“Where are you going?” Owen called after him.
“Back to the village. You don’t need me anyway,” came the response.
Owen jogged after him. “Wait, Francis. You know the rules. You have to stay on guard during your position. If you go back, you’ll be tried for abandoning your post, and that would be a mess to get you out of. Be reasonable.”
“You’re telling me to be reasonable? This is so crazy, so out of control, they won’t even notice I’ve slipped in. I could get away with it, assuming you don’t run your mouth," Francis snapped.
“I wouldn’t have to run my mouth, Francis. They still have people there who know you volunteered for Gate Post 3 duty. You can’t possibly expect to sneak away from everyone, especially since your house is in the center of town square.”
Francis sighed and turned back to him, taking his torch back from Owen’s outstretched hand. “You’re right, as always. I’m sorry. It’s just that I’m so stressed lately, and this… situation doesn’t help at all.” He gesticulated wildly to try and explain, but Owen didn’t need any help from his motions.
“It’s not a problem, Francis. I completely understand. Let’s go back to our post, and maybe answers will come soon.”
“I wouldn’t count on it,” Francis warned. “THese messengers usually dilly-dally, and this one’s no exception. Remember that time he was a day late?”
“He had a valid excuse,” Owen defended the messenger. Although he didn't like Gareth much at all, he hated even more how Francis attacked people when they weren't around. It wasn't honorable, and it felt wrong. As a lawyer, Francis should know that everyone deserved a chance to defend themselves.
“You believe the rubbish about the bandit attacks and how he felt obligated to stay in the city? Honestly, Owen? I took you to be smarter than that.”
Owen felt the blood rush to his cheeks. “He seemed like an honorable guy,” he muttered. “I thought maybe there was some truth to his story.”
Francis scoffed. “There was. There probably were bandit attacks, but that was his excuse to stay at one of the towns. Maybe he met somebody there, or found a good bar. He doesn’t seem to be eager to travel, and when people have an ulterior motive, they arrange everything around that agenda.”
“Nevertheless, I think that he would make an exception for something of this importance.”
“We will see soon enough.” Francis strode away, and Owen hurried to catch up, but didn’t press the conversation. He knew Francis was sore about surrendering his argument, and didn’t want to escalate the situation. Francis didn't like to surrender easily, and Owen had just forced him to succumb. Owen didn't usually try to beat Francis in arguments, but he knew that Francis would thank him later when he didn't spend the night in one of the musty jails.
The two waited at the edge of the gates silently, and just as Owen was about to break the silence with light conversation, introduce a bit of gentle banter to lighten the mood, there was a pattering sound. Owen abruptly closed his mouth and pressed his ear to the gate. Sure enough, a horse was galloping towards them, the unmistakable echo bouncing off the mountains.
“He’s coming!” Francis hissed at Owen.
Owen just nodded and continued to listen, just to make sure they weren’t imagining anything. The figure was in sight now, a tall but skinny man on a majestic racehorse bounding towards them.
“Open the gates! He’s here! He’s here!” Owen shouted, running to the town square where the mayor was discussing the matter in low tones with the others.
The mayor turned in surprise, then waved whoever had been discussing with him away so he could jog over to the gates. Owen led him to the entrance, Francis by his side, where two men were heaving on the iron gates.
The gates finally slid open wide enough for a horse to fit through, and the rider dismounted his horse and stepped over to the king. “A pleasure, sir,” he said, his voice tainted with a gritty Southern accent.
“Of course. What’s the news?” The mayor stepped back and surveyed the messenger’s face. He was muddy, and his face was flustered and sweaty as usual. Somehow, he was still attractive, with bright white teeth and curly brown hair that he kept swept out of his eyes and a stubbly beard.
“I’m only gonna say it once, so wouldn’t it be better if I said it in front of all the people?” the messenger drawled.
The mayor’s smile faded. “You’ll say it however many damn times I need you to say it, Garreth,” he hissed.
The messenger, Gareth, shrugged, unfased. “You can’t make me. Just bring me in front o’ the town. You’ll hear soon enough.”
The mayor scowled, but wisely did not continue the fight. Gareth was technically correct— as a messenger, he was employed by the palaces, and therefore did not submit to the authority of a mayor.
“Fine. Let me gather them, and then you have the floor.” He stepped onto a parapet and waved his hands for silence. The crowd immediately fell quiet, which was unusual, but given the severity of the situation, they all wanted answers more than speculation.
“Gareth has arrived with the official news from the palace about what will be done and what has happened. I will let him take the floor. Gareth?”
End of chapter
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137,425 Literary Works • 672,010 Reviews
WOOOOOOOOOW!!
Yeah, honey! This is great and I just wish I could read the preceding chapters and the (1/3) prologue. Anyway, I'll try my best to review your prologue.
