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139,253 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
text version:
we are not the same.
Spoiler
look within.
we are not the same.
we join hands in this place &
i cannot find my eyes.
we weep together because
that is all we can do.
you are torn to shreds &
i must hold you together.
the wind blows & you fade
away from my palms
piece by fateful piece.
your ash settles on my lashes as
i watch you dissipate.
we are a disarray of lament.
you will wash away &
i will stay here endlessly.
we are not the same.
Hey friend! I am so grateful I stumbled upon this lovely poem of yours
Let's jump right into the review, shall we?
First of all, I love the simplicity of the aesthetics. The lines are not even in number, but it doesn't present like chaos, which I feel like reflects some of how I felt while reading this, "we are not the same". You touch on some very complicated and personal emotions here, some of which feel familiar to me in some ways. Being with someone, weeping with them, feeling pain with them, but still being the one who cannot fall apart. Toxic strongness, like a glue that wont melt with your tears. But somehow they can fall apart, or turn to ash, which falls from your hands. And you are left feeling guilty for everything you didn't do, still unable to move, stuck in place, endlessly. I liked your choice of words in this poem, especially the use of 'dissipate'.
Some people can hurt and then change. But some change in ways that cannot be seen. And being one of those people can make you feel like you do everything wrong. And it feels like everything is fake because they are different now. So much anger and resentment for someone who was able to change, able to melt away, slip away like raindrops or melted snowflakes.
I loved this. So. Much. <33 Please post more soon!
Your friend,
Ellie
Hey, it's Serrurie, here to leave a review!
This poem shows off an emotion that I'd like to call dull grief. Even though the character in this poem is clearly sad (shown by their weeping & lamenting), there also seems to be a dull anger/ boredom tone underneath (which isn't at all negative, I thought it was pretty good). The poem itself felt surreal, as people usually don't dissipate into the air. To me, this felt more like a memory, kind of like those dreams in movies when the character can't quite reach a loved one until they are taken by the wind and they wake up. I really enjoyed this and really liked the formal but powerful tone of the piece. Overall this was really good. I'll be reading your other poems!
Serrurie
Thanks for sharing! This piece was a very fun read. You paint a vivid picture of loss and conjure a lingering sense of helplessness.
My favorite line of this poem is "your ash settles on my lashes". I think this is a very clear and concise piece of imagery that is sorrowful and beautiful and delicate. This part also made for a great transition from the 'falling apart in their hands' part of the poem that feels like anticipation and dread, to the actual loss part that feels mournful and absolute.
I really enjoyed how you called back to the beginning of the poem by repeating the first line as the last line. This was a really nice touch and a strong way to end. It leaves me wondering what part of them was so different as to cause such different fates.
Overall great job, I really enjoyed reading this!
Keep writing!
Thank you for the review! I'm glad you liked the poem
Hi! I’m here to review this wonderful poem. I love the way it’s all lower case and you use ampersands. I think it’s about two people trying to make friendship/romance work despite their differences but one of the people, the narrator thinks it won’t work out? In the first stanza,
The repetition of this phrase in this stanza, and the in the last stanza too seems to suggest that the narrator is putting emphasis on this because they are trying to convince the other person of it, or maybe even themselves.In the second stanza,
I really want to know what it means that the narrator can’t find their eyes?
And in the third stanza,
I think you mean “hold” here?
Lastly, the final stanza is just sooo beautiful,
It seems to suggest that the person will always leave the narrator, and “stay here endlessly” for me means that the narrator is waiting. It also evokes a sense of loneliness because being endless when no one else is is to be alone. Overall, I think the whole poem explores themes of loneliness and alienation. I can relate to both those emotions and they are so well expressed here. Thank you for posting this poem!!
Thanks for the review! I can't believe I didn't catch that typo. Then again, I wrote this really late at night and posted it right away...
Anyway, the "I cannot find my eyes" line is simply saying that the narrator cannot find a piece of themself. And I thought eyes would be interesting, since you normally need your eyes to find something.