I wake up in the morning then I go back to bed
My room is a mess and so is my hair
My clothes are scattered on the floor
My mirror is unseeable
My socks are mismatched
My hairbrush is lost in the junk on my table
My ponytail snaps in my hair
My bold type mascara is out
My eyeshadows is smeared
Oh I am a teenage girl
My jeans are faded out of glory
My t-shirt is clean
There is a smear of something on the side
My shoelaces are refusing to stay tied
My backpack seems heavy
My stomach is empty
My eyes are dying to close
Oh I am a teenage girl
My best friend is sitting next to someone
Oh doesn’t she know
Oh doesn’t she know
All the heartbreak she shall feel
My sister sitting there too
Rather not she gathers the signs
Is unknowing
Oh I am a teenage girl
My work is a duel against my ideas
My partner is a same old kind of a guy
The teacher knows I can do better
The teacher knows had not tried
Oh I am a teenage girl
My lips are trembling
My eyes are whining
My friend is gossiping
My best friend is something else
I made a promise to something I don’t understand
Oh I am a teenage girl
I thought I was better than my own best friend
We fought with words they seem to unbought
Her mother’s says don’t you baby
The drama is flying
Her mama ain’t liking
Her mother tells Her I am nothing
Her mother tells her I am a user of her own will
Oh I am a teenage girl
No matter how many times I said I was sorry
She didn’t go to store it away
Oh but I am sorry
Oh but lady
I am a teenage girl
In the modern world
I gossip
I spread rumors
I am in the highest of education
Oh I am a teenage girl
This not whom I want to be
Just why can’t you just see me
You hold a grudge
Like I am the murder of your feelings
You tell her to tell me I ain’t nothing special
Oh I am a teenage girl in the modern world
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,832 Reviews
Hello!!!!!!!! Be here!!I am gonna try reviewing this wonderful piece...
Honestly, I can relate to this so freaking much, It was great.
I just want to say that there wasnt much wrong with this poem, other than the fact that
There is an 'is' behind the word shadows in....
"My bold type mascara is out
My eyeshadows is smeared
Oh I am a teenage girl"
But i loved this, and i didnt look very deep into the poem, only at the general things...
My favorite part is.....
"Her mother’s says don’t you baby
The drama is flying
Her mama ain’t liking
Her mother tells Her I am nothing
Her mother tells her I am a user of her own will
Oh I am a teenage girl
No matter how many times I said I was sorry
She didn’t go to store it away
Oh but I am sorry
Oh but lady
I am a teenage girl
In the modern world
I gossip
I spread rumors"
Because I can be the exact same way, and I bet that nearly all (Teenagers) of them are like this....
But this was a really great poem....
~Bea
thanks. i am glad you can relate. you know still haven't replaced my bold mascara. its 7.25. and much as i love it. i need to limit myself.
This poem is so relatable to so many teenage girls, I know this as it relates to me so much. I mostly relate to the bit where it says "My hairbrush is lost in the junk on my table", to be honest I cant find much on my table.
"My room is a mess and so is my hair" it's mostly my hair that is a mess as my mum makes me clean my room like once a week.
I love how you incorporated so many teenage girl problems into one poem.
If you need any advice just ask.
my room should be clean. but I am always all over the place. and so is my room. oh my god.... still haven't find my FREAKING BRUSH. I am using my younger sisters. she keeps telling me not to. but I don't have a brush on hand. so yeah....
Hello AutumnDawn, Katja here for another review.
As always, feel free to disregard any or all comments or suggestions I make should you find them to be unhelpful. Onto the review!
Initial Impression/ Overall Opinion
Upon first reading, the beginning really gave me the impression this poem was nothing more than a cliche look at a "common" type of teenage girl. Make up, messy room, etc. These things all made me immediately picture a cliche teenage girl, and I thought for sure the poem would take this premise. However, further into the poem you begin to realize it is a much deeper story about a teenage girl who is apparently in a tough spot due to following along with the "modern world-teen girl" persona, where she has seemingly bullied, via the spreading of rumors, her best friend. The best friend's mother is completely against the narrator now, encouraging her daughter to avoid the narrator. It was a lot more intricate than I originally expected, which made this poem a lot more interesting to read.
This poem, like the last felt personal and deep, as though the narrator/writer personally is going through or went through this, or it was inspired somehow. Based on the category of "teen fiction" I will assume this is not a true story, and if this is the case, I am pleasantly surprised at your ability to write deeply emotional poetry/stories like this. Whether inspired or not, the depth of the story/poem is amazing.
For me, I felt conflicted. On one end, I feel for the narrator because she seems somewhat remorseful for her actions, but to simply blame the "modern world" for her own actions is a cop out and shows that the narrator lacks the ability to take responsibility for her actions; instead choosing to blame the idea of what a "teenage girl" is "in the modern world". This can be a dangerous way of thinking and shows that the narrator may not be in a good place mentally.
Overall, I really did enjoy this poem/story. It turned out to be much more intricate than I initially expected and that was a pleasant surprise for me. There are a few mistakes or confusing lines, but overall, you did a great job.
Comments & Suggestions
I will go in order; Anything I suggest changes to or want to point out I will make red and my suggestions will follow after the quote, to clarify.
The first line, "out" would sound better as "empty" & if you make eyeshadow plural, "eyeshadows", then "is" needs to be "are". But, because I assume you mean the eyeshadow the narrator is/was wearing is smeared on her eyes, it would only make sense to use the singular form.
For example:
In the first line, "shall" seems much more formal than the rest of the way the poem is written. There is nothing incorrect about it, but it threw off the flow for me as it did not match with the tone up to this point and the rest of the way through.
In the second, "is" is needed between sister and sitting.
In the third & fourth, I simply don't understand what these lines are attempting to convey, and would recommend clarifying that up.
Here, I would suggest changing and adding to the red part. "knows I have not been trying" is what I would suggest, but overall it simply is incorrect as is.
I'm not sure this word choice makes sense. Inner "whining" maybe, but I'm not sure this is a word well combined with it's usage here.
Here, I don't think it is clear what is trying to be portrayed. The words between them "seem to unbought" doesn't make sense. And the second is again, unclear what the best friend's mother is trying to tell her. For example, is she trying to express to her daughter, "Don't fight" "Don't get involved" Or? It is unclear.
"isn't" or "is not" and after liking, perhaps adding "it" would make this line more clear.
First line, "murderer" is proper here, and second line, "is" is correct. If you used "isn't" it would turn into a double negative, which is technically is right now as well, but isn't is correct and sounds much better than "ain't". But here, "is" would be proper.
Conclusion
I liked it a lot. Like I said previously, I was not expecting the depth and story in your poem after the first few lines. I enjoyed how this way of writing caught me in my own assumption and completely turned around on me. I was pleasantly surprised to say the least.
There were areas that were incorrect or needed clarification, but it didn't take away too much from the overall meaning of your poem. While I disagree with the notion that teen girls should gossip or spread rumors because of what is normalized as "teen girls in modern days", I do like that you showed through this poem that is really is almost impossible to miss anymore. It has become more normal to gossip and be rude and overall unkind instead of actually be loyal friends and spread love.
I look forward to reading more of your work!
Keep writing,
-Katja
thanks for another review