Rin's Time as an Exorcist: Chapter 2

by BlueJayWalker10

Published March 11, 2016

12+

In Fanfiction

Chapter 2

Shadows

I slapped the controller on the coffee table beside me, not even bothering to sit up.

This is supposed to be an E-rated game? Yeah right, I thought, looking at the clock. Neither the Bottom of the Well nor the Shadow Temple was something any sane person would consider E-rated.

Only took me an hour and a half, eh? I thought, the clock saying it was only 11:05 PM. That's a new record.

I managed to thump my way into my room and under my covers before sinking like the Titanic into a deep, blissful sleep. Sleep is a thing of the gods, I thought in a dreamy state.

****

Kudikara was in my hand, my blue flames blazing. I looked around, though the corridor I was in was dark. 

"Anyone there?" I stuttered, placing my other hand on my blade.

Someone screamed in front of me. I ran forward.

A young woman with chocolate brown hair stood, tied to a crudely made crucifix. Ghouls in the forms of dogs ran around her and a man standing behind her chanted something from a black book.

Oh, damn, I thought, sprinting forward.

"Emany. . . Nevaeh. . . Nitra. . . Oh. . . Whrehtaf. . ."

"Hey, YOU!" I shouted. "The hell?!"  

"Well well!"  a voice I knew all too well responded. "If it isn't my one and only son--come, welcome this old man to the realm of Assiah, your one and only. . ."

My eyes widened. I stopped dead in my tracks.

"NO." I stepped back.

"Papa!" Satan's flames, not my own, shrouded me.

"NODEB. . . TE MOCMOD. . . EMANY. . . NEVAEH NITRA!"

****

A loud rapping on my door woke me up.

Cheesecake? I wondered drowsily, attempting to sit up. I'd apparently rolled to the edge of the bed, though, and my hand did not hit the soft comfort of my pillow.

Nor did I hit my firm mattress, which would have also been good support.

No.

It came in contact with clear air--and I ended up awkwardly shoulder rolling out of bed, getting tangled in my midnight blue duvet.

"You all right in there?" Yukio asked, stepping inside my room.

"Eh, what? Y-yeah, I'm fine. . ." I muttered. But what was that dream?

"Shoulder rolled out of bed again, I see." Yukio smiled wryly.

"Shut up," I groaned, standing up and stretching. "You know how your big-brother is."

"I also know that my big-brother is bigger by two minutes," Yukio said, poking my shoulder accusingly.

"Hey, that's still older than--Whatever." I attempted to smooth out the back of my bedhead hair unsuccessfully, walking to my desk to grab a comb.

"You're lucky it's a Saturday, Rin," Yukio said, scratching his neck. "It's nine forty-five."

"Mmhm," I said, combing out my rebellious dark blue hair and checking my phone. "Because it's not like I have school or anything. Ain't starting for another month, unless I slept through July. Summer vacation, remember?"

"Yeah, but night-class," Yukio said.

"Starts at night," I retorted, walking to the bathroom so I could wet the comb. What was that chanting? It sounded familiar. . .

"And I'm sure that you're not the King of Procrastination and have all your schoolwork done."

He had me at that one. I growled in defeat.

Yukio shook his head in exasperation. "Rin!"

"Emany. . . Nevaeh. . . Nitra. . . Oh. . . Whrehtaf. . ." I muttered, remembering. "Nodeb. . . Te mcmod. . . Emany? Nevaeh nitra. . ." 

Yukio stared at me and began to say something, but was cut off by his phone ringing. He picked it up, walking out of the room. "Yukio Okumura speaking. . ."

He came back a few minutes later.  "Just go take your shower--I gotta go. Duty calls," my twin said.

"See ya," I said.

Twenty minutes later, I was munching on some French toast and eggs while re-watching the first episode of Blood Lad. Kuro jumped into my lap.

"What? Yamada's dying?" Staz yelled from within the screen. "Never heard of him."

I chuckled, then began to cough because my mouth was full of French toast.

My phone rang, though the caller ID was simply "UNKNOWN." Getting calls from either the Knights of the True Cross or people they gave my number to for exorcisms, I didn't think it was odd.

"Ye-'ello. Rin here," I said, answering the phone.

"Hello. . . I'm Izayoi Ryuzaki. I'm assuming you're Rin. . . . Okumura?" the man on the other side asked.

"Yup, I'm an Okumura."

"Ah! I'm calling on a recommendation from a man. . . Meliodas?"

"Mephisto?" I asked, my tone indignant. Never thought I'd get a recommendation from that particular man, I thought.

"Yes! Em. . . Something's wrong with my daughter, you see. . . ."

"And what would you need my help with. . . ." my voice trailed off as the reason dawned on me. "Symptoms?" I asked.

"Oh, no, no symptoms," he said hurriedly. "She's gone."

"Kidnapping? . . ." I asked. What's that got to do with me?

"Well, I found out that my home was built on ancient burial grounds," Izayoi said.

