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139,253 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
text version
sometimes i pretend the moon is more
Spoiler
than just an orb in the sky,
and i can hope that she listens when i whisper
gentle rhythms of sorrow and serenity to the fireflies.
The air is damp and sticky, clinging to our skin
while we dance in dew-soaked grass.
i want so badly to extend this moment into the grasp of eternity,
to tell the earth of our existence so that we will never be lost,
to hold this in the palm of my hands and chant incessantly “i know you.”
i have always felt with every strand of my existence,
i will always feel every word uttered into my skin,
and it’s nights like these when i am reduced
to nothing more than sweat and stardust.
Hi, popping in with a review!
This poem is just...beautiful. It shows a feeling I personally know all too well--being so overcome with feeling that you don't know what else to do. The imagery is on point--I can feel myself as the narrator, seeing the same things they are. You accomplish that so well. The feeling of reading it is almost like catching a firefly and letting it go, the voice captures the feeling perfectly.
I would normally suggest to capitalize your I's (It shows how important you are to yourself!) but in this case I feel like it fits perfectly with the poem. It's a style choice, I can see that, and I can't imagine the poem with perfect capitalization.
Overall, I admire this poem so much and hope to write something so good someday. You're such a good writer! You have complete command over your words and I can see that in your poetry.
Keep writing!
<3, Meenal
Oh my goodness thank you so much! ^^ I%u2019m glad this poem resonated with you
This is beautiful. I could not imagine me making this. I love this.
thank you!! ^^
Hello Hello, I hope you dont mind me popping in with a quick review. I will apologize that this might be on the short side. I still hope my thoughts could brighten your day nonetheless. With that being said I think that's enough of me rambling. Let's get into it, shall we?
Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this. I do hope you are getting your motivation back as your work is always a good read. Although it's only a few paragraphs you manage to pack in a nice amount of story. I feel the short nature of this piece works not only for the voice but also for the themes.
It feels like a fleeting moment and when combined with wanting to keep a moment forever it reminds us everything is short. I don't mean that in a depressing way but more phases in life are short and we create little pockets of time that we can look back to. We felt that feeling so deeply and will continue to feel deeply but in time that becomes an echo of who you were. As much as you try to hold on trying to remember it will warp it over time but it's the small things that show us the past.
I am rambling but that's all to say I have thoughts on the themes used and loved how you used them. It adds a very calming and relatable feeling to the poem. Furthermore, the imagery is so vivid and brimming with a sense of youth in parts where it feels like the cool calm of night in others. As if the reader is up at night thinking back on a happy memory and I can see why they hold them so dear.
Now normally I would hop into feedback but I will be honest I couldn't find anything. So instead I think I will simply wrap things up, and let you get on with your day.
I really enjoyed this the vibe was incredible. I do hope however you can forgive me for my ramble, don't be afraid to ask if It was confusing. As always keep writing and drink water! ( Wishing you all of the luck!)
Thank you so much for the review ^^ Don't worry, I loved all of your rambling. <3
Holy crap this is beautiful. I love the how you capture the feeling of hopeful dread. I like the deep descriptions of the grass and your hand. You should capitalize the I's though
thank you! ^^