the striker project a book in the works

Bolt, I think you've got some good stuff going on here, but I'd like to bring one thing to your attention regarding your grammar. Now, I know that it can be daunting to deal with grammar with longer pieces like this, but I have faith in you that you can pull through it! Let's look at it:

Why you here? Go somewhere else.

This is nearly two years old, and a piece of crap. Why did you bother reviewing this?

Bolt, I really liked this because I'm into this kind of thing. I personally think you did really well. I really didn't even catch your mistakes because I was so involved with the story! But like everybody else said: Show, Not Tell, and remember to proofread before you post! All in all, I thought you did really well!!! Keep up the good work!!

I liked the begining actually, only I didn't like the part about that you say to much "the man did this, the man did that" too mechanicall in my opinion. This is scary, to be honest, poor baby! You did a good job, no wpolish it! I'm sure this can go on to be an excellent book! You had a few spelling mistakes, but then again, don't we all. Fix them up- I'm sure everyone told you to, and fix the mechanicall things by adding a little adjectives like "The man put him on the table with a sparkle of hope in his eyes" or "the man slipped through the corridors, scowling at the frozen floor," or something along those lines. This is really just my opinion though.
Anyways, keep it up!
ofir

I would change the beginning of the chapter if I were you
thats really the most important part you have to hook your readers into wnating more
other then that it was cool, had a few erros =P
keep on writing woot

Hey, Boltageman!

You still need to write those reviews- you need four now!

Onto the review...

The fluff around the hospital made it look old and broken.

The baby was very cold and was probably sick by now.

The baby was a boy not even an hour old wearing a diaper and wearing an ACDC T-shirt fit for a man.

and just pushed him in to the building barley standing up on the ice.

One of the men held a plastic mask to the baby’s face and the whining slowly softened and slowed until it ended. Another man pressed a button on the cylinder and it slowly filled with a slimy green liquid. A third one opened a small a draw in the table and took out an assortment of scalpels and a needle. The same one took the first on and cut a line down the baby’s chest, and put the needle in to his stomach. The baby winched but then calmed down. He refilled the needle with another needle and en put it in an a few other organs and veins the stopped. A forth one stitched the baby up and then handed him off to the man near the slime and he put him in through the top. The baby rested there sleeping as the stitches healed quickly in the ooze and slowly made the baby stronger and he drank it.

very good plot and nice beginning of a story. Only thing to improve on is the Show and Not Tell bit, as i found myself wanting much more description and a more prominent writing style... but apart from that it was a good story. If you do end up making this into a book, could you please PM me with the next sector? I look foward to reading further into this!

Umm. I have a feeling that this was a prologue and that the baby was only an infant. That means it doesn't have a name. The guy carrying it to the hospital probably didn't care whether or not it was a boy or a girl.
So yeah.

Peace, Love and Sugar Packets~
Forever Threnody

Negatives:
A cool story, although one thing did confuse me:
A forth one stitched the baby up and then handed him off to the man near the slime and he put him in through the top. The baby rested there sleeping as the stitches healed quickly in the ooze and slowly made the baby stronger and he drank it.
Okay, the stitched healed in the ooze, made the baby stronger, and WHAT did he drink? Also, I would've liked to know 'the babys' name. Sam, or Marsha? Is it a boy, or a girl? And only one more negative; If you've written anything before, you've probably heard the YWS slogan (slogan?): "Show, don't tell". Here's a link to a page that explains it: http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/post487083.html#487083

Positives:
Very interesting story, it had me on the edge of my seat! The first paragraph was really good. I would like to see the next part!

This was an amazing piece of work. I loved it. I can't wait to read more. I just made a few changes in bold~

boltageman wrote:The snow blazed around the hospital streets. It was the strongest storm the small town had ever seen. The fluff around the hospital made it look old and broken. In actuality, it was very new. (it flows better like this) The hospital had been closed the month before, because of bad wiring and plumbing. At the beginning of the winter all the pipes had burst and spread through the halls making the place an icy death trap.
A single man was standing in the parking lot pushing a stroller with a wailing baby. The baby was very cold and was probably sick by now. The baby was a boy not even an hour old wearing a diaper and wearing an ACDC T-shirt fit for a man. The man ignored the baby’s whining and just pushed him in to the building barely standing up on the ice. (was the man barely standing or the building? Make that clear.)
The man walked down the twisting corridor that did not fit in the hospital right. It was fit more for a maze. (run-on sentence before) He appeared at the right room miraculously. He put a key into the door and pushed it open to reveal a very plain room with only a table and a large cylinder in the corner. The man placed the baby on the cold steel table and as he did several men appeared from the shadows. Each man wore a buttoned up white coat and a surgical mask with their haired tied up in black bandannas so none stood out.
One of the men held a plastic mask to the baby’s face and the whining slowly softened and slowed until it ended. Another man pressed a button on the cylinder and it slowly filled with a slimy green liquid. A third one opened a small drawer (?) in the table and took out an assortment of scalpels and a needle. The same one took the first one and cut a line down the baby’s chest, and put the needle in to his stomach. The baby winched but then calmed down. He refilled the needle with another needle and en (this sentence is unclear) put it in an a few other organs and veins the stopped. A forth one stitched the baby up and then handed him off to the man near the slime and he put him in through the top. The baby rested there sleeping as the stitches healed quickly in the ooze and slowly made the baby stronger and he drank it.