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Esoteric poem #1

by Benji

"Oh that face" I say, staring longingly at you. All that beauty, must be a mark of grace.

"Oh that face" I think of it one last time before bed and sevenfold-- daily.

"Oh that face", the one that can not be perfectly captured by light or by pen and ink, nor any words can fully render your splender

The birds writh in jealousy over your sound, and the doe is put to shame by your beauty, all of nature in the magnitude of it's fertility can not replicate your form. You were grafted by God's own hands, fashioned like a mirror of his grace, one that reflects the light of the sun through your eyes and does not darken, like a kindled flame that not even water can blot out. Out of your mouth comes an abundance of riches, gifts of wisdom and great joy, your presence is a blessing to all who recieve you, your friends uplift you with their words and their thoughts, those who opress you condemn themselves with their own thinking, for God is with you in the forest of this world.

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Points: 200
Reviews: 0

Fri Oct 18, 2019 9:40 pm
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Carmen Aldatz says...

Wow, whomever this is about must be really lucky. You really care for them. I love your descriptions of nature and the world in general to this person. This is really good.

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154 Reviews

Points: 2390
Reviews: 154

Thu Oct 17, 2019 3:59 pm
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4revgreen wrote a review...

Hey! This is my first review in a couple of months so please forgive me if I am a little rusty.

First of all, I really loved the structure of this poem. I love when poems, and literature in general, take a more unconventional form. I get bored of reading poems that take the usual "ABAB" "AABB2" rhyme schemes, or some variation of them. A poem isn't a bout rhyming! It's about the words and the message you are trying to portray.

I loved the imagery of nature, and I think you described it very well. I also liked the long, complex sentences you used as it made it "flow" a lot more than the conventional, shorter poems most people write.

I found only one spelling error, which was " writh " - I assume you mean writhe?

Overall, I enjoyed this poem and I'm glad it was the first one I'd read after taking a long break from the site :-)

Keep writing - 4revgreen :-)

Benji says...

Hey thanks a lot Green! I totally agree, I find it funny that a lot of mainstream poetry relies on rhyming and nothing else for their structure, I consciously try to compose my notes so that they're placed meaningfully and can be read out in a way that evokes a feeling of actual progression, sometimes I lazily write but it's still ingrained in my subconscious lol. Oh and you're right I meant writhe not writh, thanks for the keen eye and I'm Glad you enjoyed it!

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Points: 1349
Reviews: 4

Thu Oct 17, 2019 8:22 am
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Figsandpigs wrote a review...

Hi Benji!

I really enjoyed reading your poem; you have a lot of great stuff going on here. My first thoughts were when I read the first line of the poem. It immediately set me up to think that this poem is going to rhyme with the use of "face" and "grace." So, it was surprising as I continued to read that wasn't the case. The shape of your poem was a bit of a struggle for me to approach. It felt like a hard shift as the reader to go from your shorter lines to an almost prose-like paragraph. I think one natural place that you could put a break in that would help readability is right before the sentence "Out of your mouth." I think a break before that sentence could also lend the reader more time to ponder the idea of
"You were grafted by God's own hands,"

Wow, I absolutely loved this thought. It's not crafted, which is what you assume and expect when you first looked at it. It is grafted. I was fascinated by that; I feel like it's so smart and clever. I keep rereading it because I love the image that it paints and then on top of that the ideas it gives me. I was also really intrigued by the introduction of God with a capital G as a character, and I felt like I wanted more of that.

The title of your poem caught my eye for several reasons. For one, esoteric is not a word I encounter very often, and because of that, after reading your poem, I actually had to go recheck the definition to try and make sure I wasn't missing something. Which Ha! That ended up being a joke on me. However, I think —keeping the definition of esoteric in mind— your poem doesn't convince me that I won't understand it. I don't believe that I knew exactly the time, or place, or face that you were talking about I was still able to read it and draw my own visions and meanings from this poem. So I guess I struggled to know how I should take your title while reading about it. I think in poetry, especially shorter poems, the title almost acts like it's own line, so keeping in mind the rhetorical effect it can have it always relevant.

I also really enjoyed the repetition of " Oh that face," and then I loved on top of that how you never really tell us what the face actually looks like. The things we learn are all these extremely intangible but also beautiful and descriptive. So, I really enjoyed how you wove that in. Even though you described eyes that reflect light, and are compared to flames; I enjoyed how I was still left with the image of a face in my head at the end of my reading.

Thank you so much for sharing this piece! I will definitely be keeping my eye out for poem #2 .

Benji says...

First off I'm very flattered haha, I just plan on dumping a lot of what I wrote previously so it may lack a really selling structure, and I agree, the shift from the first segment to the next felt a bit abrupt, I don't believe I finished that poem. I called it esoteric because the "face" -while visualized in a vivid sense, it is unknown and up interpretation for the most part, It's also funny using it when a lot of people I know have no idea what the word means (and like how you did) search it up hahaha. But I'm glad you enjoyed it and were able to get something out of it and I thank you for your time reading this :')

A good artist should be isolated. If he isn't isolated, something is wrong.
— Orson Welles