E - Everyone

The Adventures of Darren Cassidy - Chapter Three - A Convenient Spelling Error

Chapter Three – A Convenient Spelling Error

A few minutes after leaving Aiden’s house, the two friends reached the school. It wasn’t as large as the schools in the cities, but it was still the largest building in the village. They skirted around its edges, seeing as only teachers or latecomers were allowed to use the foyer, and approached it from the side entrance, next to the arena.

The school’s arena was actually just a big patch of dry earth with lines chalked onto it. Pavilions surrounded the arena, for while it was mostly used for Battle classes, matches were occasionally held there too. It was currently empty – an indication that the bell had already gone.

‘Hey, you two!’ an Axew called from inside the side-entrance. ‘Hurry up!’

Darren and Aiden jogged over to the little brown dragon.

‘How’s it going, Tyler?’ Aiden asked.

‘As it always goes on a Diaday,’ Tyler answered with a shrug. He began walking down the wide corridors.

‘How long ago did the bell go?’

‘Oh, just a minute. Raymond has class on the other side of school now, which is why he couldn’t wait for you as well.’

‘What does he have first period?’

‘Reproduction & Hatching, I think.’

‘That explains it,’ Aiden said, chuckling. ‘Mrs Williams is a right old battle-axe.’

‘Don’t let her hear you say that,’ Darren cautioned.

‘He speaks!’ Tyler laughed and patted Darren on the back. ‘But you don’t have to worry; none of us are crazy enough to do that. Seriously, she can force even a Serperior into submission.’ He stopped talking as they reached their first class and entered.

‘Misters Karman, Woods and Cassidy,’ the Granbull in the desk at the front of the class said, looking up from the journal in front of him, ‘how nice of you to join us.’

Aiden regarded him with a guilty expression. ‘Morning, Mr Cameron. Sorry we’re late. I overslept.’

‘Ensure it doesn’t happen again. Please, be seated.’

The trio took their seats in the centre of the class; Aiden sat in the middle, with Tyler to his left and Darren to his right.

‘Yes, we are truly honoured to be graced with your presence,’ a voice whispered from behind Darren.

‘Shut up, Malcolm,’ Darren whispered back, not turning around.

There were only nine students in the class, Darren, Aiden and Tyler included, so each day, he had to endure Malcolm Donnely’s stupid remarks. Malcolm and his friend, Seamus, despised Aiden’s entire group, but the vicious little Venipede seemed to harbour a particular loathing for Darren. Why, he didn’t know, but he disliked Malcolm in equal measures.

‘Just ignore him,’ Aiden advised.

‘All right, who wants to speak first?’ Mr Cameron asked, finishing his administration.

A Vulpix seated in front of Aiden raised her paw.

‘Anybody else?’ Mr Cameron looked at the other students. ‘No? All right, then. Miss McAllister, you have our attention.’

She smiled and made her way to the front of the class, handing her family tree to the teacher. Aiden called her the “verbose Vulpix” because of her tendency to give a lecture each time she opened her mouth. As such, it came as no surprise that she took thirty minutes to finish.

‘Thank you for that… painstakingly precise presentation, Minerva. You may return to your seat.’

The Vulpix did so, but not before smirking at the class. Mr Cameron was busy writing down her marks in a ledger, so Aiden took the opportunity to pull a face at her. She sniffed in disdain and sat down in her desk with as much poise as the uncomfortable piece of furniture allowed.

‘Who wants to speak next?’ Mr Cameron asked, looking up. ‘What about–’ He stopped midsentence as a loud snore came from behind Tyler. ‘Mister Cowell, please wake Mister Rafferty.’

Seamus, who sat behind Aiden, turned to his left to face the sleeping Drowzee. The Ivysaur grinned and, using his two tentacles, shook the sleeping Pokémon. ‘Oi, Duncan, a wild Snorlax stole your lunch!’

The Drowzee awoke with a start, calling, ‘What? Where?’

‘Seamus, that was uncalled for. Duncan, please come present your family tree to the class.’

Duncan mumbled sleepily and rummaged in his bag until he found his assignment. Stumbling to the front of the class, he handed Mr Cameron his family tree and begun his presentation. He was groggy, so half of everything he said was slightly slurred. Near the end, he forgot what he wanted to say, so he had to look at his family tree again before he finished.

‘Thank you, Mister Rafferty. If anyone still wants to deliver their presentation voluntarily, do so now, otherwise I shall choose. No? Very well, Seamus, you will be next, followed by Malcolm, Tyler, Nicole, Leslie, Aiden, and finally, Darren.’

One by one, each of the students presented their family trees, and as Darren’s turn came closer, he grew increasingly nervous. He had his family tree in front of him, desperately trying to remember all the dates. When he looked next to him, Aiden was doing the same, except he had written everything down beforehand, so he simply needed to memorise it. Darren mentally berated himself for not having done the same.

As Leslie concluded his presentation and Aiden went forward, Darren had an idea. Nobody knew who his father was anyway, so he didn’t have to use his real name. But he couldn’t just draw a line through “Axel Sheridan” and write something completely different, since Mr Cameron would be on to him within seconds. What to do?

