Published November 8, 2017
What is the most gruesome but still simplest thing that your mind can come up with?
It probably involves blood, whatever your secret musing is.
As for me, what most see as gruesome, I see as beauty.
The way blood curves down the handle of my blade, just plunged into the heart of the enemy, a silver dagger akin to a silver bullet. I do not remain focused on werewolves for long, such easy sport once you learn their simple cat and mouse game. Packs roaming across the country side is more of an error than anything else, something that will be looked back upon with doubt.
The next challenge laying in wait was vampires, using the shadows to their full advantage, fearing the sun more than a sunken night owl. Cruel creatures that they are, embodiments of devils, I still found some form of mercy, when I chopped off its head instead of lighting it on fire.
I saved the fire for the ghosts and the ghouls, the spirits that should have passed away from our lands long ago. They stuck around and wore out their welcome, which didn't get them much farther than the gates of Hell. Of them, some probably could have been saved, not necessarily sent to the pearly white Heaven, barely qualifying for Purgatory.
And then came the rest of the monsters. Year after year after year, I struggled to fight the forces of evil, never taking any of the hands that were ever offered to me.
But I was a solider and I was trained to be alone. Being along was the thing that I was best at so it's really no surprise, that I died alone.
Now I am sitting in Heaven, with a spot that was not rightfully claimed, never did anything to deserve a seat upstairs.
I was never even that much of a hero.
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140,878 Literary Works • 673,697 Reviews
Hello, Birdman! Londone here for a review.
This short story was surrounded around the common concept of a lonely hero who is a total outsider.
But you put your own unique twist on this story, and the hero actually dies with no one that he/she ever found. They accepted the fact that they were not 'that much of a hero'.
The detail in the passage was simple, but well thought out, and therefore I enjoyed it. Well done.
There were a few places were some grammar mistakes were made and you seemed to miss some words. For example:
The word 'I' was missing there. I think you just made a typo in that case.
As for grammar:
'Is' should be 'Are'. In addition to that the sentence is a bit awkward. What error is made?
You also had a lot of unnecessary commas littered through this piece. This sentence in particular was overwhelming:
But all of these are easy fixes. I think you did very well in the long run. I would like to see more of this character and his background.
Londone
Very thought-provoking, religiously controversial story.
It is narrated in the first person singular which means that the person speaking to us is the MC or protagonist. We aren't told where he is speaking to us from until the conclusion-and it turns out to be heaven. From heaven he tells us that he is bloodthirsty and finds beauty in shedding blood.
Unfortunately, this automatically provokes the question of how he got into heaven in the first place since those who go there are described persons who hate violence. True, the location is revealed at the end. But that only serves to delay the reaction of certain readers to the theologically-flawed nature of the situation.
Another statement that seems strange is that this lover of bloodshed is described as having taken the place in heaven of one who didn't? There is no theological basis for that idea that people have reserved places in heaven that can be ignored and that someone can take over. It makes God out to be a helpless observer while his heaven is invaded by unseemly totally unworthy individuals as he sits by twiddling his almighty thumbs and saying "Öh well, boys will be boys.""
So please note that the story might be perceived as an indirect mockery of Christian religious beliefs and author might be suspected of using it that way whether he intended to or not.
Suggestion: Perhaps you can shift the location to Valhalla which is where the warriors go after they die in battle according to the pagan Norse mythological system.