Book 1 Deceptions and Awakenings - Chapter 1:The Commission

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Staring at the man across from him Kliectos couldn’t help but wonder what level of hell he had crawled from. He could feel his insane glare searing into his being trying to assess him. That wasn’t what unnerved him though, it was the presence. It was the foreboding presence that clamped down on his soul willing him to submit or die.

Many would call Kliectos an imposing figure, but the man across from him was even more imposing in a sinister kind of way. Dressed in a cowl, not unlike the ones worn by mourners, the man across from him looked to be some sort of spectral being. Demon, Kliectos thought laying his naginata in his lap, but demon or not one swing of this will send him screaming back to whatever hellhole he crawled from. That thought gave Kliectos a slight sense of satisfaction.

Except for the clanking of the metal forks on the exquisite glass plates, there was no other sound to be heard in the room where Kliectos and his employer sat. The eerie quiet did nothing to calm Kliectos’s frayed nerves. Instead, it heightened his steadily growing sense of danger, a sense that Kliectos had learned to trust over the years.

Kliectos poked at the food on his plate, it as some sort of putrid-smelling fish. It’s probably poisoned, Kliectos thought.

“The food is safe, I do not wish you harm,” the man across from him said, “If I did, you would be dead by now.” Kliectos grated his teeth, the man’s voice sounded deep and hollow, befitting that of a specter. 

Finishing his food, the man across from him stood and exited the room limping as he did. Wonder how he got the limp, Kliectos thought as he watched the man leave the room. The man’s standard-issue military boots made occasional squeaks on the white marble floors. Not knowing if he was supposed to follow the man or not Kliectos stayed seated and played with the charm bracelet on his wrist. His wife had given it to him before he had moved to Galerad to commence his career as an assassin.

“To keep the demons away” she had said. He had been away from her for two years now, if he completed this job he could go back to Tynakoa and live in luxury. That as if the pay was really as good as he had been told.

The whole time Kliectos had been musing, he had been absent-mindedly eating his food. Walking back into the room the man stared at the plate of food and then grinned. To Kliectos, it looked more like a grimace, he could only see the pearly whiteness of the man’s teeth under his cowl.

“So you have decided to trust me, eh?” Kliectos wanted to say no, but he opted for saying nothing, instead, he continued to glower at the man.

“No, well maybe this will persuade you otherwise,” the man said. He threw the bag he had been carrying on the table in front of Kliectos and untied the string. The glint of the gold inside caught the greedy look in Kliectos's eyes. Kliectos grabbed a piece and rubbed it between his thumb and forefinger, he even proceeded to bite a piece.

“How much,” Kliectos said, digging his hands through the bag.

“A princely sum,” he barked, “that's only one-third of the money you'll receive.”

“What’s the job?” 

"Kill Bargow captain of the army, and Makiedos king of Galerad. There's a rough outline of the castle," the man said, as he handed Kliectos a slip of paper. His hands were unexpectedly soft and well-manicured. "One of my spies drew it, I trust you'll know what to do with it. He reported that Makiedos is having a feast to celebrate his twenty years as king." The man across from him cursed and slammed his fist on the table. Kliectos stared unblinkingly at a fixated spot above the man's head, his hands strayed slowly to the handle of his naginata in his lap. "There's a prime opportunity to kill him, do it by any means necessary. It's a risky job, but if you complete it, you can go back to your homeland, and live with your wife."

“Hmm,” Kliectos wondered how he knew about his wife. Staring at the table for a span of five minutes, Kliectos finally grabbed the bag of gold off the table and transferred it under his seat.

“I guess that means you accept the job, no other guild member would take it. They did say you were an ambitious one.”Ambitious or a fool, this is insane, Kliectos thought.

“Is it really now,” the man said, his voice carried an undertone of amusement. “I don’t think my request is insane at all, I did choose the best assassin in the guild, didn’t I?’ Kliectos stared at the man incredulously.

He’s a lunatic, Kliectos thought. Instead, he asked how many days he had for the job. The man stared at Kliectos before finally answering, “ a week,” he said, turning as if to go. 

