Elemental Chronicles
Element of Earth
CHAPTER 1
My name is Terra Lignum and I am 14 years old. I am also running from a bear and lost in the dark, cold woods. The people in Roseville say the forest is haunted. So what? I had wanted to find out. I had wandered into the woods one summer day and gotten lost. That is when I saw the red-eyed black bear and it started to chase me. I tripped and fell on the wet ground, trapped in front of the angry, black bear. For a moment I thought My favorite green shirt is definitely wrecked. Then I rolled around and launched myself upwards. “Get lost you stupid bear!” I shrieked. I ran through the ripping brush. My leg stung as a thorn dug into it. Branches whipped at my face and tore at my blue jean shorts. I must look like a wreck, I thought as I dashed through the trees. I could feel liquid flowing from my cut. Probably blood, so I stopped in a clearing to take a deep breath. I checked out my leg. Ouch.Then I looked up to get my bearings. Then I saw the huge stones and stopped. Seven rocks stood on the edge of the glade. A green mist swirled around them- and me -as a spark flashed in the center. I backed up, tripped once more, and was tangled in vines. Glistening tears tumbled down my cheeks as I gasped for breath uncontrollably. I screamed as a noise crashed through the bushes. A wet nose slid up my cut leg. I screeched so loud; crows flew away through the trees. My throat was burning. A white horse was staring straight into my face. A wave of calm spread throughout my body. I untangled myself and crawled to my feet. When I stood up, the horse was gone. I was calm until a second crashing sound echoed through the glade. I watched in frozen horror as the bear charged me.
“NEHEHEHE” a horse screamed. The glistening white horse came galloping through the woods, head lowered, charging the great black beast. Then it plunged its gleaming, silver horn into the bear. Wait, what? Horses don’t have horns! Speechless, I staggered backward as the bear exploded into millions of tiny lime green sparkles. Bears do not explode! The unicorn lowered its beautiful white head and stared at me. “Don’t be afraid” it said. “Ok I am lost in a forest with a magic talking unicorn,” I said “Wake me up when we get back to reality.” The unicorn snorted its reply. “That bear was possessed by Darkness”, the purple-eyed unicorn murmured, “follow me.” I debated on what I should do. I finally decided to go with it. I mean it was a unicorn. Nothing bad would happen to me so I hurried after it, just wanting to take a shower and get in clean clothing.
About an hour later, my aching feet and I arrived at a glittering stream in a shining clearing. Dots of light floated through it. One came up to me. To my surprise was it a tiny person in a ball of light. The thing had wings! It circled my hand. Then it zipped back to the others. I felt hurt for some odd reason. The unicorn whispered “the faeries are deciding.” I looked at them, the swirling glowing mass of tiny winged people buzzing and talking and deciding. Deciding what exactly? I decided not to ask. One flew up to me. It opened its mouth and spoke in a flurry of tinkling and chiming bells. “What? I can’t understand you.” I asked. The creature rolled its eyes and focused. Hard! Then the faerie zipped to my hand and – with incredible strength – pulled me to the others. The mass of faeries swirled around me. I gasped as they pushed their shimmering magic onto me. It became a shimmering green ball that enveloped me from head to toe. Shifting and swishing to and fro it settled on me. It pulsed to my heart beat for a few moments. Then it fell to the ground. I looked up and noticed a mirror image of me. I gaped at the faerie mirror. I was wearing a short, glittering forest green gown made up of satin. My red normally frizzy curling hair was now untangled and flowing down my back. It now had green and gold highlights in it. My hands were adorned with gold bracelet-rings. Gold designs swirled down the dress. I was wearing long lace-up boots. Even my cut was gone! I wondered what else could happen. Then I wished I had a place to sleep, as I was exhausted from the long and tiring day, and the forest was getting darker. My hands tingled and I peered at them in amazement. They were glowing, a soft lime green! Now if you had asked me a year ago if I believed in magic, I would have said no. Currently I wasn’t so sure. The ground shifted under my feet. I looked over at a small dry cave that wasn’t there a second ago! The unicorn was watching me and muttering “so she is the one….” I kicked off my boots, crawled into my small “cave” and fell asleep wondering what was going on.
