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Oh I Am A Teenage Girl

by AutumnDawn


I wake up in the morning then I go back to bed

My room is a mess and so is my hair

My clothes are scattered on the floor

My mirror is unseeable

My socks are mismatched

My hairbrush is lost in the junk on my table

My ponytail snaps in my hair

My bold type mascara is out

My eyeshadows is smeared

Oh I am a teenage girl

My jeans are faded out of glory

My t-shirt is clean

There is a smear of something on the side

My shoelaces are refusing to stay tied

My backpack seems heavy

My stomach is empty

My eyes are dying to close

Oh I am a teenage girl

My best friend is sitting next to someone

Oh doesn’t she know

Oh doesn’t she know

All the heartbreak she shall feel

My sister sitting there too

Rather not she gathers the signs

Is unknowing

Oh I am a teenage girl

My work is a duel against my ideas

My partner is a same old kind of a guy

The teacher knows I can do better

The teacher knows had not tried

Oh I am a teenage girl

My lips are trembling

My eyes are whining

My friend is gossiping

My best friend is something else

I made a promise to something I don’t understand

Oh I am a teenage girl

I thought I was better than my own best friend

We fought with words they seem to unbought

Her mother’s says don’t you baby

The drama is flying

Her mama ain’t liking

Her mother tells Her I am nothing

Her mother tells her I am a user of her own will

Oh I am a teenage girl

No matter how many times I said I was sorry

She didn’t go to store it away

Oh but I am sorry

Oh but lady

I am a teenage girl

In the modern world

I gossip

I spread rumors

I am in the highest of education

Oh I am a teenage girl

This not whom I want to be

Just why can’t you just see me

You hold a grudge

Like I am the murder of your feelings

You tell her to tell me I ain’t nothing special

Oh I am a teenage girl in the modern world  


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113 Reviews


Points: 181
Reviews: 113

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Fri Oct 05, 2018 4:48 pm
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Bellarke wrote a review...



Hello!!!!!!!! Be here!!I am gonna try reviewing this wonderful piece...

Honestly, I can relate to this so freaking much, It was great.

I just want to say that there wasnt much wrong with this poem, other than the fact that
There is an 'is' behind the word shadows in....

"My bold type mascara is out

My eyeshadows is smeared

Oh I am a teenage girl"

But i loved this, and i didnt look very deep into the poem, only at the general things...

My favorite part is.....

"Her mother’s says don’t you baby

The drama is flying

Her mama ain’t liking

Her mother tells Her I am nothing

Her mother tells her I am a user of her own will

Oh I am a teenage girl

No matter how many times I said I was sorry

She didn’t go to store it away

Oh but I am sorry

Oh but lady

I am a teenage girl

In the modern world

I gossip

I spread rumors"

Because I can be the exact same way, and I bet that nearly all (Teenagers) of them are like this....

But this was a really great poem....

~Bea




AutumnDawn says...


thanks. i am glad you can relate. you know still haven't replaced my bold mascara. its 7.25. and much as i love it. i need to limit myself.



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Thu Oct 04, 2018 6:07 pm
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carlak2003 wrote a review...



This poem is so relatable to so many teenage girls, I know this as it relates to me so much. I mostly relate to the bit where it says "My hairbrush is lost in the junk on my table", to be honest I cant find much on my table.
"My room is a mess and so is my hair" it's mostly my hair that is a mess as my mum makes me clean my room like once a week.
I love how you incorporated so many teenage girl problems into one poem.
If you need any advice just ask.




AutumnDawn says...


my room should be clean. but I am always all over the place. and so is my room. oh my god.... still haven't find my FREAKING BRUSH. I am using my younger sisters. she keeps telling me not to. but I don't have a brush on hand. so yeah....



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Reviews: 150

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Thu Oct 04, 2018 4:55 pm
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KatjaDawn wrote a review...



Hello AutumnDawn, Katja here for another review.

As always, feel free to disregard any or all comments or suggestions I make should you find them to be unhelpful. Onto the review!

