& in this way i am so subdued—
touch me like the wind & i am
sweet grass, the kind i’d bend &
pluck apart as a child. / my thumbprints
are now left only with the traces
of my resentment. / it is on everything
i touch; watch as it spreads
to my skull, / watch as i spread into
mass. / i know the cure, & still—
call me a conspiracist. / look,
see my teeth—the bones are broken &
fissured & so sick. / & i am still
so sick. / call me the sinner,
call me Judas, / say i’ll forget
my tongue again, & i will;
the color of the grass, the skin
between my fingers, the way
i used to love. / say it so
i don’t have to, say it so i can
fall into myself again, so i can
forget my name & face & mother
& how sick i am. & it is so much easier—
/ tell me that i can be the sinner again. /
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141,247 Literary Works • 674,329 Reviews
Mmm the physicallity of sickness and the erosion of a consciousness still fighting for peace. Everything you touch is evidence of the within accumulation, the resentment that spills through cracks like rot infultrating the things you once loved. The grass may be green, but inbetween your palms is it the still same green you once played with as a kid?
The ampersands use is so smart, it makes the flow.. well flow, the connectivity of using & and / creates a breathless phrasing. Interruptions of yourself when you slash through a thought. You speak yet cut yourself off, as if the thoughts themselves have no time to sit, they must move on and continue. The fragmentation continues throughout the imagery. As you reach for condementation, the title of a sinner would erase the notions of figuring out the motives behind the pain and ache, resolve as a sinner and you can "be" who you're told you are. "Tell me who I am so the mirror won't have to be my reflection", tell me im sick, tell me Im judas. The sinner, the knife, the oil. To find deserveness in forgetting oneself.
You know a really common nightmare is off your teeth rotting, or breaking off. The sensation that something inside of you is broken, 'fissured'. When your tooth breaks, suddenly the smile you loved turns into something you'd wish to wipe away, the letters whistle as you speak, eating seems to cause more issues than it brings. The connectivity from the mouth to the teeth to the tongue.. in the center of it all the physicallity of the sickness turns into almost a black hole. Until you forget your name, your face, your mother and the color.. the color of that green grass, so tender, bend and pulled apart. And yet theres no resolution at the end, again.. you want to be called a sinner. A familiar label.. warmth to escape having to uncover a confrontation with who lives under all those labels.
ok first off??? THESE WORDS WILL SPLIT MY TEETH is such a title. it immediately put me on edge and then the poem just... delivered.
i’m obsessed with how physical everything feels here. like touch me like the wind & i am / sweet grass made me actually think of being a kid and pulling grass apart. and then you go straight to see my teeth—the bones are broken & / fissured & so sick and i felt that in my chest. the way you make resentment have "thumbprints" and "spreads / to my skull" is so good?? it’s not just a feeling, it’s living inside the body.
the lowercase i and all the & and / makes it feel like someone is just whispering this at 3am and can’t stop. especially lines like say it so / i don't have to, say it so i can / fall into myself again, so i can / forget my name & face & mother / & how sick i am. bro. that.
and the contradiction of wanting to be named "the sinner, / call me Judas" but also wanting someone else to say it so you don’t have to?? so real. so much easier— with that dash just trails off perfectly.
the color of the grass, the skin / between my fingers, the way / i used to love gutted me. you didn’t just lose a feeling, you lost the small details that came with it and that’s what hurts the most.
ending with tell me that i can be the sinner again left me staring at my screen for a minute. it’s painful but also so beautiful.
thank you for sharing this. i’ll be thinking about the broken teeth and the sweet grass for a while. can’t wait to read more from you!
funnily enough, i did write this around 3 am one night
🫡🫡
This is a lovely read! I’ll be sure to check out more of your works another time.
It seems that the speaker is dealing with resentment, sickness, guilt, and the experience of losing parts of oneself, and in the poem, these feelings are not described explicitly but through metaphors.
It is interesting to me how contrasting the soft opening of the poem is to the following dark images. The memories of "sweet grass" and childhood seem to be peaceful and calm; therefore, the following mentions of broken bones, illnesses, and the inability to remember the past seem to be particularly devastating.