CHAPTER 2
I awoke to a faerie dragging me out of my “cave”. I yelled “Hey!” The faerie landed as I stood up. I said “Great. I can’t understand faeries and they are going to explain what happened last night. Just great.” The faerie waved its arms up and down its body. There was a cracking noise and the faerie stood in front of me at five and a half feet tall. She shook out her sparking silver hair, smoothed down her short brown dress, blinked her shiny green eyes and said in a sharp voice that sliced through the damp morning air “Is that better Terra?” I backed up and yelped “What are you?” She laughed. Her laugh sounded like a waterfall. She then cried “I’m a Faerie, Terra. I will be your teacher too as I can also control earth. Let me take you to the training grounds.” I was starving,“First can we get some breakfast?” I questioned her. She waved her hands and mushy green cereal appeared. It smelled like the forest. I didn’t care and ate hungrily. It tasted like crap.
After I was finished eating the horrible green cereal, the bowl disappeared. I laced up my boots while The Faerie told me to come with her. While we walked the Faerie spoke to me and explained some things. When we got to the training grounds, The Faerie clapped her hands together and silver sparks flew. “My name is Rose and I am going to teach you earth magic. I see you have met Viana. She is the unicorn. You are Terra, Princess of Earth.”
I was bewildered and cried “Wait, what? I am no princess. I didn’t even do the princess thing when I was little.”
Rose said “ You can move the element of earth, and you did prove it last night. Focus on making a hill.”
I gave her a chance and did as she said…. I tingled as the ground shifted under me. I looked up and low and behold there was a small mound of mossy dirt in front of me. I watched, focusing on making a pine. My hands tingled and a small tree grew and grew till it was huge. I gasped “whoa.” I suddenly wondered if I could blast magic out of my hands. I closed my eyes and looked inside me looking for the magic Rose claimed I had. There it was, a small blinking green light pulsing inside of me. I tugged at a piece and told it to blast out of my hands and on to the ground. It did, catapulting my body off the dank forest floor and I crashed at the base of a huge moss-covered tree. Rose cringed. I groaned “owww.” I rolled over on to my left side and gasped at the pain. It was stabbing, pulsing, and burning all at once. Tears entered my eyes and I pushed myself slowly to my feet. “Note to self; never do that ever again. That was painful.”
“Yeesh. Let me take you somewhere.” Rose called to me, “ Let me take you to the stone circle. You will be able to heal there.”
We traveled for a minute until we came to well… a stone circle! My injured side screamed in pain constantly. It really hurt. The circle was massive with 12 massive rocks in sections of four rocks with symbols on them. We stepped inside and Rose led me over to a spot. The rocks behind me had a carved tree in a circle. I surveyed myself. My dress was in tatters and my hair tangled. One of the gold bracelet-rings was gone and the highlights were almost gone. Both boots were missing. I heard a crackle, so I looked up and Rose was in the middle of the circle.
She was glowing and her silver hair was floating as if in a breeze. The air around her crackled. Her eyes opened and she spoke in language I had never heard. It sounded like she was saying,“ Ginorus Terran Eathea.” Then she stared into my eyes. Green energy exploded out of her eyes and into mine. I felt it crackle through my body. The energy shook my body so hard that it brought tears to my eyes. On the plus side, my left side didn’t hurt anymore. The energy stopped flowing and I fell to my knees, convulsing. I opened my eyes. A concerned Rose was peering at me nervously. I stood slowly and staggered to the edge of the circle. My stomach lurched and I threw up. Ewww. Green mush soup looked and smelled even worse in its semi-digested state.
Rose anxiously asked from behind me, “Are you ok Terra?”
I rasped, “I need a drink.”
Rose led me to a small stream with colorful butterflies hovering over it. I stumbled down the bank and cupped my hands. I drank heavily. I wished I was a wolf so I could lap up water quicker. I crackled with energy. I was amazed. What had just happened? I peered at my reflection. A large silver wolf stared back. I glanced at what used to be my hand. It was a silver paw. I was a wolf! I waded into the stream and lapped up the cool clear water. It was great. I waded farther into the stream. and stuck my furry head under the water. I swam back to shore and focused on my real body. I tingled with power. I then looked at Rose and giggled. She snickered. Before long we were rolling with peals of laughter. I was giddy with joy.
