E - Everyone

Cliff Jumping in Maui

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      There were breathtaking views everywhere you turned, and the clear blue ocean surrounded us on all sides. My dad and I were pretty jetlagged and woke up really early. We decided to go for a morning hike along Waihee Ridge. We drove to the trailhead a few miles from our hotel and began our trek. Waihee Ridge wasn’t supposed to be a very intense hike, only 2 miles with a bit of uphill. What my dad and I didn’t know is that Waihee Ridge and Wail’eia Ridge each start at the same point. To the right is a nice brief loop with a view of the Kapalua village recommended for beginner hikers. To the left is a steep 5 mile climb up Wail’eia Ridge and back down recommended for expert hikers only. They weren’t marked, and my dad and I, being the naive tourists we were, decided randomly to take the trail on the left. After walking uphill through lush jungle for about 45 minutes, my dad and I realized something weird was going on. We decided to turn around and head back. The trail wasn’t very obvious and in our jetlagged state, we mistook a path leading off diagonally down the hill for the correct trail. We marched down the hill until we noticed it turning sandy and realized we were definitely not going the right way. By now this 20 minute hike had turned into a 2 hour expedition. We decided to just stick it out and see where it led.

      We popped out in a cove surrounded by native Hawaiians that were very surprised to see two bedraggled tourists at 11 in the morning. We nodded politely and began to turn back around when, to our horror, we noticed a teenager backflipping off the cliff on the side of the cove. No one else seemed particularly phased by this. Soon, more and more people began jumping. A boy a few years older than me came over to us.

     “It’s pali. You jump. Perfectly safe.” he told us in a lyrical mix of English and Hawaiian. He walked us over to the edge and urged us to jump. The rest of the group had gathered to see the tourists, or malahini as they called us, jump. There was a surprising amount of pressure to take the plunge, so we took off our shoes and walked hesitantly to the edge of the cliff. It was a lot higher than it looked. After some serious reassuring from the boy that it was perfectly safe, I jumped.

     The moment that I jumped was the slow motion falling that you see in the movies. Then I hit the water and was pulled back into reality. The cool blue ocean wrapped around me, and I can very clearly remember a konu or sea turtle swimming on the bottom of the cove below me. I stayed underwater for a moment, watching the light filter in and the brightly colored fish dart around. I surfaced and then swam back to the edge of the cliff. This presented the new challenge of how to get back up. I watched a little girl deftly scamper up the side of the rock, so I followed suit and managed to haul myself up again. I was met with pats on the back from the Hawaiians. They were kind enough to show us a shortcut back to the start of the trailhead, and we hiked back to our car. Finally, we made it to the hotel where my mom and brother laughed about us getting lost, but did not properly appreciate my daring leap from the cliff with locals.

     While we were in Maui, we went snorkeling with tropical fish, hiked 1600 feet to the top of a mountain, swam underneath a waterfall and lounged on the beach, but my favorite and most unforgettable experience was cliff jumping. 

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
Snazzy
Review
Snazzy wrote a review · Tue Nov 18, 2014 2:24 am

Hello! :D
Snazzy here to review your story! :D First of all, is this real? If you don't mind me asking... :D Because that would be-be, just AMAZING!! :D I want to go cliff jumping with the natives!! :D :) (although I would most likely chicken out at the last moment...) I only have a couple of corrections-

"but did not properly appreciate my daring leap from the cliff with locals."

I don't think "properly" would be the correct word to use in this. Maybe a different word would be better. :) Just a suggestion though. :)

I also think that you need a little more paragraphs, then again, this is only a suggestion, either way would be fine. :D

That is all I found! :D Great job, and keep writing! :D

~Snazzy :)

Hya! Imagination here with some positive remarks! Please, please, please tell me this is true. Please! I love this story. You can't make this stuff up. You got lost for two hours? It seems like that's a memory you, and your feet, will never forget. But my favorite part of the story was when you jumped. This is a really, really, REALLY weird thing for me to ask, but Hey, according to the stereotypes, all writers are weird, right? Anyway. As a challenge, would you be able to write one just on the feeling of jumping off the cliff? I would love to experience that. Thank you!

Never limit your imagination to what you think is silly or isn't cool.

User avatar
huda0509
Review

Hey! Huda here, for a review.

I'm making bullet points so it'll be easy for me to write and you to read.
1) The word usage is really nice and I appreciate it a lot.
2)"What my dad and I didn't know is that Waihee Ridge". As you are narrating a story so the tense should be past. I mean, it should be 'I didn't know was...'
3) In the very first line, you've used the word ' surrounded' and then you said,' on all sides'. The word surrounded itself means 'on all sides' so no need to mention it afterwards. Its a really obvious thing.
4)' and my dad and I, being the naive tourists we were,' Here again, no need to write 'we were' at the end. The line is already clear.
5)Don't just write 45 or 20 this way. Always write in words because this way, it looks more nice and presentable.
6)"A boy a few years older than me came over to us." Here, a comma should be placed after boy.
7) You narrated an event so well! The writing style is great and I loved the last paragraph. The descriptions in the last paragraph were just awesome and it made a clear picture of the whole event in my head.
8) You used action verbs which I greatly appreciate.
9) The plot was simple and you build a beautiful story with it. I loved it! Keep writing! :)



You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension: a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You’re moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You’ve just crossed over into… the Twilight Zone.
— Rod Serling