Darren gazed at the name for some time, wondering what to do, when Mr Cameron called him forwards.

Darren started. Had time really passed so quickly?

‘I’ll be right there, sir.’

Panicking a bit, he picked up the pen and began to draw a line through his father’s name. He had almost touched the “S” when he stopped and wrote “Alex”.

‘Mister Cassidy, why the delay?’

‘I just noticed a spelling error I made, sir, so I fixed it.’ Darren sighed in relief. He walked over to the Granbull and handed him his assignment.

‘Thank you. You may begin.’

Turning around to face the class, Darren took a deep breath and began his presentation. He was deeply terrified of forgetting something, but despite his fears, everything went smoothly. He concluded well and made to return to his desk, but Mr Cameron stopped him before he could.

‘Err, Darren, your presentation was sufficiently detailed, but you only elaborated on your mother’s side of the family. What about your father?’

‘Oh, right.’ Darren’s right hind leg twitched. ‘Well, my father was a Mightyena named Alex Sheridan, born fourteen forty-one. His personality was “Bold”, which means he liked sour foods, but disliked spicy foods. Because of this, his defence was higher than average, while his attack was lower than average. And… that’s it.’

Darren made to leave again, but again, Mr Cameron stopped him.

‘Hold on just a moment. You say “was”, as if your father is deceased, but you never stated when he died. You also failed to elaborate on his side of the family. Why is that?’

Whereas the class had only somewhat paid attention previously, all eyes were on Darren at that time – even Duncan gazed at him curiously.

‘Well… my father was an orphan, so he never knew his side of the family. And I say “was”, because…’ Darren’s throat went dry.

‘Yes?’

‘Because… he…’ Darren shivered. ‘Because he left.’

‘Left?’

Was Mr Cameron trying to torment him?

‘Yes, he left. Before I was born, actually. He never once tried to contact us, so he might as well be dead, for all I care.’ Sweat ran down his forehead and his breath was fast and irregular. ‘Can I go now?’

‘Yes, Darren, you may return to your seat. Thank you.’

Darren happily did so, wishing everyone would stop looking at him.

‘Well, the bell will go any moment now,’ Mr Cameron announced, ‘so you may pack your bags, I suppose.’

The classroom was suddenly filled with the sound of pencil cases being pushed into bags and the straps clicking close. When the bell went, Darren was the first out the door.

Comments & reviews · 3
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
TinkerTwaggy
Review

"The Ivysaur grinned and, using his two tentacles," ← these are vines, actually. Y'know, Grass type. I'm not saying this to be picky, but because if you have to make further description on that Ivysaur, you'll know that nthey should be more... plant-related, instead of organic. Food for thought!

I. Impressions of the Shell Master!

-Aaaaaaaaaand we've got a classic bully/rival character. NEAT. Wonder how that'll turn out.

-...Way too many 'Mons. I mean, it's to be expected, since we have 718 species, but have you considering showing off 1 image of a previously introduced Pokemon at the beginning of a chapter? You don't HAVE to do it, but I wonder how people unfamiliar with 'Mons can handle this. Then again, it's a Pokemon fanfiction, so they're supposed to know at least a few of 'em. That and Google's a good friend.
So yeah, you really don't have to do it.

-Well that teacher is the most tactless 'Mon I've ever met - not that these don't actually exist, since they do, unfortunately. Pff. I mean seriously, there are people who don't know much about family members for several reasons, many of which bein' personal. That was painful to read :/

-Once again, perfect flow. This is yet another simple, relatable situation involving a stressful oral presentation in front of people. Yikes.

-Ah! And good job at throwing yet more little bits of world building in this situation :D You've shown us bits of each character's personalities/language gimmicks, thus giving us some directions towards them. That is neat.

II. Conclusion!

Once again, not much to say. My only complain is that you didn't actually show any of the presentations - aside for the end part of Darren's - it's not a big deal or anything, but I just find this a bit too bad, because it kinda lacked... details. Which is quite unusual, given that you're the one writing.
But really, this chapter was simple and effective, so you've done a great job. On to the next one!

~Shell Master Tortwag~

Another review on the same day? Whoo!

Impressions:
1. Yeah, I have no idea why I said tentacles... I believe I used "vines" in the following chapters.
2. You'll just have to wait and see, won't you?
3. Pfft! That's just nine, and they're the same class throughout. Honestly, if somebody knows nothing about Pokemon, then the games or anime can teach them about the world. Fanfictions generally fall into two categories: those who are based off famous games, stories, etc. and those who are not. Since this is the former, the likelihood of other fans reading it is high, so I can slack off the descriptions a bit. However, in another fanfiction I'll be writing someday, it will be the latter, so then I'll have to describe everything. For now, I'd advise looking them up or simply asking me for pictures, which I've done at the first chapter.
4. Mr Cameron is rather blunt, yes. The students don't really like him, but they don't dislike him either.
5. I find that two other members of Team Striprime saying the presentation is relateble gives me cause to be hopeful. ^_^
6. I do love being subtle. ;)

I decided that since most of the characters are inconsequential anyway, listing their families is mostly redundant. Besides, then I'd have to work out more family trees, and I was too lazy. :P

I'm doing them ALL today. That includes Ender and Buggie, but I'm startin' with you 'cause I was especially late with your chapters.