Rose called to me “lets go back to the glade and eat some dinner.”
It was dinner time already? I called back “yes. let’s”. We walked for five minutes and I decided to become the wolf again, so I did. I bounded through the woods, over large rotting logs and through small spaces. I looked for Rose and only saw a smaller second wolf. I yipped, ROSE? She yipped back, HI TERRA. We bounded over to the glade. We transformed back to our human forms in an instant. Rose told me to reach into the air and wish for a bow and arrow. I did and a bow and arrow made out of green light appeared in my hand. I grasped it and stared at it. Rose grabbed the bow and set up an arrow in it. She grabbed her own weapon and taught me how to shoot it. I did clumsily and shot the ground inches in front of me. Rose told me to keep trying and so I did. On the seventh time I shot the target tree’s roots and cried “I give up!” Faeries flitted all around as Rose stalked into a shadow behind some trees. When she came out she had a huge dead rabbit in her arms. The rabbit was prepared in no time for rabbit fillets. Rose whistled a long low whistle and The Unicorn came charging to us. I remembered her name was Viana. Rose told her to go get someone named Alexia. When she returned a flash flew over us. Next thing I knew a girl around my age was in front of me. She would have been human except for three things. One, huge red scaly wings were protruding out of her back and they looked good. Two, her hair was extremely long and blacker than black with fiery veins running through it. Three, she was more beautiful than anything I had ever seen. She ran her long red nails through her hair and I noticed her skin was pale and tough like dragon scales. She blinked her large yellow eyes and glanced at me. She was wearing a red flowing long sleeve shirt, jeans and a pair of huge black boots. In the middle of summer too! I avoided her gaze and watched as Viana walked off to do who knows what.
“Who is the one in green?” Her voice sent chills down my spine
“Alexia we need a fire” Rose pointed to a pile of sticks that hadn’t been there a moment ago. Alexia knelt beside the sticks and blew on them. The instant she did, a fireball launched itself from her lips to the sticks and ignited them.
I gazed at her in amazement. Rose looked at me and smiled, rabbit still in her hands.
I said “I am Terra and I apparently control Earth.” I raised my hands and a rock flew up into the air, did a little dance, and landed. How did I manage to do that? No time for questions now.
Alexia tilted her pale head, smiled and said slyly,“I am Alexia, and I am half dragon fairy. I am also half fire elf. I am very powerful.” She tilted her head back and shot a flame twenty feet into the air “I must go now.” Alexia flapped her wings so hard a small wind blew leaves everywhere as she flew away.
I focused really hard and energy crackled through me. The ground shook. I opened my eyes and a shelter was around the fire and us. “Whoa!” I shrieked insanely.
Rose smiled and cried “You are getting more powerful by the day, Terra!”
I ripped the rabbit away from Rose and I grabbed a stick and shoved it through the animal. I then roasted the rabbit over the small fire. I turned the stick as I asked Rose “How did you know who I was?”
She replied “We have been watching you. Your Paladin was worried that you would never come. We all were.”
I asked “Who is my Paladin and What about my parents? They must be very worried.”
Rose murmured “ Viana is your Paladin and your parents...They do not remember you. They were only there to protect you from harm. You do not belong in that realm. Your real mother would not have wanted you to stay in the realm of no magic. Your mother is trapped in the stone circle waiting for the Elementals to join together and defeat The Darkness. Only then can she escape and rejoice with her four daughters.”
“Who are the elementals?”I asked as I flicked my hair over my shoulder and checked the meat. It was done so I ripped it in half.
“You and your sisters, Ignis, Aquavia, and Aeris” Rose complied.
I chuckled as I gave one piece to Rose and I started to munch on the other piece of rabbit. She was insane! I had no sisters. I had no Paladin - whatever that was! I tore at the meat with my teeth and a cup of water materialized in front of me. I ate and drank vigorously. After I finished, I rolled over and went to sleep.
