Everclear

Hi there Bezro! Lim here with a review.

I think this poem is about alcohol abuse and that the “potions” seem to refer to alcohol. I looked up the title of the poem (and the acrostic word) and indeed that is a brand of very strong alcohol. “She” seems to be portrayed as using alcohol to escape pain or some kind of difficult situation. I’m curious as to what the last line adds to the narrative. Does the speaker think they should really stop trying to convince their friend? Is that just a reflection of the friend’s feelings? Or is it the reveal that the speaker themself also has a problem with alcohol? Maybe multiple of these interpretations?

Something I liked about the poem was how you’ve focused on a single topic. It’s hard to blend many ideas into a short poem such as this one, so I think it’s a good thing that you’ve chosen to elaborate on the single narrative of this figure’s relationship to alcohol.

Something you might want to think about is the ‘flow’ of the poem.

Clarity wasn't good, so she uses potions to keep it out her hair

This line is a lot longer than the surrounding ones and it’s also more grammatically complex (containing the “so . . . “). When I read it I felt like it interrupted the flow a bit too much.

Elsewhere is her brain as she chugs and almost pukes

I felt like “Elsewhere is her brain” seemed a little out of place. The word ordering of that seems a bit antiquated whereas the rest of the poem is very modern. I get that it works to fit the acrostic form, but I wonder if there might be another way to express the idea that begins with 'E'.

I did like the idea of flipping the story around with the last few lines:

As I always tell her she

Really needs to stop


As she always tells me, I really need to stop.

It made me stop and think about the story a little more and it adds nuance to the poem.

I also like the metaphor of a “veil of happiness”. A veil is something concrete, which has this translucent yet obscuring quality to it and so conveys the idea that the alcohol is being used to cover something up.

Overall, I think this works as a short poem conveying the experience of someone using alcohol to cope and then struggling with addiction. The ambiguous twist at the end leaves me with a sense of ominousness. My main feedback would be to consider the flow of the lines more, and one way to do that might be to think about line breaks when you’re reading the poem aloud to yourself. Does it sound right for the line to end there? Is ending the line there adding meaning? I personally find such questions helpful.

Keep writing!
-Lim

Hey there! I love acrostic poems. You did this one very well, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading through it. I thought I would stop by and leave you a review! Let's jump right into it, shall we?

The first thing I wanna mention is the actual acrostic itself. You use the word "Everclear" which in my opinion is probably relating to something that has been clear, the whole time, but you still continue to do it, despite the clarity that others give you regarding this thing. I like how we have this one additional sentence at the very end of the poem that isn't part of the acrostic. I feel like it adds onto the word everclear.

As she always tells me, I really need to stop.

This poem has a very interesting tone to it. It is well organized, but not overly complicated to the point that it seems professional. It seems very free, flowing, and easy to read through. I really liked it, because I felt like you were telling a story, and that I was able to be engaged, as well as the additional aspect of the acrostic, which kept me engaged even more!

Clarity wasn't good, so she uses potions to keep it out her hair

Personally, for this line, I would've written it as "so she uses potions to keep it out of her hair". I wonder if there's a reason why you wrote it like this, or an error. I like the description you use as you describe the bottles. You use different sizes and also describe her as she's consuming these.

As I always tell her she

Really needs to stop

So it seems like the main acrostic part of this poem is told from a different point of view as the final line. This main section of the poem is someone telling her that she really needs to stop what she is doing. And then that last line is a first person point of view from the person who has been told that they need to stop. I like the symbolism behind this. It's like all of this person's words are spelling out the every clear message that they need to stop what they are doing. But this person is aware of that but they're still struggling. I liked how this poem had a magical feel to it, with things like potions. Overall, I really enjoyed reading it, so great job!

Have a great day and keep on writing!

Your friend,
Ellie