Stella Magenta Book 1 3.1

A/N: Yesterday, Rennedon Repairs, the business where Skylar and her father worked, was closed to the public after a member of the Militia deemed it a health hazard. Skylar and her father, left without a means of income, are forced to find other jobs while they think of a plan to reopen their business.

Skylar awoke to the sound of knuckles rapping against her door. "Sky, it's time to wake up." Her father's voice, slightly muffled by the door, was gentle but insistent. "We have a long day ahead of us."

Yawning, Skylar pushed herself into a sitting position as she struggled to remember what was so important about today. She couldn't think of any pressing projects that they were working on.

With a pang, she remembered everything that had happened yesterday—the Militia members scouring their shop for any hint of illegal activities, declaring that their shop was now closed to the public, listening to her father theorize about who might be behind the shutdown of their shop. The tidal wave of emotions washed over her again, and for a moment she was just as helpless and vulnerable as she had been when the Militia had invaded their shop.

The thought of spending her entire day on difficult physical labor only made her more reluctant to get up. She wanted nothing more than to erase the past day from all their memories and to return to work at Rennedon Repairs as usual. The thought that she may never be able to work at Rennedon Repairs again brought up a whole new slew of emotions.

"Skylar." Her father's voice was more adamant now. "We have to get going."

"Okay, Dad." Skylar reluctantly stood up and walked over to her dresser, rifling through her drawers until she found a pair of cargo pants and a lightweight green shirt. She dressed quickly and efficiently, moving with a perfected rhythm. Once she had finished dressing, she combed her hair and twisted it into a bun with a fluidity acquired by years of practice.

The second she opened her door and stepped into the hallway, a blur of messy hair and pajamas assaulted her, charging into her and almost knocking her backwards. Skylar staggered sideways as she regained her balance and looked down to see Danny, her younger brother, clinging to her leg.

"Skylar! You're awake! Can we play trucks?" He looked up at her, his blue eyes alert with youthful energy.

"I wish I could play with you, buddy, but I have to help Daddy out today. Once I get home, we'll play something, I promise." Skylar lovingly ran her fingers through Danny's messy hair, smoothing it into something presentable.

Danny's disappointment was short-lived, as usual. "Mom's made bacon and toast!"

"Race you downstairs!" Skylar shouted, sprinting towards the stairs. She let Danny shove past her and then charged down the stairs, red-faced as she landed on the bottom a split second after Danny.

"I beat you!" Danny gloated.

Skylar couldn't help but laugh. "We'll have to rematch tomorrow." She mussed Danny's hair, undoing all of her efforts to smooth it down. She turned to her mother. "I hear there's bacon?"

"In a few minutes." Mrs. Rennedon managed a small smile as she turned to face Skylar from her position at the stove. "I figured I'd send you and your father off with a proper breakfast. You'll need your energy today."

The smiles melted from both their faces as they both remembered the less than ideal day before them. "It smells delicious," Skylar said after an uncomfortable pause. She turned her attention to Danny. "Maybe I can play trucks with you for a little bit." She followed him into the living room, laughing at his yelp of excitement.

***

Skylar polished off the last bits of egg from her plate, stuffing another strip of bacon into her mouth.Breakfast today had been extravagant, with breakfast meat, buttered toast, eggs cooked to order, and milk. Skylar hadn't had such a luxurious breakfast for months. She patted her stomach and slid her chair backwards. "Thanks, Mom." She stood up and gave her mother a peck on the cheek. "Love you."

"Have a good day, Sky." Mrs. Rennedon wrapped Skylar in a hug. When she pulled away, Skylar saw that her eyes were moist. "Be safe. Work hard. We'll figure out soemthing, okay? I promise."

Skylar forced herself to smile. "I will, Mom. Don't worry about me." She laced up her boots and grabbed her jacket on her way out the door. "I'll be home before supper! See you later, Danny!"

