As we walked out the tunnel I could feel his eyes on me. Those eyes I'd seen so many times over the past year. Twelve times we'd faced off against each other. Six finals, two semi-finals, three-quarter finals and a fourth round. In the opposite order, of course. My trajectory had been meteoric this year. I'd finally caught up to him.
I set my bag down next to my chair and slipped my racquet out of it. My name, Dom Reiger, was written in fluourescent yellow block capitals that glared out at whoever held the racquet. My racquet had always had a better game-face than me, which was mildly irritating. But it seemed to do the job. My fluourescent pink top matched with it and made me seem like a comet flying about the tennis court. It really confused people.
But not Felix Lauder. He'd had me figured out for years. Any victory I'd had over him had felt like fighting an ogre in its lair. He always had the upper hand, and he wasn't scared of anything. But the victories had happened. There was no reason why it couldn't happen today.
"Heads or tails?" the umpire said to me.
"Tails. I like dinosaurs," I said, almost before he'd finished speaking. Felix giggled and I knew he was thinking about the argument we'd had the week before about whether or not T-Rex's had had tails.
The umpire shook his head at us but there was a smirk on his face too. Then he pointed towards a photographer who was waiting to take a picture of the three of us, plus the two ball-kid mascots we'd walked out.
After that, the photographer wanted a picture of just me and Felix. Felix put an arm over my shoulder and smiled wide, his blonde fringe enjoying its last few moments of freedom by flopping down over his eyes. Then he pushed it back with a headband and we started the knock-up.
For my first ever match at the tour finals, the first set went past remarkably nonchalantly - and in my favour. Felix nodded as he went to his chair but there was no smirk about dinosaurs in his eyes. In fact, they weren't on my mind at the time either. It's like we're different people when we play. We don't have any jokes, might as well just be a first time meeting between the world no. 39 and the world no. 121. We're 1 and 3 at the moment, so we see each other constantly, but during a match you'd never be able to tell that.
Accordingly, going by the record of our last three matches, Felix levelled. The match before those he'd taken in straight sets, and the many before that. I was rather glad to go three sets, even if it did feel like a mechanic was going to have to repair my body after as I was done.
But none of this was what I was thinking. I was thinking food, water, concentrate. Also backhand. I was thinking about my backhand. My wrist felt a bit funny. I'm fine, don't worry. But that's probably all I was thinking about at that point.
So of course we get into a tie-break, because my nerves weren't shot enough apparently. It was 6-5 to him, and he was serving. But I probably wasn't thinking about giving up, just returning. I don't really remember. It's mostly just images at that point.
Then the ball was hit long. And it doesn't really matter whether I remember who hit it long, because all I remember was unutterable happiness. See, it's a win-win situation when we play. Either I win, and well, obviously that's good. Or he wins, and I run up to the net and he's my Felix again and he's so happy and I can feel it. 'Cause I feel his happiness running in my blood like it's my own.
What I remember from that moment is us leaning over the net, shaking hands, embracing, kissing. There was the vague notion of me having lost the match, which I'll be properly sad about later, don't worry. But more important was Felix smiling and making a joke about curry under his breath 'cause it's our anniversary today and whichever one of us lost has to cook dinner for the other when we get home tonight.
--
A/N: Worried the ending's a bit sudden. Pretty much said all there is to say though.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hey Biscuits, it's me, that guy outvaders. I'm lining up this review for my third star (yay), so let's get right into the news.
-Perhaps the greatest strength of this story lies in its characters. They feel very human. There is a whole treasure chest of subtleties in these characters, like the dinosaurs and the personalizations on the main character's racquet. Even the umpire has a bit of life in him.
But you've heard this stuff already, have you? I mean, you already got praised a lot for this, so you must be looking forward to something else, right?
-One flaw this story has is its lack of environment. There are a few details in here that can serve as clues to the setting, like the tunnel, the umpire and the photographer. Their presences must mean that they game they're playing is pretty big. However, that ain't enough to form a solid image of the setting. How was the weather? What time of the day was it? Where were they playing? Are there any spectators? If so, how many were there?
Details like these could help set the mood and make clearer the narrative stakes. You could have intensified the intensity of the match by having the noontime sun beat down the main character's sweaty back. You could have implied that this game was very very important by nothing the presences of a large amount of spectators, commentators, important celebrities, TV networks broadcasting the match worldwide, etc. You really could have done more had you taken note of the setting.
