There he was,
holding a michrophone.
His face engulfed in darkness
on that dark stage.
But somehow,
I knew.
That it was me holding it
and not anyone else.
I screamed:
THAT'S ME! ME!
It couldn't have been
anyone else but me.
Deep down
I knew
But as soon as it happened,
that eye opening line...
"I'm gay..."
I woke up,
and I was back in denial.
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140,667 Literary Works • 673,586 Reviews
O o f.
Heyo, I'm Autopilot and I'm here to review your poem about your unfortunate lack of thereof.
That sounds harsh, but believe that's not what I mean; because I totally understand this. Let me explain. Hi, I'm Autopilot, and I've been officially, but still only partially, out for just over a year. I guess I'm pansexual, I started out saying I was bi, but that still didn't feel right. Because I don't "like guys AND girls." I like people, I fall in love with souls, not faces. Anyway, I guess what I'm getting at is, I understand.
I know this is a hard thing, especially depending on your circumstances. My parents know about me (and despise me for it). My entire family is extremely religious and homophobic, and I haven't told them yet because in not quite ready to totally separate myself from my kin. Although it'll have to happen eventually, how else will I explain when I walk in the door with my wife?
I guess that because I relate to this so deeply, despite your simpleness in this poem, it resonates very deeply with me. I really like your concept, and how simply you wrote it. It gives you a very clear idea of what insane you're trying to present, I love it.
I like your pauses, it reads how I talk. I like your basic wording, and your use of punctuation overall. You have no apparent spelling errors, so good that!
This work is very honest and open, and I don't know if you're still struggling with this, but if you are, have no hesitations about hitting me up. I love supporting my friends who can't come out yet, for any reason. Sometimes people forget that not everyone can just be "out" with no repercussions. I lost a girlfriend because of that, actually (it was actually a good thing in the end, but still).
Good luck and keep on writing!
Autopilot
Thanks a lot! I'm over denial, if that's what you're asking, and I tried to come out but in the end I did not.... It's a weird story.
Heya, this is ElvenJedi, here for a review!
First off, WOW. This poem is incredibly unique and original, I love it so much! I love the concept of the stage, this is soooooo well done! Anyway, since this is a review, let's get to the critique. Honestly I have nothing negative to say about the poem as a whole, so this will mostly be minor suggestions/corrections.
-in the second line, it should be a comma after microphone, instead of a period.
-in that same stanza, you use "dark" and "darkness" a bit too close together to sound right, so maybe you could replace one of them with a different word?
-in the second line of the second stanza, you should replace the period after "knew" with a long dash, colon, or simply get rid of it and leave it- no punctuation is necessary there.
-in the third stanza, you should probably add quotes around the character's exclamation, and maybe replace the colon with a comma. Just my opinion though. I think it would fit better, since you use quotes later on in the poem.
-in the fourth stanza, there should be some sort of punctuation in the first two lines. also, I dont think the word "eye-opening" really fits here, and there are dozens of other adjectives I'm sure you could think of that would fit a lot better! Maybe that's just my opinion though.
-last nitpick, I think it would make the wording here a lot easier to understand on first read if in the second to last line you put "then I woke up" instead of "I woke up."
Anyway, that's all! I hope you find this review helpful, and I look forward to reading more of your works in the future!
Thanks <333 this is definitely helpful. I used periods kn weird places because I wanted longer pauses. Does that make sense? Perhaps I should have used something else, but yeah, thanks.