Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Lyrics » Lyrical

16+

A rolling mess(unfinished, first attempt at song writing)

by Awkwardboy


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

(Some  words are placed weirdly because I couldn't separate properly for some reason)

Here we go again,

I'm rolling in bed,

thinkin' what to do

cuz I'm a big mess

                                                                                          You say i'm lazy,

and they say I'm weird,

and maybe I'm crazy

but it's all that I hear.

                                                                                           You blame it on stuff,

And all the useless shit I do

And say: "Look at your big bro."

"He has a girl"

                                                                                           Oh

Why can't you understand?

It's what to do,

not who to meet.

Well, not like I could.

                                                                                           I don't care who does this and that

And I'm allowed to say "fuck you"

for what they think I should

                                                                                          And neither should you care,

they're irrelevant.

Why not care about yourself

instead of who gossiped what,

or who got a golden watch,

or which cousin is successful,

and has a wife.

                                                                                           Oh

We both know this ain't a fairy tale

What works for the ant doesn't work for the whale

                                                                                            Great...

Here we go again

I'm rolling in bed...

                                                                                          Oh

It goes on and off.

It goes on and off.

Sometimes I listen like a wall

And sometimes I do not

                                                                                           Here we go again

On and off...


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
60 Reviews


Points: 287
Reviews: 60

Donate
Sun Jan 27, 2019 11:01 am
Spartan118 wrote a review...



Spartan here and I'm gonna be reviewing the song lyrics quickly.
First off the this kinda feels like it'd be better flowing like a rap or maybe a slow country song but that's just my opinion. Second the repeated ' It goes on and off. It goes on and off' kinda feels a little weird maybe changing it to ' It goes on and off and on and off.' (Personally feels weird to say on and off like that repeatedly but the flow is there.)
I gotta say for a first attempt this is pretty good and the concept of people staying out of others business I agree with because I truly want the same thing from people sometimes.
Well that's all I gotta say thank you for the rough draft of this song please message me with the completed version or maybe the rest I'd really love to read it and possibly find the right beat and flow for it from my st and point.




Awkwardboy says...


I origininally saw it as a slower song. Not really as a country song but not as rap either. If that makes any sense.



Spartan118 says...


It actually does and I can see it too now that mention it



User avatar


Points: 101
Reviews: 3

Donate
Sun Jan 27, 2019 2:54 am
TheEgg wrote a review...



Hello there. The egg, warrior of all that is good, has come to review this piece.

I get the idea is that you wish people would care about themselves and not other people, mainly you, and I totally get this. I often feel like people are too engulfed in things they shouldn't be rather than worrying about what they want.

So, this had a very "hip-hop" vibe to it (wow great description). I think one thing you could've done better was word selection. Lots of this sounded very awkward when placed together and I think your main focus next time should be getting rhyming lines or lines that sound comfortable together after you write the lyrics. Here's an example.

Sometimes I listen like a wall
And sometimes I do not

That sounds very awkward. You should change the "do not" to "don't" or some other shorter word that would seem to fit more comfortably.

Either way, I really liked the idea of it all. Just try to make sure the lyrics sound comfortable together and your next piece'll sound 10 times better!

Long live Big Brother.




Awkwardboy says...


Yeah, I noticed that some of it sounds awkward. Thank you egg boye




Nothing is impossible, for the word itself says, 'I'm possible!'
— Audrey Hepburn