I watch the moon
They call my name from beyond the dark
Tempting me to look away from the glowing arc
Yet I watch the moon
Sand pelts my back in a swirling attack
Trying to get me to look back
Yet I watch the moon
I stare all night
Never averting my sight
As I dedicate to its light
The moon just watches me
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140,468 Literary Works • 673,240 Reviews
Hello Hello, I hope you dont mind me popping in with a quick review. I will apologize as this will be a short one. However, I wanted to free this from the green room. With all that being said, let's get into it, shall we?
Overall I think this is a nice little poem. Short and sweet as it plays with some interesting imagery. I like the vibe it feels a bit foreboding yet playful in a way much like the moon can represent both throughout the night. This could also speak to how life can distract you from your goals and it's up to you if you want to keep going. The rhythm also adds to the charm.
Now I want to move onto feedback. Please keep in mind I am not a professional nor do you have to use anything I say. You are the poet after all.
To be honest I couldn't find much to point out. However, I wonder if could push the visuals further. For example, is the moon full or covered by fog? and where is the point of view character? Are they in a forest or at the beach is it blustery? We get a little hint towards this with the sand pelting their back but I feel adding more sensory notes could help flesh this out. If you could keep it within the rhyme scheme I feel adding things like touch and smell could make it pop.
Regardless I very much enjoyed taking a look at your work. I hope you have a good day or night. As always keep writing and remember to drink water!
Hey there!
What a lovely poem, I think it beautifully captures a sense of steadfastness and determination in the speaker, while also discussing the beauty and sereneness of the moon. The repetition of "Yet I watch the moon" just further emphasizes the speaker's unwavering focus, despite any present external distractions or challenges they face. this idea of commitment is such a crucial characteristic in a person, and I love how you apply it in such a unique way.
The imagery of "sand pelts my back in a swirling attack" adds an interesting dynamic and almost hostile element to the poem. It further highlights the speaker's resilience, and it is just one representation of external forces trying to stop the speaker. I think the final line, "The moon just watches me" is a great way to end the poem. It creates this sense of a mutual and silent relationship between the speaker and the moon: overall, just further adding to the tone of the poem.