Initial Impression/ Overall Opinion

Upon first reading, the beginning really gave me the impression this poem was nothing more than a cliche look at a "common" type of teenage girl. Make up, messy room, etc. These things all made me immediately picture a cliche teenage girl, and I thought for sure the poem would take this premise. However, further into the poem you begin to realize it is a much deeper story about a teenage girl who is apparently in a tough spot due to following along with the "modern world-teen girl" persona, where she has seemingly bullied, via the spreading of rumors, her best friend. The best friend's mother is completely against the narrator now, encouraging her daughter to avoid the narrator. It was a lot more intricate than I originally expected, which made this poem a lot more interesting to read.

This poem, like the last felt personal and deep, as though the narrator/writer personally is going through or went through this, or it was inspired somehow. Based on the category of "teen fiction" I will assume this is not a true story, and if this is the case, I am pleasantly surprised at your ability to write deeply emotional poetry/stories like this. Whether inspired or not, the depth of the story/poem is amazing.

For me, I felt conflicted. On one end, I feel for the narrator because she seems somewhat remorseful for her actions, but to simply blame the "modern world" for her own actions is a cop out and shows that the narrator lacks the ability to take responsibility for her actions; instead choosing to blame the idea of what a "teenage girl" is "in the modern world". This can be a dangerous way of thinking and shows that the narrator may not be in a good place mentally.

Overall, I really did enjoy this poem/story. It turned out to be much more intricate than I initially expected and that was a pleasant surprise for me. There are a few mistakes or confusing lines, but overall, you did a great job. :)

Comments & Suggestions

I will go in order; Anything I suggest changes to or want to point out I will make red and my suggestions will follow after the quote, to clarify.

My bold type mascara is out

My eyeshadows is smeared


The first line, "out" would sound better as "empty" & if you make eyeshadow plural, "eyeshadows", then "is" needs to be "are". But, because I assume you mean the eyeshadow the narrator is/was wearing is smeared on her eyes, it would only make sense to use the singular form.

For example:
My bold type mascara is out empty

My eyeshadows is smeared


All the heartbreak she shall feel

My sister sitting there too

Rather not she gathers the signs

Is unknowing


In the first line, "shall" seems much more formal than the rest of the way the poem is written. There is nothing incorrect about it, but it threw off the flow for me as it did not match with the tone up to this point and the rest of the way through.

In the second, "is" is needed between sister and sitting.
My sister is sitting there too


In the third & fourth, I simply don't understand what these lines are attempting to convey, and would recommend clarifying that up.

The teacher knows had not tried


Here, I would suggest changing and adding to the red part. "knows I have not been trying" is what I would suggest, but overall it simply is incorrect as is.

My eyes are whining


I'm not sure this word choice makes sense. Inner "whining" maybe, but I'm not sure this is a word well combined with it's usage here.

We fought with words they seem to unbought

Her mother’s says don’t you baby


Here, I don't think it is clear what is trying to be portrayed. The words between them "seem to unbought" doesn't make sense. And the second is again, unclear what the best friend's mother is trying to tell her. For example, is she trying to express to her daughter, "Don't fight" "Don't get involved" Or? It is unclear.

Her mama ain’t [/red] liking

"isn't" or "is not" and after liking, perhaps adding "it" would make this line more clear.

Like I am the [color=red] murder of your feelings

You tell her to tell me I [color] ain’t [/color] nothing special


First line, "murderer" is proper here, and second line, "is" is correct. If you used "isn't" it would turn into a double negative, which is technically is right now as well, but isn't is correct and sounds much better than "ain't". But here, "is" would be proper.


Conclusion

I liked it a lot. Like I said previously, I was not expecting the depth and story in your poem after the first few lines. I enjoyed how this way of writing caught me in my own assumption and completely turned around on me. I was pleasantly surprised to say the least.

There were areas that were incorrect or needed clarification, but it didn't take away too much from the overall meaning of your poem. While I disagree with the notion that teen girls should gossip or spread rumors because of what is normalized as "teen girls in modern days", I do like that you showed through this poem that is really is almost impossible to miss anymore. It has become more normal to gossip and be rude and overall unkind instead of actually be loyal friends and spread love.

I look forward to reading more of your work! :)

Keep writing,

-Katja




AutumnDawn says...


thanks for another review




Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.
— Enid Bagnold