-I read the oher reviews down there and found out that the main character was actually a guy. Whoa, crazy. I read this story under the assumption that the main character was a woman, so this was pretty surprising.
You had a tiny detail to support that, and that was the main character's manly name. However, the reason why I didn't catch on to that was because I thought that was an error and I decided to overlook it. I perceived this main character as a woman from the start, because I don't watch much sports to know that women and men don't play against each other in official matches, and because I am so used to straight couples. When I saw the name, I thought it was just a mistake, but I decided to forgive it. Maybe it was a typo, or maybe different cultures have androgynous names. I was being generous there, but I didn't care much about it at all. The story was good anyway. And so, I continued this story seeing the main character as a female.
The reason why this bugs me is because this detail that the main character is a guy is especially important to how the readers perceive the characters and the story, but that detail is hidden in such a small, easy-to-overlook hint. Finding out that the main character was gay was kind of unpleasant to me because I am not into homosexual relationships. However, imagine it if I was actually very homophobic. I would read this story and totally be invested in it, only to find out that the main character that I was rooting was actually gay? How mad would I be? It could also happen if I was into gay relationships too. If I overlooked that hint and assumed that the couple was straight, then this story wouldn't have satisfied my niche, even though it was meant to. I would be unknowingly missing something from the reading experience.
I'm sure this story meant to establish a homosexual couple from the start. So make your hints stronger, and make it loud and clear that they are gay.
-While we're still on the topic of gay, this couple's being gay doesn't have any real implications on the story. It feels as if they were gay simply because the writer thought that gay people were hot. I could make the couple a straight one, and we'd still have practically the same story. There's nothing wrong with writing a story just for the sake of realizing a niche you are into, but come on. Don't let that niche just be a shallow point of interest. Make their homosexuality mean something in the narrative. Make it have an impact on the story.
Anyways, that's my review. Despite all that was said, I'll still give this story my like, since this story was a pleasurable reading experience. I don't really have much left to say, so have a good day, I guess.
-outvaders
What I'll do is talk about how it's the men's singles final of an enormous tournament. Like, "Everywhere I looked people in the thousand strong crowd had their smartphones out taking pictures of me. Fair enough, the men's singles final of the Australian Open was a big event, but it still made my nerves run even higher."
Also, this story is mostly about if you had to play your partner in tennis. For this to work, it pretty much has to be a homosexual relationship (it could be mixed doubles but for maximum tension I wanted it to be 1v1). This story isn't about being gay, the characters in my story just happened to be gay. Actually, the fact that you could write it about a straight couple (assuming a man and a woman would ever play each other in singles. seriously, as a girl who plays tennis, I'm fully aware that it's not sexist to say that men's bodies are overall just better built for this and it would be super unfair) is an enormous compliment to me. It tells me that I've shown a gay relationship which is exactly the same as a straight relationship, which is where hopefully people's understanding of homosexuality reaches one day.
Thanks for the review
Ah, I get now why they gotta be gay. Thank you very much for clearing that up. I'm not that familiar of tennis or sports in general, so I couldn't see its importance. I guess I can rest easier knowing this ain't queerbait.
On the "gay vs straight relationship" thing, I just gotta say that I don't think you actually showed a "gay relationship which is exactly the same as a straight relationship." By "gay relationship" I'm going to infer that you mean the relationship as a whole. Anyways, you just showed a small aspect of gay relationships that straight relationships also happen to have (which is the "married couple banter"), but not the relationship as a whole. It makes it seems similar to straight ones, but since I know this is just a small moment in their relationship, I'm given this suspicion that if I look more into the life of this couple, I will find an aspect of their gay relationship that would vastly differentiate itself from straight ones. So yeah. That's why I disagree with your statement saying that you showed a "gay relationship which is exactly the same as a straight relationship."
Hey, Bisc. Storm here for a review this fine review day, so let's jump right into it.
I really liked this. I think you did some good things here; you had some nice snippets of married couple banter that showcased their relationship pretty well. I think that this was written well, but there just wasn't enough. You needed more everything, in my opinion.
1) Description. You did have some really good description in here. However, I think that you need more of it.
I was a big fan of this bit of description. It was interesting and unique, and it was very attention getting; it was noticeable.
This is a good example of when you needed more. Sure, this is a bit of description, but you need more to make it important to your readers. You need more to make it memorable.
These were only two examples for you to get the picture. I trust that if you want to edit this, you'll be able to find the more 'meh' parts.