First of all, I like the fact that this story is, you know, kinda medieval and all because these type of stories fascinate and interest me in a way I cannot explain.
You also have a lot of suspense incorporated and I like that very much because it makes the readers curious and keep wanting to go on.
For example, these are some of the questions badgering me after I read the piece:
Is Francis gonna go back to the village? Or will he heed Owen's warning and stay? Moreover, what news has Gareth brought along? Why did he want to speak to everyone? Is it something terrible? Is he a kind of a double agent or something judging from his recent behavior, being late and all those excuses he has been giving?
I want commend you for this extraordinary piece and maybe you can have this questions as your guidelines when writing the story.
And also, please tell me the titles of your chapters that preceded this piece so that I can read them and follow your story.
One final thing...why is the story or the prologue titled "Sniper"?
Thank you and good luck with the story.
#bloody
Hi bloody! I'm glad that you enjoyed this piece, and I'm glad the suspense worked. I will most likely publish the third part of this prologue late tonight or tomorrow morning, so you can read that. This is the first chapter of this story, and you'll see why the story is titled 'Sniper' in later chapters
! Thanks again!
Hey there! I thought I'd drop by for a quick review today.
This honestly feels more like a first chapter than a prologue. You do a good job of establishing character - that's definitely the high point of this chapter, especially the way you show Gareth's character through his abrasiveness. I also think the fact that both Francis and Owen are a bit snippy with each other here is a good thing, because it shows how much stress they're under.
My biggest critique is that you're taking too long to get to this dramatic news. Especially since this is only a prologue and we aren't even to the main story yet. As much as it's good to establish the characters (and you do a pretty good job of that) we only have the main character's word that these events are even actually important, and by this point the suspense was starting to stretch thin. I'd suggest cutting down the argument between Francis and Owen and hint more clearly at what exactly has been so disastrous these last couple months. (You're really vague about that, and a few more specific details will really help to capture the reader's attentions.
Also, Francis's character seems a bit inconsistent in this part compared to the last part - he seemed fairly nice then, but now he seems a lot more thoughtless/careless/easy to set off. And having Owen explain things like "he didn't like to surrender" just made it feel a bit forced. It would be better if you could just show that Francis doesn't like to lose an argument through his actions or tone of voice. Reading back, I think that advice was really unclear, but basically something feels off to me about Francis's character in comparison to last chapter and I'm not sure what.
Anyway, I think that's about all I have to say! This is a pretty good first couple of chapters - good luck with the rest of the story, and keep writing!
Thanks for the review Mea! I agree with you on most of your points, especially Francis' inconsistent character. I decided to revise Francis a little to give him a more distinct personality. Thanks again for stopping by, and good luck on RevMo!
Hello there and happy RevMo (even if I am a bit late to the reviewing party)! I, a bold Knight of the Green Room, am here today to review you.
I haven't read the previous part, but if you'd like me to review it too, feel free to drop a request in my WRFF thread and I'll be more than happy to do so!
There's a king where? So far, you've only mentioned a mayor, and afterwards, there is only a mayor mentioned, so I'm guessing this is a typo.
Speaking of typos, shortly after this sentence, the mayor says Gareth's name with an extra R.
So, this section here is interesting because it implies that there is no crowd, and yet there is immediately a crowd as soon as the mayor steps onto the parapet without any signs of him actually doing things to gather one. So is there a crowd in the town square already? Because right now, the details are so vague, it could go either way.
If there is a crowd already present in the square, then you need to mention it a bit sooner. A good spot would be when you also note the mayor discussing matters in low tones. At the moment, and considering the ambiguous time of day this is currently taking place in, I got the impression that the town square was not that crowded, and that there were only a few people of importance waiting there to coordinate things, rather than there being a crowd of most of the town waiting for news.
So mentioning that the mayor is keeping himself apart from the crowd milling around, or how Owen and Francis have to make their way through the anxious townspeople to get close enough to the mayor to relay the messenger's arrival, would go a long way into establishing a more consistent setting for the gravity of the situation and the announcement.
I agree, I did make some careless errors there, and I will be sure to make sure that's clear. This is only my first draft, so I'll probably hit you up with a request for both the rest of the prologue and the revised second draft (if I decide to publish that). Thanks again, and good luck on RevMo!
I thought that there was some good dialogue that occurred in the text. I wasn't sure where the story was going to go when I first started reading the piece, but as I continued reading, I found myself quite enjoying it. I'm wondering what is going on with Francis, and it is acting as a draw for me. I'm very excited to see where this story is going to go and what is going to happen. I hope that there is a lot of action.
Thank you for your review! I'm glad you liked it, and the action will stall a little in the beginning, but it will pick up later in the story. Have a nice day!