Jinx's POV
The wind whipped through the brunette girl's hair as she flew over the trees. Her black hoverboard left a neon blue trail as she zoomed away.
"C'mon, keep up!" She looks ahead of her to see her childhood best friend who had called out to her. His messy blonde hair whipped back and forth as he too whips pass the trees on his red hoverboard. A small smirk finds its way across her features before she narrows her eyes and picks up her pace. She grins as she pulls up next to him
"Race you to Max's trail!" She laughed as she quickly pulled away and zoomed off towards the old camping trail. A few minutes later they were neck and neck again. The trail was right there... There were both about to reach it. At the last second the boy turns his head towards the girl and opens his mouth to speak.
"Ms. Foster! Ms. Foster please try pay attention!"
"Huh?" I look away from the window and towards Mrs. Jackson. She shakes her head at me.
"You should at least try to pay attention to class." I stumble over my words.
"I-- Uh-- I was." The lie escaped my mouth before I could catch it. She turns back towards me and raises an eyebrow. A sarcastic 'Mhm' escapes her throat as she turns back to the screen on the wall, where our lesson was. I slump down in my seat as a few other students snicker. Out of the corner of my eye I see the new kid watching me with a worried look on his face.
Shrugging, I turn my attention back to my ET, where my homework score was in. 73%. It was ok, but I really needed to start paying more attention... Even when I was young I would tune out a lot, never got out of the habit I guess. I sigh and save the new homework for this class. A glance next to me shows Levi narrowing his eyes at the screen of my ET. Our school was the only one around here that could afford ET's. Still, a soft chuckle escapes my throat at the thought of living without one.
Eventually class was dismissed, though I had to stay behind for Mrs. Jackson to speak to Levi and I. Mostly Levi.
"Alright so here is your ET, your schedule is on there. Its free period right now for both of you so Jinx can explain it to you." She rambles on about a few other things while I hang back, looking back out the window.
"Ms. Foster." With a small 'Hm', I turn my attention back to her. "Please try to pay more attention, we can't have you fail due to tuning out." I simply nodded, ready to get out of here. "Alright, dismissed." She hums while shooing us out of the room and closing the door behind us. I immediately sigh in relief. Hopefully I could see normally without all the yellow now. A look to my right shows Levi looking back at the door. Standing next to him I realized he was at least half a head taller than me.
"Are.. all the teachers that... Colorful?" I turn my eyes back towards him.
"No. Thank goodness. Not sure how one person can take so much yellow without going blind." I grumble quietly.
"Well.. I guess it wasn't too bad." I raise an eyebrow in response.
"So that didn't hurt your eyes when you walked in?"
"Not really, no."
"Jeez, what are you? Some kind of alien?" I said jokingly, though I did see him stiffen up at the notion. Such a weird person. "Anyways, lets go. I want to get this over with." I sit on the bench a few feet from the door and hold my hand out, "Let me see your ET." Without a word, he sat down next to me and handed his ET over. I eventually find the little circle on the side of the ET and show it to him. "Just place your finger there and wait a couple of seconds."
He nods and places his finger over the circle after a few seconds the screen beeps and a message pops up.
Blood Irrelevant, Please try again.
Levi's eyes widen while my eyebrows furrow. "Weird.. It must be a dysfunctional one. We can go to the office to get you a new one." Levi looks at his phone.
"I-- Uh-- Something's come up, I gotta go, I'll get it later. Thanks!" He said before standing up and practically sprinting away.
So weird..
Levi's POV
I walk quickly down the halls. I had used and excuse to get away. Damn. I should've asked what that thing was before putting my finger on it. That was a close one... I'm gonna have to hurry with this mission. Max said there was another Jumper here, I'd have to find him fast - Before I get caught and before he gets taken by Zalgo.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Heyo, Hiraeth here for a review!
I've had a brief read of the first chapter so I have a rough idea of what's going on. I want to talking about Levi and Jinx's POV first, switching POV within one chapter is usually unheard of in published books. This is due to two reasons, one because why do it in one chapter when you could do it in two? It looks nicer and it's also neater. Two, it's because having the two POVs in the same chapter tends to be massive spoilers not only so; it can also be very confusing. Take Levi's POV in this chapter, there was barely anything. It seemed very rushed, it was basically informing us why he ran away. I think a little bit of suspense won't hurt here, you don't have to tell the readers absolutely everything that goes on.
Because it appears the Levi is a jumper (what's a jumper?), and who is this Zalgo guy? Levi's POV actually creates more confusion and question. As for Jinx's POV, it seems like a bit of a filler to me. Yes, Levi is introduced but you don't spend enough time of Levi interacting with Jinx for the readers to be interested in them. Right now, their dialogue is pretty flat so see if you can add some emotions into your dialogue.
The flashback at the start was interesting but at the same time I don't really see how it correlates to the rest of the chapter, who is Jinx's childhood friend? They weren't mentioned anywhere in the chapter again, if it's nor relevant to this particular chapter and doesn't do anything to move the chapter along then you should nix it.
At the moment, I'm more curious about more Lexi is. You've got a good premise here, it just needs some tweaking. if you got any questions, please don't hesitate to ask me.
-Hir
Love this novel that you are writing! Chapter 1 was great and I'm so happy to be reading the second chapter. "'You should at least try to pay attention to class.' I stumble over my words." I'm confused at who is talking the teacher or Jinx? Again confused, "'Are.. all the teachers that... Colorful?' I turn my eyes back towards him." And again still confused "'Well.. I guess it wasn't too bad.' I raise an eyebrow in response." Levi's POV was a little odd. This chapter wasn't as good as the first and over it's very short and seems irrelevant. I don't know if that's the right word I'm looking for but the chapter seems like it hasn't obtained anything. Beside knowing something's up with Levi. I guess I feel this way because Levi's POV was so odd and sudden.
Anyway to sum things up the chapter seems very rushed and the grammar is confusing. I'm sad to say that this chapter is a little disappointing after reading chapter 1.
Thanks for the review.~ It was a bit rushed, seeing as I try to update each Friday and school is kicking my butt. My style of writing is a bit confusing I guess.. Gonna have to work on that.. >.> The quality of my chapters always seem to go down as I progress. Horrid flaw of mine.