CHAPTER 3
In my dream I was helpless. I was frozen as I watched several colors blur together. They were forced upon four struggling infants. One was surrounded by blue, one red, one yellow, and one green. A woman waved her arms and they disappeared. She was being attacked by blackness and she was screaming. A two year old stood off to the side, frozen, like me. Then I heard a voice calling my name.
“Terra…” I fell into darkness
“Terra…”
“Terra…” I groaned
“Terra!” I bolted upright gasping. It was morning and I was sweating. Who had beencalling my name? Rose. It was Rose. Right. Okay. I shook out my now short and ragged dress and stretched. I rolled over and stood up. I groaned “What Rose?”
“Time to get up and start training. I need to teach you about the creatures of the wood. You know so little.”
I said “Yup I am ignorant. So who and what was my mother?”
“She was The Elemental Queen. Her name was Navita. Lets go to the stone circle and I will show you.” We walked quickly to the circle. Rose led me to the center. She waved her hands and a mirror appeared. It started to spin fast. A woman appeared in the mirror. A brown cloak covered her and she coughed. Her long blond hair seemed dull and lifeless. She looked sickly and tired. She was surrounded by shadows. Then she looked up and her blue eyes shone as she saw me. Or was it the mirror? She stared into my eyes. I will always remember those eyes, because they made me happy and sad, joyful and angry. A hundred feelings danced in those eyes. A wad of memories rejoiced in my mind. I saw colors and shapes. I watched sparks fly and lightning strike. Then a voice rang out in my head. It cried “ You must gather your sisters and save me Terra” She disappeared as the mirror stopped. I turned to Rose and signaled for her to go back to the glade. We ran, breathless back to the glade. As we ran I thought about all that had happened over the past few days. Was I going to wake up and this whole would be a dream? I was a powerful elemental princess who could control earth and the human parents that raised me didn’t remember me. I had a mom who was trapped in a mirror realm and I had to save her with three sisters that I never knew I had. I was going crazy and I was going to wake up any day now. Maybe I wasn’t but it was hard to tell. I … nevermind. Rose traipsed ahead through the brush. I ran after her chewing on my lip. I was lost in thought as I wandered through the brush. I looked up and raced after her. “Rose am I crazy? Am I going to wake up and this is all going to be a dream?”
Rose whipped around, her silver hair flying and her green eyes flashed. “ This is not a dream, it is real. You must save the realms!”
I backed up “Okay then, why does this feel so unreal?”
Rose growled “because maybe it isn’t what you believe. But you must believe , You MUST!”
I ran as fast as I could to the glade. I crawled to the smoldering fire and sat down. I shook hard and goosebumps crawled down my back. What had possessed Rose to do that? I suddenly had a bad feeling. I stood up and whipped around to see Rose standing there, black fire coming from her hands, eyes as black as onyx. I screamed “VIANA, ALEXIA, HELP!”
They crashed through the woods faster than a blink of an eye. Viana charged as I cried “Rose stop!” and trapped Rose with green vines. It only took a flick of my wrist. Then I stared at my hand in amazement. Alexia stared at Rose in horror. That’s when something clicked in her head.
“She is a fake, lets go!” Alexia cried in my ear. She grabbed my wrist and took off running to where ever the real Rose was. A black tiger with burning red eyes leaped out of the woods and tackled me. My shoulder started bleeding from a long cut. Alexia burned the tiger and it ran off. She burned a red ring of flaming earth in front of us and pulled me in to the flames.
CHAPTER 4
We crashed to the ground with a thud and a circle of black vines surrounded a tree. Rose was in there, I was sure! I grabbed a rock and hacked at the vines. Alexia flamed them and the vines burned away. Rose was curled into a ball on the ground, asleep, bleeding on her wrist and barely breathing. “Alexia I found her!” I shook her crying “ Rose, ROSE!”
