Young Writers Society

Hi there!
barefootrunner here to review Welcome to YWS! I hope you enjoy your time here!

Okay, firstly, a haiku only has one 575 pattern, not three like you have here. You have written three haikus and latched them together. Not a haiku anymore...

Secondly, haikus are more about nature themes and contain special words (researching this is really interesting) that change the meaning somewhat. For example, if you put a dash — on the end of the last line, it signifies a circle, something that will repeat itself.

But I don't think you really did this to write a serious haiku, more for a bit of fun, right?

Okay, now to the logic and poem itself. I feel like I'm missing out on a joke in here. The readers don't know what you're talking about. So you have to ask yourself whether you wrote this poem for yourself or for the readers. If the first, if you want people to read it, I suggest you make it a little more reader-friendly. It's worth the effort. If it's an inside joke, no-one will be able to enjoy it like it is meant to be enjoyed, which would be rather sad, don't you think?

So a cute poem, but it needs work to make it reader-suitable.

Keep writing!
barefootrunner

Hello and welcome to YWS!
I'm here to talk about your writings.

First off, I'm not sure how this is supposed to rhyme. I don't know if you were trying for a good rhyme or not. But I can tell you that it sound like there should be a nice rhyming scheme going on, but I can only here it sometimes.

I think the beginning would sound/flow better if you did something like "Boy Meets Girl" instead of "A Boy Meets A Girl"

I really like the second line.

This part "I Pout When You Pinch My Cheeks" just doesn't seem to flow right with the rest. I don't really have any ideas on what you could put instead, but I think it needs tweaking.


I'm really not quite sure what this poem is about though. Is there any way you could make things just a little clearer? I feel like it should be obvious, but I have no idea what it's about.


I think you did a good job.
There were several lines that I really liked a lot.

Keep up the good work!
~WW

Hello welcome YWS it looks like I am the first to review I hope that it helps you.

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