Danny again launched into one of his famous tackle-hugs. "Bye-bye, Sky-sky!" He giggled at his own joke, and Skylar grinned at him.

'I'll see you later." She patted him on the head. "Be good today, okay?"

He nodded enthusiastically. "I will, Skylar. Promise."

Skylar pulled the door shut behind her as she stepped out into the chilly October morning. Winter was fast approaching, and the temperatures were gradually plummeting, inching closer and closer to the freezing weather that characterized Ayedian winters. It was even colder than it had been yesterday, and the bitter wind chilled her through her jacket and cargo pants.

Skylar's thoughts turned to where she would find work. With her array of skils, especially in the mechanical field, she hoped to be able to find another repair shop, although her pride would not allow her to work for one of her father's rivals. She decided she would walk the streets for a while and see if she saw any signs adveritsing job openings.

Skylar turned right at the end of Maple Street and started onto Ridge Road, climbing a little bit of an incline. The scenery changed from rows of identical houses to crowded businesses crowded together. She passed three bakeries, two restaurants, a shoe store, a clothing store, and two grocery stores, none of them with "Help Wanted" signs in the window.

She prowled the nearby streets for almost an hour until her eyes were watering from the cold and her nose felt like it had fallen off. She decided she had to stop somewhere before she completely froze, and the first place she saw was a bakery she had visited before.

She stepped inside and immediately felt the gust of warm air blast her from all sides. She pulled her hands out of her pockets and began massaging them in an effort to return feeling to her extremities. Her nose started to tingle as feeling returned to it, and she sighed with relief.

"Can I help you?" The blond-haired girl working the counter asked her, tossing her braid over her shoulder.

"Yes, I was wondering if you knew of any local businesses that were currently hiring. I'm in need of work." Skylar made her way to the counter, glancing at the shelves of fresh-baked treats. Her mouth watered, but she was still full from her breakfast.

"There's a junkyard on Willow Street that just opened. I imagine they'll have some vacancies there. Best of luck!"

"Thanks." Skylar shot her a kind smile and then shoved her hands into her pockets, pausing at the door before venturing outside into the cool temperatures.

She made her way through the streets, which were gradually filling up with people running their morning errands. She shoved her way through the crowd, pushing her hands as deep into her pockets as she could. Her nose was completely numb once again, and the icy wind bit her cheeks.

Once she reached Willow Street, the brand-new junkyard was the first thing she saw. It dominated a large part of the left side of the road and contrasted sharply with the other businesses on Willow Street. Skylar passed a few insurance agencies and other white-collar jobs common in Ayedia.

Sure enough, a sign in the front yard read "Help Wanted: Apply Within" in big, bold, sloppy letters. Skylar hastened to the door and yanked it open, wiping her feet on the doormat as she stepped inside.

"I heard you're hiring. I'm here to apply," she announced, forcing confidence into her voice.

The teenager working the counter looked up, his green eyes registering shock. "You're a girl," he observed, tossing a notebook and pencil into an open drawer before folding his hands on the counter.

"Good observation skills," Skylar said dryly. "You got a problem with that?"

The boy shrugged. "'Long as you can do all the heavy lifting, I don't care."

"I'll hold my own," Skylar assured him. "Need me to fill out a form or something?"

"No need. I'll just do the interview right now. Have you been convicted of any crimes?"

"No."

"You an alcoholic or addict?"

"No."

"You at least 16?"

"Yes." The lie made Skylar's heartbeat speed up, but she kept her face completely emotionless. Nobody would know, she reassured herself. They had no way of knowing.

The boy scrutinized her face. "If you say so," he said skeptically. "Can you lift up to 70 pounds?"

"Yes."

"You willing to work 60 hour weeks?"

"Yes." Skylar did some quick math. That meant she would either work twelve hour workdays five days a week or ten hour workdays six days a week.

"When can you start?"

"Today."

"Then you're hired. Step in the back, and do whatever they tell you to. Got it?"

