Sometimes you don’t know who you are until you listen to the world around you. And say oh yes that’s me.
The people around you will ask who you are
Your answer will be nothing yet
But yet it seems your losing your bet.
Close your eyes little child your life is all around you
Close your eyes young lad your life is not in that back alley
Your whole. Your breathing. Your who you are. Not because genetics no forget that sciencing boring stuff
You are who you are because you are who you are.
Yeah I know that does not make sense. But it will if you listen close.
Just close your eyes. Open your ears. Listen carefully.
You’re not your sister. You’re not your brother or mother. Nor are your father or your best friend
Your you right now.
But who are you?
What you do today defines you tomorrow. And what you won’t do tomorrow will define you the next day.
But what you plan is what you land. You gotta dig deeper than your daily scoop of nonsense. You got to push past that limestone and trauma. Look for the person that you wish yourself to be. Lose yourself in the discovery of who you are. But don’t lose your grip on what you have.
For if you do. Then you do not have yourself.
Do not chain yourself to the person your family wants you to be. Do keep in mind they wish only the best for you.
Do not cry for what you have tried for. Cry for what you haven’t
Do not die crying. But die trying for a life with an adventure is worth living than one without.
Do not look up at the man next door.
Look up to the man in your shoes. Look to the man to the right of you. And then to the left.
Is this what you want in life?
Don’t stop trying because they did.
stop trying because you made it.
don’t look upset because you aren’t
put on your warpaint
brush yourself off
because this is who you are
you are the warrior in the battle
you are the light in the darkness
you are the leader to the center
you are who you are
because you made yourself who you are.
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140,707 Literary Works • 673,673 Reviews
Why hello there AutumnDawn any relation?
Welcome to YWS! I hope you don't mind if I stop by for a review. As always, feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions if you find them to be unhelpful. Onto the review!
Overall Interpretation & Opinion
My first impression is that this piece of poetry was written from an emotional point, be that from the writer's own heart or out of some form of inspiration; It felt personal and deep. Although it also seemed rushed and unedited which can be both good and bad.
My interpretation was that the poem is expressing a deep need to empower others, or perhaps to empower the narrator themselves, with the realization that we, as people, are not categorized by labels. We aren't who people say we are, we aren't our family members, we are simply and pleasantly ourselves based on our actions and how we make our live through the choices we make. The poem also encourages not to give up and to move forward.
My overall opinion is that your poem is a free-verse or at least not strictly guided by any particular style/scheme and tends to switch throughout. It is well written and flows almost exactly the way a "train of thought" would go but still focuses on the same topic and message. I really enjoyed this way of writing your poem, whether intentional or not, it really made it unique and interesting to read for me (although not everyone will agree, this is my take). The message of course is a fantastic one. Put simply, "Life is what you make it".
Suggestions
The first and most prominent thing I noticed within your poem is the punctuation was used sometimes and sometimes not. Poetry is malleable and can be whatever the writer makes it really, but it is my humble opinion that at the very least, poetry works and flows much better when punctuation is consistent throughout. Unless this was a personal style choice, I feel it would be better to maintain either using punctuation or ditching it altogether. Same thing with capitalizing: while it is malleable, it is much better to maintain consistency.
I'm not going to nitpick every little thing, although there were a few places "your" vs "you're" were confused. A few places commas would have improved flow/were missing, etc.
Conclusion
I enjoyed your poem very much. I especially loved the "train of thought" feel the flow had and the message was certainly a TRUE and important one. I look forward to reading more of your work, and if you felt my review was helpful, feel free to tag me to do more reviews! I hope my review was helpful.
Keep Writing,
-Katja
OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO RIGHT!!!!! AND THANKS I WON'T
Hi there @AutumnDawn I am here to do a review on you work.
okay I will suggest something for this it will by right below over here. there I hop you like that just a little change there.I thought that you were talking about you I am a bit confused with all this, I think you should ad a bit more to this bit if your going to change, it then try to ad a bit more to it of the changing people.
don't you mean,
what bet, now your talking about a bet this is very confusing for me to understand.
okay did you mean to put a fill stop at the end of the upper line there, or did you mean to join the lines to gather.
I think that you say you are a bit to much, you said it four times here.
description
I think that this needs a bit more to it with the description. here because things need a bit of change here. tell me if you change it pleas. So that is all that I can say about this poem, keep up the good work.
@EagleFly out to seek and kill
thank you suggesting these edits there are some reasons that leave stuff like this