Published January 8, 2012
They say his eyes are as blue as day
Glistening in such a joyful way.
They bring a slight wonder to his homely face
His eyes, as blue as day-
But I've seen this boy, I've frowned upon
How he shouts at us that we are wrong.
And his soul is silent
And his heart is numb.
I've seen this boy, I've talked to him
His words so angry and so grim!
He insults our brothers-
He hates our friends!
I've seen this boy, and if you haven't than you
Better hope you never do.
Just don't go saying his eyes are blue
With a cheery sparkle in them, too.
Because I've seen this boy in his darkest states
And let me stand up here and say
His eyes are not blue!
Not in any shade!
I've seen him.
His eyes are gray.
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141,453 Literary Works • 674,465 Reviews
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Hahaha... I actually have blue/gray eyes! They're pretty neat. I hope I'm not like this guy though! He seems like a jerk.
Anyway! I really like this direction, because you take such a simple idea and run wild with it. His eyes start changing like a tempest and it also makes him other-worldly... if that even makes sense. I mean, he doesn't even really seem human, just because of the way you described him. He seems less like a man and more like a thunderstorm. And I think that's completely awesome... after all, it evokes a bunch of really interesting imagery. So, I like!
One thing that I would really like to see is more description as to how he is... not just with his eyes and what he does, but how he does it. It would be really neat to see him transform some more.
Also... er... this stanza (where you address the audience) seems a little bit weird:
I think you're a lot more powerful when you're ranting about the eyes and not addressing us.
Anyway! There's some nice stuff here!