"Yep." Skylar stepped behind the counter and walked towards the door, hesitating for a minute. "What do you pay?"

A smile tugged at the corners of the boy's face. "We'll pay you enough. Just do your work and we'll figure out an appropraite price later."

"No." Skylar stood her ground. "I'm expecting at least 5 silvers an hour."

The boy snorted. "Try 2."

"Maybe 4."

"Three."

"4 and not a copper less," Skylar insisted. Her heart pounded. She felt certain that she would be dismissed right then and there, since certainly they could find someone else willing to work for 3 silvers an hour, or less. Even so, she knew that she could not settle for anything less than 4 if she wanted to earn enough money to support her family.

The boy sighed. "Fine. We'll start with 4, but you better prove to me that you're worth it, or you'll be fired," he threatened.

"You got yourself a deal." Skylar stepped into the back room, satisfied with her negotiations for now, and was immediately bombarded with the smell of rust, diesel oil, and a hodgepodge of other equally fouls scents.

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
IcyFlame
Review

Hi there,

I really enjoyed this - I think you paced it really well and the balance between speech, action, description etc. was pretty spot on.

The tidal wave of emotions washed over her again, and for a moment she was just as helpless and vulnerable as she had been when the Militia had invaded their shop.


I'm a particular fan of the line above; I just think it works really well.

She dressed quickly and efficiently, moving with a perfected rhythm. Once she had finished dressing, she combed her hair and twisted it into a bun with a fluidity acquired by years of practice.


The section I highlighted in bold seems off to me but I can't work out why. Maybe it would work better like this:

She dressed quickly and efficiently, and, once finished, she combed her hair and twisted it into a bun with a fluidity acquired by years of practice.


I think that's a personal preference thing but maybe worth a thought?

"Be safe. Work hard. We'll figure out soemthing something , okay? I promise."


"There's a junkyard on Willow Street that just opened. I imagine they'll have some vacancies there. Best of luck!"


This felt a bit disjointed to me.

I'm intrigued by the world you seem to be developing here and look forward to learn more about it. I completely get not wanting to throw a load of information at people and I think the amount we know works well for now. If it turns out that we need more to understand the story, that's what editing is for!

Hope this was a little helpful.

Icy.

Thanks for the review Icy! I'm glad you enjoyed the balance and I'll definitely keep your critiques in mind while I edit. Thanks again!

User avatar
Zoom
Review
Zoom wrote a review · Mon Jul 23, 2018 5:11 pm

Hey,

Not bad at all. The dialog and pace worked well in this piece.

I’m a little confused though because at the beginning, Sky’s Dad said they have a long day ahead of them, but then Sky goes off on her own to find work?

Winter was fast approaching, and the temperatures were gradually plummeting, inching closer and closer to the freezing weather that characterized Ayedian winters.


Gradually = slow, plummeting = fast. Although I get what you mean, this is a contradiction you need to fix.

Secondly, freezing weather is what characterises winter in general. What makes Ayedian winters different? This was a missed opportunity to world build.

Actually, that’s still my main complaint. The world building is still weak/nonexistent. I’m further confused by this piece. As I said before, if you don’t world build, anything you do mention about your world really sticks out and has more value to the reader than it normally would. For example, in 3.1 you’ve said that this town has four bakeries and an insurance company. That tells me the people are thriving, not being held back by a militia. The militia seemed to be a law unto themselves, if they can close a buisness at the drop of the hat with no real justification. An insurance company would probably be the first buisness to go in an environment like this. Also I took note of the scrapyard boy’s sexist comment about Sky, this again raises more questions about the worlds history etc.

The writing itself is pretty clean though! There weren’t any major issues I needed to point out.

-Zoom

Thanks for the review Zoom! I feel confident in my world, but I was hesitant in delivering a lot of the details for fear of info-dumping. I will make sure I add some more details about the world into this and keep playing with it until I find the right balance :) Thanks so much for your review!



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