My name is Robert Michael McKinney. I am eighteen years old and was born on September 3rd, 1994 in Tampa, Florida. When I was two my mother, Alison Maheux, and I moved to Omaha, Nebraska, while my father, Demitrious McKinney, stayed behind. In Omaha, my mother went to pharmacy school. She met Jason Huffman and soon gave birth to my little sister, Lexi Huffman, in October of 1997. When I was ten, my mother finished pharmacy school and her, my sister, and I moved to Evansville, Indiana for my mother's new job. That is when things went downhill for me.
When we moved to Evansville, my grades plummeted from "A"s and "B"s to "D"s and "F"s. I was depressed and hated life. For my whole 6th grade year, I had a few friends, which made the getting used to the change slightly easier, but I still despised having to move. Towards the middle of 7th grade I started talking to Brittany, an old friend from Omaha, via Myspace. We became friends again and soon after started being girlfriend and boyfriend. Keep in mind that, to this day, I do not think of this relationship as "real", and do not think of her as my ex-girlfriend. About a month or two after this started, Lantz, my old best friend from Omaha, told me that Brittany was going out with a guy named Nolan. I confronted Brittany about this and it was indeed the truth. Looking back, I know that the entire thing was ridiclulous, but that was an iconic moment for me. It was the first time I cut myself.
At the end of the school year, I went on the music trip to Six Flags with the students from my strings class, the students in choir, and the students in band. This was the most memorable moment for me. There, we used the "Buddy System" and I did not have a "Buddy" and, just like the year before, I was going to walk around the park by myself. Then I saw him. From the way things looked, he didn't seem to have a "Buddy" either. I walked up to him and asked and he confirmed my theory. I proceeded with asking if we could be "Buddies" and he said "Sure". That day was the most joyful memory I have of Evansville. We road many roller coasters numerous times and above all, had fun. The first "real" fun I can remember having since I moved here. That day Trey Anthony Layne and I began our friendship. We are inseperable best friends even now. To this day I believe that, if I had never met him, I would not have made it to today. In a way, I think he saved me from loneliness and, by doing that, saved me from completely giving up on life.
During my Freshman year, I discovered that I had more mental problems than ADHD, Depression, and Anxiety. I learned that I liked the thought of killing people. I was put on medication, but after about two years, it started to periodically get worse to the point where I would have very in-depth thought processes about who I would kill, how I would kill them, and what actions I would take afterwards. Eventually, I stopped getting excited at the thoughts and they just became another random thought process in my day-to-day life.
When I went back to school to finish my preveiously failed Senior year, I started to get lonely again. However, this was different than before I met Trey. This was a longing for love. I had always thought it would be nice to have a girlfriend, but never cared enough to do anything. I started to become depressed again, and still didn't try to get one. I always thought, "Why would anyone like me? Let alone love me? I'm just a fat, ugly, and talentless guy who makes bad grades and can't do anything right." Even today those thoughts occasionally come up in my mind, but I don't care anymore. I keep hoping to find someone who will love me for who I am and whom I will be glad to call a friend and girlfriend. A girl that is kind, funny, energetic, and very open-minded. The following is a fictional story where I meet this girl. I will name this fictional girl Talitha Higaze. Keep in mind that I do not necesarily think this will happen. It is merely one scenario where it just happens to.
Hey Robert!
I am sorry that you feel this way. When I was reading this work, I was hoping that it was fictional, and by the time I was finished with it, even before I read your comment down below, I realized it wasn’t. Anyway, this is a terrible spot to be in, and I hope it gets better for you!
As far as girls? I don’t know… I think that there may be this general misperception around that says that once you fall in love and you have a girlfriend/boyfriend, everything just gets magically better. And this isn’t necessarily true. In fact, if you are in the wrong sort of relationship (which usually is somewhat abusive) it can generally be much worse.
It might be better, instead of going into a relationship at the very start, to find and build friendships with others. For me, this was really helpful. Then, when I stumbled on romance, I was well-practiced in opening my heart to others. And, you need to get used to opening your heart to others.
Also, maybe, if you are really set on having a girlfriend, you can try some dating sites? I don’t know… I met my fiance on OK Cupid, so it totally can work out! You just have to be patient!
Anyway, best of luck, and I hope it gets better! In any case, feel free to write about it… sometimes writing about it helps relieve some of the pain.
Lots of hugs for you!
i have the same problems i i had work stuffed every where and almost tried to kill my self i hope tht you find a girl that loves you for who you are and btw you arent ugly
All of this is true down to the names. I am not necessarily looking for advice on my writing. I simply wanted to write this all down and hopefully start a fictional story where I actually meet a great girl. I am not hoping that anyone takes pity on me. I just think if write something about myself meeting a girl that will love me and I, her, maybe I will begin to think more hopeful and confident thoughts. If I do continue with this, then know that the only thing made up is this girl and our relationship. None of it has happened and I doubt it ever will.