She fluttered her silver eyelashes and moved her long fingers, all the while groaning softly. Alexia puffed a small stream of fire on to Rose and it melted away a shadowy barrier surrounding her. Rose blinked once and whispered “ Terra?” She sat up and shook her head, blinking constantly. She looked faded. Her silver hair was gnarled in small mats. Her eyes were dull and lifeless and her skin was pale peach. Her usually rosy red lips were pale pink. She stood up, waved her hands and a green ball of light appeared. It cracked - like an egg - over top of her, releasing energy into her. She let the light cascade into her and restore her life. Color returned to her pale skin and eyes. Her body started to glow brighter and brighter. I had to look away as she filled the clearing with light. Then it faded away leaving Rose standing there, glowing. A moment later, she was normal once more.
Alexia held her hand and asked her if she was alright. Rose replied “yes.” Alexia hugged her and flapped off. Rose asked “ Did you save me?”
“Yes!” I cried heartily.
Rose took my hand and said “ You’re ready.”
I looked at her and thought, ready for what? as she lead me away towards the edge of the woods.
…
We arrived at a tall stone gate with emeralds set into the intricate metalwork. The sign next to it said “The Gate to Life” and sparkles flew around it. I gasped as Rose waved her hands and the doors flew open in a glittering flurry of emerald sparks. The sparks hovered there as if waiting and I knew what I had to do. I stepped forward and the sparks encased me from head to toe forming a new dress. This time I had a strapless corset with a green shiny mini skirt. The corset looked like a giant leaf wrapped around my torso and the skirt was pleated and fluffed up, with sparkles making it shine. A long green cape that nearly touched the ground was streaked with gold and black sparkles, and attached to my waist. I touched my head only to find out that I had my curling red hair tucked into a messy bun of curls with a small tiara set upon my head. I pulled it off and glanced at it. It was adorned with tiny diamonds and emeralds that glinted in the late afternoon sunlight. I stepped forward and felt a rush of energy greet me eagerly. I soaked it all in. Rose stepped up to the gate and walked through it. Her hair turned brown and curly. Her dress turned dark green, almost black and her ears grew pointed and pale. What I thought was a cape flowed down her back. It was only when she lifted it that I realized it was a pair of large pale green wings. Her hair was loose except for two braids tied together. She looked like a winged version of Katniss Everdeen from The Hunger Games. She was stunning and I guess I was too. Only when I heard cheering did I realize that a crowd was standing around a tower to my right. Rose stepped out to speak on the tower. She had disappeared from my side! She told them that The Earthen Elf Princess would be out shortly… and promptly disappeared in a flash. A long-fingered hand grabbed my wrist and pulled me toward the tower. All of a sudden, I was in the tower with the crowd cheering under me. Rose pushed me forward and the cheering quieted to silence. I knew they were waiting for me to say something so I did. I cried out “Citizens of Life and beyond, I must apparently be the Earthen Elf Princess, whatever that is, and apparently control earth so I shall give you all a sentence that will explain it all. I can’t do this.” I promptly leaped off the tower and fell down and down until all went black.
CHAPTER 5
“Terra… can you hear me? If you can nod”, A man’s deep voice said.
A searing, pulsing, white light was shining directly into my eyes. I nodded surprised by how much energy, the simplest gesture took. That horrible white light faded.
“Good…now you can go back to sleep, Terra…”
I closed my eyes glad that the light was gone and fell back into the darkness once more
…
I woke with a start. What had just happened? I wasn’t in the forest anymore, nor my bed at my house! I found myself lying in a large bed with the softest green blankets ever. A dark green canopy flourished on top of the bed. I remembered instantly what happened earlier so, I took in my surroundings. Two dark wooden doors stood on opposite walls of the room A small, dark wooden dresser stood in the corner of the green room. A blood-red rose was in a vase next to a note and my tiara, on a dark wooden night stand. I picked up the note and it read:
Dear Terra,
I realize you can’t do this alone, so meet me in the dining hall for dinner.
-Rose
I sat up steadily and braced myself to stand. I replaced my tiara as I walked slowly but steadily across the fluffy green rug, to the tall wooden door in the corner of the room. I grabbed the handle and pulled open the door. I appeared to be in room at the end of a long hall. Now where was I? I wandered down the hallway looking at the large picture frames hanging on the walls. One specific picture caught my eye. It was me! I was in front of Viana and a large black wolf. Now I ran down the hall scared of what else I might find. I ripped open the door to the end of the hall, turned a corner and… strode into a large dining hall. Rose and a blond man wearing a large white jacket were talking. Rose caught my eye.
