deleted

Hey there! I'm just here to leave a quick, friendly comment. I know this work has been deleted at this point, which is unfortunate because judging by the review below, and the description, it seemed really interesting, and I wish I could have read it and reviewed it.

Anyway, I'm sorry you felt the need to delete your works, and I hope that one day you'll post more on here. To try to give you a bit of advice, from the paragraphs quoted below your writing style seems engaging, but you should probably break up your paragraphs a bit. Anyway, I wish you the best of luck in future writing endeavors.

A+++

hello, happy review day. I find your plot to be very enticing, and the fact that we don't know for sure whether or not she was actually the murder adds to that. Tying into that, is your main character is quite fascinating; just the sheer complexity of this woman is very invigorating to see. Oh, and that ending line brings up so many questions -- what is this woman planning to do? I hope you come back to finish this.

That said, there are just a couple things I think you could do better. Piece-by-piece analysis:

The train station was a spitting distance from their apartment complex. In fact, it was so close to their own room that the whole building sometimes shook when one flew past. She shuffled through the afternoon crowd, the people around her scurrying to their lunch breaks in the city mist.

Climbing the metal staircase to the raised platform she recognized several of her neighbors, but none of them spotted her behind her wide rimmed hat. She'd just missed the train so she stepped beneath one of the pergolas and stood beside the bench where others sat taking shelter from the rain. She felt suddenly warm and looked up to discover that the lights overhead were thermal lamps, warming the rain-soaked passengers.

This must have been a new feature. Sedon Trans was always installing new devices and luxuries in their stations and train cabins, and yet still somehow managing to remain cheaper than the public trans-system. Between them and their competitors, Alfar Trains and Svart Bussing, there was a lot of debate as to why people should still pay taxes to maintain the rusted, rundown public trains that they still had to pay fair to ride, and now notably lacked thermal lighting fixtures.

She couldn't go to her parent. If the police weren't already knocking on their door by the time she arrived, they would be soon after they killed her. Like she had done to Mardell. She vanishes for almost a year and shows up only to reveal that she had just bought them all a one way ticket to the electric chair? That wasn't going to go over well. Most of her girlfriends were completely untrustworthy and only good for getting the gossip from her old college since she dropped out. They were incapable of keeping a secret , let alone lending help. Between Annistor, Mariette and Jessica she was better off walking up to a random police officer and asking him to shelter her from the other police. Why was she so bad at picking friends? Also Annistor had been dewy for Mardell for years, which was actually the reason she had started dating him after the incident with Danny.

She was nearing her college now, but as she did so the mall of the world, Seattle, came into view. It's single glass down and steel outer towers beckoned her. As a teen she and her friends, which back then she actually had, once spent every spare hour there, window shopping and basking in the attention allotted to them by the boys. A whim suddenly came over her, and she decided that before saying farewell to a life, she would go on one last shopping spree. One that would max out all of her credit cards.

After all, she'd never be able to use them again.

hello, happy review day. I find your plot to be very enticing, and the fact that we don't know for sure whether or not she was actually the murder adds to that. Tying into that, is your main character is quite fascinating; just the sheer complexity of this woman is very invigorating to see. Oh, and that ending line brings up so many questions -- what is this woman planning to do? I hope you come back to finish this.

That said, there are just a couple things I think you could do better. Piece-by-piece analysis:

The train station was a spitting distance from their apartment complex. In fact, it was so close to their own room that the whole building sometimes shook when one flew past. She shuffled through the afternoon crowd, the people around her scurrying to their lunch breaks in the city mist.

Climbing the metal staircase to the raised platform she recognized several of her neighbors, but none of them spotted her behind her wide rimmed hat. She'd just missed the train so she stepped beneath one of the pergolas and stood beside the bench where others sat taking shelter from the rain. She felt suddenly warm and looked up to discover that the lights overhead were thermal lamps, warming the rain-soaked passengers.

This must have been a new feature. Sedon Trans was always installing new devices and luxuries in their stations and train cabins, and yet still somehow managing to remain cheaper than the public trans-system. Between them and their competitors, Alfar Trains and Svart Bussing, there was a lot of debate as to why people should still pay taxes to maintain the rusted, rundown public trains that they still had to pay fair to ride, and now notably lacked thermal lighting fixtures.

She couldn't go to her parent. If the police weren't already knocking on their door by the time she arrived, they would be soon after they killed her. Like she had done to Mardell. She vanishes for almost a year and shows up only to reveal that she had just bought them all a one way ticket to the electric chair? That wasn't going to go over well. Most of her girlfriends were completely untrustworthy and only good for getting the gossip from her old college since she dropped out. They were incapable of keeping a secret , let alone lending help. Between Annistor, Mariette and Jessica she was better off walking up to a random police officer and asking him to shelter her from the other police. Why was she so bad at picking friends? Also Annistor had been dewy for Mardell for years, which was actually the reason she had started dating him after the incident with Danny.

She was nearing her college now, but as she did so the mall of the world, Seattle, came into view. It's single glass down and steel outer towers beckoned her. As a teen she and her friends, which back then she actually had, once spent every spare hour there, window shopping and basking in the attention allotted to them by the boys. A whim suddenly came over her, and she decided that before saying farewell to a life, she would go on one last shopping spree. One that would max out all of her credit cards.

After all, she'd never be able to use them again.