Prologue:
Owen P.O.V
Owen stood by the gate, a torch in one hand as he looked out into the night. Francis Keylass waited by him, not daring to break the silence. Not yet, anyways. Owen suspected that Francis, like many of the town’s other inhabitants, were in shock. Understandably so, of course. This news had been shocking, even to him. And Owen liked to consider himself hard to rattle.
It had been so unexpected, too. The nation had just started to feel secure, at the beginning of an era of progress and safety, happiness and prosperity. It was hard to imagine how all that had been shattered with one rumor.
It was travelling past rumor now, moving dangerously close to fact. It had come in the form of gossip at first, dismissed as some misunderstanding or miscommunication, but as more and more people verified that their friends had heard from their friends that it was true, many now believed that it was actually the truth.
He didn’t let himself get too upset. After all, the story was still unfolding. There was hope, a fragment of it, a chance for restoration. Maybe the messenger was bringing some good news. Of course, it was also possible that the messenger was bringing news that would only worsen the situation. He focused on that hope instead, but inside, a voice of reason told him that he was wrong, that he was being overly optimistic.
Owen turned to Francis. “It’s amazing how fast the world can flip upside-down, isn’t it?” he asked quietly.
Francis nodded and ran his fingers through his blond curls. “It seems like just yesterday the empire was celebrating his inauguration.”
“That’s how it goes, I suppose. One minute you’re throwing a party, the next minute you rearrange the seats for a funeral.” Owen looked up to the stars. “The only things that don’t change are lightyears away.” He gestured to the stars. "Everything closer seems to twist and turn out of its natural rotation."
"Or maybe the twisting and turning is part of the natural rotation," Francis mused.
"Perhaps all our ancestors are down there, each pulling our world in a different direction, and that's why it feels like I'm being torn apart.
“And maybe someday we’ll live up with them, never changing, never growing old.”
“I can honestly say I look forward to that. It sounds nice, doesn’t it? Being a spectator might be more fun than participating.” Owen sighed wistfully.
“I wouldn’t be satisfied if it took me up right now, in a swirling whirlwind. I still need to make my mark on the world, and there are so many jobs left to do. I have to wait until I can wrap everything up before I go.” Francis held up his hand and counted his jobs on his fingers. “Graduate law school, get a place on the council, run for mayor, persuade the king to change the taxing laws, not to mention all the improvements that could be made to other laws.”
“You can’t expect yourself to cram all that into one lifetime,” Owen protested.
“But I have to. If I don’t, who will?” Francis turned to face Owen, torchlight changing his face from pale to red as he grew more flustered. “It has to be done, Owen, and I’m the only one who can do it.”
Owen rested his hand on Francis’ shoulder. “There are others, Francis. Trust me.”
Francis shrugged Owen’s hand off. “It doesn’t matter. I still have too much to do.”
“You have plenty of time for all that, and if the tax laws stay the same, it doesn’t mean you’re a failure. Just do what you can, and that will be enough.”
“Shows how much you know,” Francis muttered, glowering.
Owen raised his eyebrows. “What’s the actual problem, Francis? This isn’t like you.”
Francis turned away. “I’m fine.” He handed his torch to Owen and started to walk away, without any explanation.
What is happening?
This is the question that had been bothering me when I started reading the story.
By the way, it's #bloody and I'm here to review this prologue.
Right now, I'm asking myself why I didn't find this first. But I can also say that you have done a marvelous job in regards to the suspense factor. Yeah! Awesome suspense here and you just kept us breathless and wanting for more.
Anyway, gotta run right now. I'll be back to review your other pieces.
Bye.!
Hey there, Tucker! There are a few things I noticed as I read...
Not yet, anyways. Owen suspected that Francis, like many of the town’s other inhabitants, were in shock.
Since Francis is one person, you should use 'was' instead of 'were'. The sentence's subject is Francis, not the town's other inhabitants, which is something to keep in mind.
He didn’t let himself get too upset. After all, the story was still unfolding.
The first paragraphs have a tidal, rolling effect on me (and other readers, I'm sure). You never quite get to the point of what this great scandal/rumour/event actually is. And whenever I think you're about to reveal it, the wave rolls over again and you just keep putting it off. XD This leaves me both frustrated and on the edge of my seat, wanting to read on. I'm going to say it's a good thing.
“And maybe someday we’ll live up with them, never changing, never growing old.”
Okay, this is where the not being clear about the problem can become a problem in itself. This conversation between Owen and Francis feels too... preachy? I don't know if that's the right word to use. It's like I'm watching a corny soap opera and the characters are giving some moral lecture. Because I can't relate to what they're saying, I can't take it very seriously.
Owen raised his eyebrows. “What’s the actual problem, Francis? This isn’t like you.”
That's what I wanna know! But I also want to keep reading the rest of the novel so I can find out! 
Hello, MJ! After all this time of you reviewing my work, I've finally stopped in to review one of yours.
So, first of all, this prologue certainly leaves you wondering what happens next! Or, well, before the prologue, in this case. The writer in me loves how you dropped so many hints about what happened without really giving us a clear image. The reader in me is telling the writer to shut up and get some answers. But, of course, this wouldn't be a particularly helpful review if I didn't tell you things that I didn't like about this.
So, the thing I like the least is the same thing I like the most about all this. All of this secretiveness (is that a word?) makes it seem like the characters are intentionally keeping the event hidden from us. Here's what I got: there's some monarchial figure who isn't particularly popular, recently rose to power, and was even more recently assassinated. But this was not made clear. At all. I know that, in large part, that's the point, but I think you need to open up just a little bit more to hit that sweet spot.
Other complaint: worldbuilding. You don't have a lot of it. Again, I don't know much else besides the fact that there's a monarch with unfair tax laws who got assassinated, probably in olden days because of the fact that information was spread via rumor and people use torches. But then, light years are already a unit of measurement, so it's hard to say. Basically, I'd like more hints about what the world is like, even if this just comes from Owen's reflection on the state of the world.
Okay, the other things are fairly minor, but it would still be nice to have them changed: So, Francis and Owen seem to have pretty similar personalities. Not sure if that was intentional or not. I don't really know what the setting looks like. Might want to clear that up. I occasionally got confused on who was talking. Lastly, and this isn't very pressing, I don't really know what kind of a story this is going to be. I wasn't given a lot of clues, and I have zero idea what will happen next. Of course, I'm only a third of the way through the prologue, so that's fine, but it's something to keep in mind for the future.
Keep writing!
Feltrix
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