“Just a second,” she told the man ,“hey Terra! This is Derek. He is the elven doctor that saved your life earlier today!”
“He did?” I questioned her. Then my stomach growled hungrily and I very quickly said “ Never mind that. I just want some food!”
“It shall be done”, Rose regally clapped her hands four times as chefs in white linen walked through the doors carrying platters of food. One was set down in front of me and the silver lid lifted. A plate of carrots, beans, mashed potatoes with butter and garlic, and some sort of cheesy noodle and meat was revealed. I took a bite and widened my eyes at the wonderful flavor of hamburger and mac n’ cheese. I squealed in delight at the flavor of my favorite food, and looked over at Rose’s and Derek’s plates. They were both eating yellow tubers, green mush like the stuff in the forest, a slice of bread and some orange stalks of rubbery veggie.
“What is that?” I asked in disgust.
“The tubers are brakenfort, the soup is green alinon soup, and the orange stalks are beanstafe roots. We elves and sprites prefer veggies over meat.”
“Yum yum” I muttered under my breath as I ate my potatoes and carrots up and started on the mac’ n hamburger. After I finished my meal, the chefs took our dirty plates and replaced them with bowls and cups. Chocolate cake and chocolate ice cream filled my bowl and cherry vanilla root beer was in my cup. I ate and drank slowly savoring every little bite. All of a sudden a noise like a thousand voices filled my head so loud that I screamed. I sank to the floor sobbing and shaking. The noise was so unbearably loud! The last thing I remember was Rose shaking me and screaming “Terra!” before I fell back into darkness.
…
The first thing that I noticed was the noise. It was horrible! One million tiny voices were screaming in my brain and I could not shut them out. I finally realized I was lying in my bed as I wrenched open my eyes. A wide-eyed Derek was shaking me. His mouth was moving, but I couldn't hear him due to the deafening noise in my head. He poured some orangey fluid onto a spoon and motioned for me to swallow it. I did and winced as the strangely sweet and icey fluid hit my throat.
Almost immediately, the noise was reduced to a quiet, almost silent hum. Derek asked, “Can you hear me”, in his weird deep voice.
I replied yes and asked “What happened?”
Derek replied “Rose and I believe you may have a majorly rare special, very special ability called motus telepathy. You can read minds and can use telekinesis. You are strongest when connected to the ground. Makes sense because you are the Earthen Elf Princess but we did not know you were this strong.”
“I am ready to get up now and go see Rose. I also really just want to get up.”
Derek helped me up and we walked to the door. We walked down the hall and when we got to the picture of me I was ready. “Derek, why am I in a picture on this hallway?” I questioned him
He chuckled “You were watched by us since you were seven. You were not exhibiting signs of magic till your twelfth birthday. You don’t remember falling out of your second story window and bouncing back up before you hit the ground?”
I glared as I said “I thought that was a secret. I also ran nine miles in three minutes going to school. I seriously thought I dreamed that up!”
We arrived in the now empty dining hall, turned left and arrived in a ballroom absolutely full of elves and fairies. I stepped in and a deafening cheer reverberated around the room as my name was announced.
“May I have this dance?” A voice to my right asked. I whipped around and stared into the most perfect green eyes on the most perfect tan face ever. His slightly long, dark hair was tousled and wavy. He was clothed in a white tunic-cape combo with gold cufflinks and a green belt with a matching ring.
“Yes you may” I said. And we started to dance.
CHAPTER 6
We waltzed and spun and danced like never before. My skirt flashed and glittered, his suit ever perfect. He flashed a dazzling smile at me and I saw that he was just perfect for me. I loved his every move.
The song ended and I asked him “Do you want to go take a walk on the grounds?” I wasn’t even sure if there was a trail but I was hoping there was. We ran out the door to the hall and dashed outside to a huge glowing garden. It was then that I got my first glimpse of the castle. I sucked in a deep breath. I was staring at a endless diamond sky with pale twin moons and a large glittering emerald palace next to a forest.
