Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
(Some words are placed weirdly because I couldn't separate properly for some reason)
Here we go again,
I'm rolling in bed,
thinkin' what to do
cuz I'm a big mess
You say i'm lazy,
and they say I'm weird,
and maybe I'm crazy
but it's all that I hear.
You blame it on stuff,
And all the useless shit I do
And say: "Look at your big bro."
"He has a girl"
Oh
Why can't you understand?
It's what to do,
not who to meet.
Well, not like I could.
I don't care who does this and that
And I'm allowed to say "fuck you"
for what they think I should
And neither should you care,
they're irrelevant.
Why not care about yourself
instead of who gossiped what,
or who got a golden watch,
or which cousin is successful,
and has a wife.
Oh
We both know this ain't a fairy tale
What works for the ant doesn't work for the whale
Great...
Here we go again
I'm rolling in bed...
Oh
It goes on and off.
It goes on and off.
Sometimes I listen like a wall
And sometimes I do not
Here we go again
On and off...
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Spartan here and I'm gonna be reviewing the song lyrics quickly.
First off the this kinda feels like it'd be better flowing like a rap or maybe a slow country song but that's just my opinion. Second the repeated ' It goes on and off. It goes on and off' kinda feels a little weird maybe changing it to ' It goes on and off and on and off.' (Personally feels weird to say on and off like that repeatedly but the flow is there.)
I gotta say for a first attempt this is pretty good and the concept of people staying out of others business I agree with because I truly want the same thing from people sometimes.
Well that's all I gotta say thank you for the rough draft of this song please message me with the completed version or maybe the rest I'd really love to read it and possibly find the right beat and flow for it from my st and point.
I origininally saw it as a slower song. Not really as a country song but not as rap either. If that makes any sense.
It actually does and I can see it too now that mention it
Hello there. The egg, warrior of all that is good, has come to review this piece.
I get the idea is that you wish people would care about themselves and not other people, mainly you, and I totally get this. I often feel like people are too engulfed in things they shouldn't be rather than worrying about what they want.
So, this had a very "hip-hop" vibe to it (wow great description). I think one thing you could've done better was word selection. Lots of this sounded very awkward when placed together and I think your main focus next time should be getting rhyming lines or lines that sound comfortable together after you write the lyrics. Here's an example.
That sounds very awkward. You should change the "do not" to "don't" or some other shorter word that would seem to fit more comfortably.
Either way, I really liked the idea of it all. Just try to make sure the lyrics sound comfortable together and your next piece'll sound 10 times better!
Long live Big Brother.
Yeah, I noticed that some of it sounds awkward. Thank you egg boye