"And your point is. . . ?" I prodded. 

"My brother-in-law, Rentarou, is an Exorcist, you see. I've spoken to him about this, but he can't come check this out--he's out in Germany at the moment."

Recognizing the name of the second highest ranked Exorcist with True Cross, I began to see where this was going. ". . . Yeah, I'll come take a look," I said.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Toboldlygo
Review
Toboldlygo wrote a review Review · May 29, 2016

Happy review day! Toboldlygo here to do one!

I'll be honest, at first, I didn't know what to make of this. I definitely like the concept you're going for, but I feel a little lost after reading it. I'm still not actually sure who Rin is or what an exorcist is. Of course, I know what an exorcist is in the Catholic Church, but is that what you're writing about here? It doesn't seem to be. So I'm not entirely sure what he does.

The biggest thing I noticed was that at times it seemed a bit disjointed. The video games led to a dream that seemed unrelated, which led to a call for an exorcist. In addition, I felt that there was a lack of action in this piece. The dream was interesting, but it was hard to understand what it meant. Then, Rin gets a call about a girl who disappeared, but they it stops. This chapter is very short and I think it would be better to have some of his investigation involved here. It seems that it cut out just as the action was starting to happen. And there wasn't a lot of character development here, either, which made me feel a little empty by the end, without either the action or the character development. I feel that we don't really know anything about Rin as a character, or his brother. Why is he in school, is this school school, college, or a special exorcism school? What is this class? What about parents, is he a kid? How did he end up an exorcist? Why is he an exorcist for only a month, as the title implies? All of these are questions that remain unanswered.

Yokio has to go, "duty calls." What does Yokio do? Is he also an exorcist?

While I think you have a fantastic story emerging here, at this point my biggest critique is that it needs more sustenance. It just doesn't feel complete as a story so far. It's awesome, but it needs a little more.

Happy writing,

Toboldlygo

Aha! I see we've got a newbie here.
Well, first off, we're in chapter two here.
But also, I'm a fan of an anime called Blue Exorcist. This is my fanfiction for it, from the point of view of the main character, Rin Okumura. As you can probably guess, well, it's also about Rin.
Rin is currently an exorcist, yes. He's got school to continue his exorcisim training so he can rank up past intermediate first class (mentioned in the first chapter) and control his powers (he's the son of Satan, so he inherited his father's flames. Sadly, they're a bit difficult to control).
Yukio, his brother, is also exorcist. A higher ranking and class than Rin, but I won't go into specifics since it seems you haven't seen the show before.
I'm trying to write a story that takes place after the anime specifically (since the anime didn't follow the manga) and I don't want to have to recap everything with several chapters. It's somewhat explained in the first chapter (with Rin indignant) but I'm writing this story under the assumption that you've already seen the anime or read the manga (Japanese comic).
All in all, I also think that it does need more sustenance, but I'm still working on several other stories, so I decided to publish this chapter as it is instead of leaving it unfinished for another month or so.
Anyhow, thanks for the review! I'll keep what you said in mind.

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AngelFics Comment
AngelFics commented Comment · Apr 3, 2016

I actually loved the story. Not to mention it's night here. And my neigbor keeps saying he sees ghost so it's hard for me to read at night. But yours is different. I liked that. And it's amazing. See ya.

Why, thank you! It's good to know that somebody enjoys Rin's Time as an Exorcist.

User avatar
Spartan118
Review
Spartan118 wrote a review Review · Apr 3, 2016

Well I am going to review your work today and since it's review day I might as well review all your works so far and I hope you don't mind that it's long and i don't know if I am actually going to write a good review or if it's going to complement your work or not so yea. I think this one is a little confusing cause it makes so little sense cause you miss his dream and its obvious that he has one. If you where to add the dream I think it would have been something that could have made this part more interesting. The more I read this story the more confused I get though I see that it picks up from where it left off in the first part. I think that this part of the story needs more lines to make sense of this part of the story. I wish I could think of more to say about this piece cause I don't know what to say. To be honest this story had lost my interest a couple times and wasn't as good as your first chapter cause you left out a lot of information that could be pointless but entertaining to your audience.
Have a good day, evening, morning, or night depending on where you live.
I hope to see the next chapter to be better than this one and you should try harder than you did in this chapter and I hope yo see more of your work in the future.

Well, I don't mind at all that you're going to review my works. Go right ahead!
It's obvious that he had a dream? Huh. I didn't realize I did that--no, he didn't have a dream haha.
I guess that's just the effect of writing a different book, Northeast, where the main character DOES have dreams that are relevant to the plot, prior to writing this chapter.
Perhaps I should add one, though. Yeah, I realize that this chapter was rather slow--to be honest I was just trying to crank out a chapter after so long--and I wasn't really pleased with it. I'm thinking about rewriting it more and making it less Rin's conversation with Yukio and something more.
Thanks for this review!
-Jay



Pigeon poop is the best way to solve problems.
— Pompadour