We walked through the maze of flowers and he picked glittering flowers which he wove into a bouquet. He gave me an emerald ring that shone in the twin moonlight. He told me that I would remember him, I just had to follow my heart. An image kept trying to surface but I pushed it back, afraid it would shatter the unreal moment. We chased each other through the endless maze. Laughing hysterically we arrived at the beginning where we saw people leaving.
He whispered to me as he caressed my face “They are leaving now. I must go. Find me if you need to.” He turned towards the forest and started to walk quietly into it.
“But wait,” I screamed as sparkling tears slowly trickled down my cheeks “I don’t even know your name! I won’t be able to find you!”
“Just follow your heart!” was his reply as he was swallowed up by the shadowy forest.
“No!” I shreked impressed that I loved him. Part of me didn’t have a clue why I loved him so, after only a day. I fell to the ground so enveloped up in sorrow that I didn’t see or hear the grass growing taller nor Rose pulling me to my feet. I left the ring and flowers glittering in the grass. She and Derek carried me to the castle. Rose lead me to my room and hugged me. I laid down and silently removed my tiara. I sobbed uncontrollably and slowly cried myself to a seemingly endless, dreamless sleep.
…
I knew something was wrong before I opened my eyes. I just knew I belonged with him. I pictured his face and a name pricked my consciousness. Aidan Solun. I realized suddenly he was the toddler from my dream. My friend was Aidan. I jumped out of my neat bed, and dashed down the hall to the front door. I immediately ran outside with the rising sun just peeking over the forest and screamed his name, “Aidan Solun, you get back here right now!” A teal disk came zipping out of the woods, landed and grew until it was a large magic circle obscuring the ground. Suddenly Aidan crawled out and the magic zipped back into him.
I ran over and hugged him, breathing hard.
“Hey!” ,He smiled, “look at that! You remembered my name.”
“You don’t ever leave me again!” I yelled and kicked him as hard as I could.
“OW! You can really kick!” Aidan hopped up and down on one foot. I gave a wicked little grin and said “Who said I can’t kick like a girl? Do you need an ice pack?”
“A wha? Never heard of an ice pack. Are they good?”
I sighed “ They are not for eating silly. Ice packs are cold sacks that numb your pain. Do you need one?”
“Nope! I’ll just do this.” He wiggled his hands, blue magic surrounded his leg and flashed after a moment or two. “All healed!” He turned around and cried over his shoulder, “You are soooo weak!”
I gaped and then kicked off my shoes. I closed my eyes, lowered my hands and blasted magic at his butt. He squealed as he was thrown twenty feet into the air, whirled around till he was dizzy, and then dropped. I gasped and stared at my slender hands with bitten down green nails. I really had to get used to my power but… what was that? I was gaining power but not control.
“I like your earrings by the way” He chuckled at my amazement.
I felt my ears. They were pierced and pointed now? Whoa I was a weird humanoid. What was I anyway?
As if reading my mind Aidan said “You’re an elf. Can’t put plainer than that. The Elf Princess if i’m correct.” He started tossing a ball of magic between his hands.
I glared at him. “I didn’t choose that title. Besides I am a human! Not an elf. I was not born yesterday. We aren’t making christmas toys in the North Pole are we? No we’re not. So how in the worlds am I an elf?”
Aidan looked at me sharply and cried “Do humans build crystal castles and heal themselves with magical blue light?”
That shut me down fast. I sputtered out “No….”
“I rest my case.”
“Hey can I go change my dress? ‘ll be quick!” I questioned.
He dragged me to my room and locked my door on me. I walked over to the other door and opened it. A huge walk-in closet greeted my amazement. “Whoa.” I gasped. I ran over to a short glitzy purple sundress. I touched it and a flash filled the room. Suddenly the hanger had the gold dress and the purple dress was on me! I slipped on a pair of matching shoes and a small gold headband. Next I giggled and spun. Suddenly a small scream filled the dressing room. A little blond pixie dressed in pink and silver, was holding the dress and suddenly it flew off and crashed into the wall. “Ooooof!”, It yelled, “next time I am holding onto you, don’t spin!” It fluttered it’s silver wings helplessly, never leaving the ground and screamed “ Help me out here!”