I particularly liked the idea that everything the speaker touches is contaminated with his resentment. At the same time, the repetition of "call me" creates the image of the speaker trying to get a certain name and be defined by something.
It is quite possible that it is the name of the sinner or Judas because he wants to leave himself and forget who he used to be. The use of "&" throughout the poem creates the particular rhythm and makes the poem quite personal.
It is an amazing work and I completely understand why it was selected for the Literary Spotlight. 😁
thanks for the review! (also i would actually not recommend checking out my other works—they are all very old and don’t reflect my writing style anymore! :’] )
Got it!
I really liked this poem. It feels deeply emotional and very honest, and the speaker’s voice comes across as vulnerable without feeling forced. The imagery is especially strong—lines about the grass, broken teeth, and losing parts of yourself create powerful visuals that stay with the reader. I also think the repeated use of “&” gives the poem a fast, almost breathless rhythm that reflects the speaker’s emotional state. Overall, it’s a moving piece that explores pain, identity, and self-worth in a way that feels authentic and memorable.
Hi Avian! I found your poem, sloth, very thought provoking and deeply felt it. Thanks for sharing it with us! Here are some of the parts that stood out to me:
This is very powerful imagery. I can almost feel the echo of the finger grasping my arm. The resentment lingering long after the argument.
This is powerful also. I have felt this before. Just out with it because we both know what it is you want to say, so say and we can be done with it finally. Confirm the things we both know to be true. That kind of energy.
Wanting to forget it all. To become the nothing we feel. To be forgotten even by ourselves. Very poignant.
First of all, I really love the use of punctuation in this poem. It really separates the lines and makes the reader pause and think about what they have read, but it also reminds me of texting. Since the title is 'sloth' and you said in a post that you had been feeling 'sluggish' it gives me the idea of the narrator lazing around, not bothering to do anything, scrolling on their phone and having these deep thoughts in fleeting moments.
We start here in a nostalgic moment that highlights the fragile vulnerability of childhood innocence. What was a sweet childhood moment is now tinged with resentment:
You move expertly through these feelings and ideas! Again, it reminded me of a phone, how you might use your thumbprint to unlock and then scroll; something so personal and unique used to make you like everybody else. You move on to how this feeling has spread to everything, like an infection:
We all know the cure; we just need to get up and DO. But it's not that easy, however much we tell ourselves
I think this is my favourite line. It flows so well.
The ending of the poem shows the core psychological paradox you've set up: the narrator begs to be labelled a 'sinner' and as 'Judas.' This condemnation offers relief, because if others name them the villain, the narrator no longer has to face their own identity, face, mother, or illness. Just surrendering to the role of the sinner is easier than getting up and trying to heal. It paints a painful picture of depression, and I hope you are doing okay <3. A beautiful poem.
thank you for the review! your interpretation was pretty much spot-on <3
A very nostalgic poem written by the writer.
The opening lines establish a contrast between a gentle past and a hardened present, the speaker remembers being "subdued" and responsive like "sweet grass," a nostalgic nod to childhood innocence. That softness is gone. The resentment is not just emotional, it feels physical.
The imagery of broken, fissured, and "sick" teeth highlights a decay that goes deep into the bone. The speaker is trapped in a cycle of chronic emotional or physical illness.
The most complex part of the poem is the craving to be labelled "the sinner" or "Judas." Being cast as the villain is actually a relief for the speaker. If other people define them as bad, the speaker no longer has to carry the exhausting weight of trying to be good or trying to heal.
Honestly, trying to process the sheer scale of the speaker's internal decay and self-loathing is so endearing, leaving the readers feeling just as breathless and fractured as the narrator.
(My perspective might not be the same as the writer's real message conveyed through this poem.)
Keep it up.
Waiting for more.
Thank you.
In my opinion, this poem seems to be about becoming slothful due to despair, unless I'm mistaken. The feeling of not wanting to do anything anymore because you just want to forget all the painful things in life can be quite overwhelming. I think a lot of people can relate to the speaker's wish in this poem, which seems to be to forget everything. I also noticed how you use the word "sinner" and guessed that you chose this word because sloth can be seen as a moral failing by many people. Overall, this was a good poem!