“Wait,” Kliectos said “I-.”

“You would like to know my name,” the man said, stealing the words right out of Kliectos’s mouth. “I go by many names, one of them being the Great Deceiver, you may call me that.”

This last revelation was too much for Kliectos. I really gotta stop by Pete’s brewery and grab a drink, Kliectos thought. “If you succeed,” the man said, “do not return here, my men will find you and deliver the reward. If you fail, well, if you fail you’ll-”

“I’ll be executed, banished, or I’ll rot in prison,” Kliectos interrupted, “I know.”

“Your wrong,” the man said, stooping down so that he and Kliectos were eye to eye. Even in their close proximity, Kliectos couldn’t see under the man’s cowl. “Your no good to me alive,” the man said, his voice was low and threatening, “if you fail, I’ll kill you myself.”

Comments & reviews · 3
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5h4d0W
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5h4d0W wrote a review · Mon Mar 08, 2021 1:06 am

What a way to start off a story of a mercenary assassin. I don't really have much to say because I'm just merely enjoying the flow of the story.

But anyway, it's just a suggestion, but to get more content to write about, maybe you can give a pov story from the The Great Deceiver to show the readers a bit of his past, maybe also the motives to why he even hired Kliectos to assassinate Bargow and Makiedos. Also, maybe a bit flashback on how Kliectos gets the katana. I mean, its just my imagination running wild but the name Kliectos doesn't sound like a man who came from Japan so I just thought maybe he used to learn swordsmanship from a japanese swordsmaster or something like that.

Again, its just a suggestion so you don't need to take this seriously because this is your story. I'm excited for the next chapter so keep up the good work!

I actually was going to do a flashback of the Great deceiver. It would have made a lot more sense, but I was really struggling with it, maybe I will. My island Tynakoa is based on Japan to a degree. Thank you so much for the review.

Hi Dallas D,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

An exciting start to a longer story. You bring the reader into the world right away with your narration by describing a bit what the situation around Kliectos is like. It seems a bit like he's narrating it himself, looking around and observing everything.

Through his thoughts, you can also see very well through the story what kind of personality Kliectos is and you notice that despite the kind of profession as an assassin that he has chosen, he seems to be a rather reserved and cautious person. He has his reasons.

I like that you put some thought into the story. You can clearly see it in the way you throw around a lot of names and terms right away, like Bargow or Makiedos, etc. If the story opens up further in the next chapters, a map would be very handy for the reader.

I like the name of Kliectos, but am having trouble figuring out how to pronounce it. Probably Kli-ec-tos, but I keep reading the name as Kliec-tos? :D

The job is extremely hard, but the pay is well worth it, if you complete the job you can go back to your homeland and live the rest of your life peacefully with your wife."


This makes me wonder to what extent the man is still important to the plot and whether he himself is working for someone? After all, he introduces himself as Great Deceiver at the end. Mysterious... :D

Ambitious or a fool, this is insane, Kliectos thought.


This gives Kliectos a new character trait. I almost thought he would think further and call himself insane to take the job. :D

I really gotta stop by Pete's brewery and grab a drink, Kliectos thought.


That made me laugh. It shows once again how Kliectos is a very approachable person.

If you fail, well, if you fail you'll."


Just as a note here, wouldn't you have to put a hyphen in there, after all the Great Deceiver is interrupted by Kliectos while he is speaking. ("If you fail, well, if you fail you´ll -")

It would be handy if you put in the title which chapter / prologue the story is telling. It's only the first one now, of course, but if you publish the sequels bit by bit, it's hard to keep track when a new reader wants to start from the beginning.

I liked the story a lot and I'm curious to see how it continues! Have fun with the writing!

Mailice.

Thank you so much Mailice, I know I definitely need to work on my grammar. The name is pronounced Kliec-tos with a long e. I am glad that you go the character of Kliectos, honestly, even though he is not one of my main characters he is one of my favorite. Thank you so much for reviewing.

Thanks for the info on Kliectos's pronunciation!



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