I picked up the pixie and carried it out of my closet. Looking at it closely, I sat on my bed. I straightened out its papery wings and it flapped weakly. I looked closer and saw a tiny tear in the wing. I stood up and crossed the room to the door. Outside I found a whistling Aidan leaning against the wall near my door. “Aidan!” I called.
“Yo! Whazzup?”
“Fix this wing!”
He took the pixie and cupped it in his hands. I watched as he blew on the wing, and sprinkled blue dust on to the wing. Somehow it stuck to the wing, probably from the moisture of his breath. The wing blurred and then ran together, filling in the cut. The pixie squealed and flew through the crack under my door.
“Your personal pixie assistant Therese. She can be sassy at times but she is pretty fun. Now, want to go for a walk in the woods?”
“Yup.”I ran outside as quick as I could, Aidan running after me but never catching up. My dress glinted as I ran into the woods.
CHAPTER 7
Aidan and I walked into the woods. The shadowy path seemed like it was hiding secrets as I skipped along through the grassy forest floor. Aidan wandered along behind me. I grabbed his hand and called my power up. We flew along the ground, in a streak of light. I stopped suddenly because I didn’t want to use all my power up! Aidan whispered in my ear, “ Let’s just enjoy the forest.” As soon as he said that though, A black pegasus leaped out of the shadows and nickered. Its eyes were as blue as a stormy sea and its mane was flowing as if in a non-existent breeze.
Aidan walked up to it with a calming hand. His pale hand and arm seemed to glow in the sunlight. “Hey Storm. Where did you come from?” He said.
“This is your horse?” I questioned him. He nodded.
“This is Storm, my black pegasus.”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Okay. (deep breath) Let's do this.
I like this story, to be blunt. The characters are memorable, the details are spot-on, and the grammar and spelling are mostly correct.
But, there is one obvious issue here. The length. Seriously. I get that you want to put as much in as possible for the least amount of points, but a gigantic piece will do a good job of repelling readers.
What contributes to that all the more are your paragraphs. If you're describing something different, please make it another paragraph. My eyes felt like they were melting as I read some of the larger ones.
You're very talented, I'll tell you that. The environmental words paint an excellent mental picture, while the sentences themselves flow pretty well. The dialogue feels a bit choppy, though. Aidan's is pretty good, but Alexia feels a bit blunt. I suggest commas to improve flow.
This is a lovely piece, and I hope to see how the story develops in the future. If you want more detailed reviews, you ought to post this in chapters. But please keep posting this story. Good luck.
-Chaser
Hello there, I'm going to be reviewing your piece of work, if that's quite alright.
First things first, I'd like to say that I was very impressed by this piece of work. You show a very competent use of the first person, your sentence lengths are varied and you use a good vocabulary, as well as a range of punctuation.
You often use various techniques to create certain effects, which is a very good thing.
Your piece of work contains strong, bold and memorable characters as well as an interesting and in depth storyline, that I definitely enjoyed taking in.
At the end of each chapter, I found myself wanting to read on, which is definitely a good thing. Keeping the reader interested in your work is always important, and you've done that in a very good way.
What's really unique about this piece is the vocabulary used, because it ranges in a pleasant way. But what I would suggest is to continue letting that vocabulary grow, because the more words you have at your disposal, the more in depth and intriguing your work can become.
Occasionally, you've failed to put a new set of dialogue on a new line, but it hasn't occurred too often.
Just remember, when a new person starts speaking, it gets its own new line. Mostly, you've kept to this rule, I think you only lapsed once or twice.
Overall, I'd say this is a really interesting piece with a lot of creative potential and I'd definitely be interested in reading more.
Keep on going with this, because it's unique and gripping.
Try to varie sentence lengths here and there and try to incorporate different types of punctuation if you can. Sentence length and punctuation is another way of creating unique feels and effects, so it's always good to try and brush up on these writing skills.
Well done, keep on writing and thank you.
I look forward to maybe reading more of this in the future.