2) Characters. I did like the married couple banter and inside jokes that you had going on, but again, you just need more. Show us how Dom sees Felix. What is their relationship like? You could even slip in a tiny bit of backstory like this. I'll give two examples of what worked and what needed more.
This was great. It had some information about their relationship, and it was a nice moment. On another note, it's not 'T-Rex's' it's 'T-Rexes.'
Right here, you could have added more about Felix and what he's like in a follow-up sentence. Why did he level? I think you could have said something about that and added some personal information about him in there.
Overall, what you have here is pretty good. All you really need to do is add more everything. I think you ended it well, you just need more content in the middle so the ending can be fully satisfying. I honestly think that you could make a novel out of this. It works as a short story, but I'm sure Felix and Dom have an interesting story waiting to be told.
You know where to find me if you have any questions!
~Storm
Thanks! I think that's probably a fair review, I did write it rather quickly
I like the idea of this being a novel. Just worried about how often I'd have to write actual sportplay and how boring that could get xD
I think you could probably avoid a lot of it, and make the parts that are absolutely necessary very interesting. If you did make this a novel, I'd definitely adopt it.
Cool! I'll definitely think about doing that xD ooh maybe for Camp NaNo!
Oh! Do you think "My Perfect Match" is too heavy-handed a title for a novel. I think it's fine for a not particularly serious short story, but a novel about a gay sporting couple could *definitely* get serious and I wouldn't want to sound like I was being light about it
It's a bit light for any novel that isn't some cheesy romance novel. I'd go with something different if I were you. It'd work as an okay placeholder if you don't really know what to call it at the moment.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking
Hi there Red for a review,
I like the snapshot you have here of a, I think a husband and wife or a close girlfriend or boyfriend facing off. I like the little twist in the end that they're that close.
In the beginning, you know how you list the different matches they faced off in? I think you should list the matches in chronological order from forth round to final. It creates a better build up. Then you explain how she suddenly started beating her opponent. It is never shown or explained how she improved so much. Did she get a better coach? Did the new rival drive her? Also I'm curious how Felix and her met. Did they meet through tennis? (It's tennis right?).
"It really confused people"
This phrase at the end of the paragraph confused me. I think the word "confused' could be replaced with something more precise and specific. I don't see how she could move so fast as a comet that it would confuse people.
Side note: Debating about if T-Rexes had had tails is a hardly an argument because their fossils have tails. You could note this in the story or change the argument completely. It's a cute idea but kind of a weird argument.
"We see each other constantly"
Hmm, I think you could be more specific, and say "we're so close". "We see each other constantly" confused me, and I you could say they do see each other constantly because they've been in 12 matches, and regular spectators may notices the two players may have built a rivalry or a relationship based on how much they played. If I'm making sense....
During the match, I wish there was more tension. The stakes are good because we want your character to beat her rival she worked so hard to level with. However, there isn't enough description. I want to feel her nerves, excitement, and fatigue.
When she talking about how she doesn't remember details disengages us. Again, it's better to add detail.
The ending is a little rushed because there lacks detail. Also your story does lose momentum as we learn your character's desire to win isn't strong enough which kills the stakes. Your character's motivation and the stakes should be the element that drives the character to read your story.
I like the ending because it was sweet, but make it so that she is more engaged in her match, so the reader is more engaged. She can be more upset losing. There is nothing wrong with that. However, you make it so that the boyfriend or husband lifts her up, and they celebrate his happiness.
Also I noticed you have some commas errors. I would suggested researching complex and compound sentence. I could give you a quick crash course if you like.
Okay, I guess that is all. It was nice reading your story. Keep writing.
Redox122
Ahh, it's actually two guys, which was my concept for the story. I was hoping "Dom" would be a masculine enough name that it would be obvious. I was walking along the street yesterday and I thought... what if Andy Murray and Novak Djokovic fell in love?
I'll try and put more tension in the match but I'll also try and make it less obvious from the beginning that they're partners so that when I reveal that there's more of an anticlimax on the match front, because then that will put more emphasis on the relationship.
Thanks for the review
Oh, also, would it make any difference to know that in my head it's an interview with Dom? If so do you think I should explicitly frame it that way?
I am so sorry. I didn't pay attention to the name. Dom is a good name. I just forgot about it and assumed they were in a heterosexual relationship. Yes, I think it would be a good idea to have it as an interview.
Cool, thanks