inside. It really touches the reader's heart. A pet is almost like a family member.

Sincerely,

Night Kaizer

Wow, I can tell you really loved your cat; losing your fur babies is so hard. I really like how you emphasized certain lines with italics, although I cannot find a pattern for why you did the ones you did? Sometimes poetry is the best way to sort through our emotions, and that shows through in this.