Upon a berth of stars she lies -
The darkness she doth tame;
The Silver Queen of shadowed skies,
Eternal night she claims.
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Soft light her regal crescent shines,
Cold beauty of the night;
Flowers of the sharp-needled pines
Blooming beneath her light.
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The lonely traveler she guides,
Immortal tunes she sings;
By her rule does the night abide,
To her love people cling.
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The stars behind her seem to blink
They, her attendants, are;
And all below them seem to think
How lucky be the star.
------
For when I age and am to die,
And mercy should Death show,
I'd like my dust among the stars-
Amid her divine glow.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,800 Reviews
Hello! This poem is absolutely amazing! It’s a very creative and exprecive way to describe the moon. I’ve never actually thought of the moon as a ‘Silver Queen’ before unroll I read your poem.
Over all, I think you did very well. Although, I do agree with TurboEnhancedDragon on this one. There is some roughness to some of the lines and the transitions between the different stanzas could have been a bit smoother especially with the first two. But over all it was still a very good read regardless.
Thanks for the review!
This poem is beautiful and the moon is beautiful. I really enjoyed your eloquent use of metaphors and descriptive language! It took me a moment at first to realize that each line alternates between 8 syllables and 6 syllables.
When reading it out loud the switch between the first and second stanzas felt somewhat awkward. the first and second stanzas alone are both beautiful, but the transition between them is a bit rough. Also, with the word beneath, while reading out loud, it feels smoother if it was changed to 'neath, but it also breaks the 8 6 8 6 pattern, so it's your call there.
overall this poem is beautiful, and personally makes me happy to read it. (Especially since I love the moon.) I actually wish this poem was longer!
Keep up the fantastic work, I hope to see more of your writing!
Thanks so much for the review! I'll work a little more on the flow. Thanks again!
you are very welcome!
I love this so much! . It's so mysterious and uniquely written.
This is seriously an awesome poem!
Thanks so much!