1. ...I... will refrain myself from doing a tentacle joke. Be happy :p
2. Unfortunately, yup. You'll do a great job ;)
3. No, I meant lots of 'Mons introduced at once. The class is rather small, WHICH IS GOOD.
That aside, yeah, that's exactly why I'm not too worried about this. It's Pokemon, it's famous, people can look up 'Mons and find them quickly, so it's not a big deal, as I said.
4. Eh. As long as he doesn't always asks questions like that, I'll be fine with 'im.
5. Indeed! DO be hopefully, 'cause it really is. Keep goin'.
6. And you're definitely good at that.

Well, one or two examples wouldn't hurt, and it would've been a great way to introduce their characters a bit. Like, the way they present them, or make us imagine how they're like by hearing what their families are like.
Again: food for thought. Chapter was good :3
...Oh. Work on more family trees. Right. Didn't think about that part.

User avatar
Ventomology
Review

Good day, Hunter! (Might I mention that I saw you online at 20:00, which is 5 am for you? You left something on, didn't you? Waste of electricity!)

But I digress. Discussing your life choices is not what I came here for.

Note 1: Stage sets have vibes, and your setting descriptions should too.

I know school is usually boring, Hunter, but you shouldn't skimp on setting a tone. I can excuse ignoring the school building itself, since everyone's got an idea of 'school' that they'll use to make the story more relate-able. But since you spent so much time inside Mr. Cameron's classroom, you could at least say a few words.

And if you don't really want to say anything about the classroom (like how drab it is, or how messy, or whatever), then talk about the lighting and use some fancy metaphor to heighten Darren's nerves. Think of it as the way a stage crew uses differently colored lights and spots to flaunt a character's emotion.

(Or I could get into the epic sets we used for Millie, which were entirely white...)

And now I shall move on to Impressions.

1. I've never met a Malcolm before, but I was initially surprised that you named the Venipede as such. It seems like a rather calm and unassuming name. Nonetheless, the character is well-written, and I'm starting to dislike the name along with the guy. Given your hints to Malcolm being a rival, I look forward to seeing how he develops.

2. You need more girls, Hunter. Doesn't Darren have any friends who are girls? The mom is a very strong character, and I love her to death, but since you have offered no excuse within the story to explain the absence of well-written ladies, I assume that the ratio of strong female to strong male characters should be close to equal.

3. This little comment means nothing, but I think you'll find it amusing. When I first read the second-to-last sentence, I was super confused, because in America, everyone uses backpacks. Then I remembered that Americans are weird, and other people use actual bags for school because they don't have absurd textbooks to carry all the time.

Then I half wished I'd gone on the foreign exchange that I was offered.

Anyways, that's all for this week. Look forward to the day you can taunt me for being in school. :)

Ciao for now!
-Buggie

I was trying to complete a character profile, but since I had woken at 5:00 am yesterday morning, each time I closed my eyes, I almost immediately fell asleep. Eventually, I was caught off guard. That's why my tablet showed I was online the whole time. XD

Note 1: You're not going to stop badgering me until I describe the setting more, are you? *sigh* Very well, you win.

Impressions:
1. Don't dislike the name simply because of that little cheeky bug! You can dislike him, sure - I'll ensure you and everybody else does ;) - but the name means "Follower of St. Columbus", so it is actually quite unassuming. His surname, however, means "Brave" or "Dark Man", so his cunning nature is depicted by it instead.
2. When I said there will be many strong female characters, I didn't mean they would appear all at once! Currently, Minerva is the only SFC, but once I feature her more, you'll see that she makes up for the absence of many others. (At least, I hope she will.)
3. You're right, Americans are weird. ^_^ We actually have official schoolbags, so we are obliged to take them to school. But I don't understand why you said other nations don't have absurd textbooks to carry around - I take two bags to school each day, and that's with a quarter of my books still laying in a drawer at home.

I must admit, I am extremely nervous about my next chapter. My computer started giving me problems yesterday, so now I have to write on my mother's computer, which means I can't access any of my planning. Therefore, chapter four may be a bit disappointing. (This is a warning in advance.)

Thank you for your consistent reviews, Buggie. I appreciate your effort.

No worries! You can do it, Hunter!

User avatar
EnderFlash
Review

Mr. Cameron, shame on you. Stop making poor Darren uncomfortable.

I really liked this chapter! The description gives me an image of what's going on at all times, and it flows smoothly. Darren's reluctance to talk about his father, who abandoned them, sets up several possible plot directions. Plus, it introduces more interesting characters. I will patiently wait for a Ditto .3.

There are a few questionable word choices, but otherwise, I really don't anything to complain about. I can't do much other than compliment you and give impressions. Speaking of which, here they are!:

1. Malcolm. Friggen'.... Malcolm. I can guess a couple possible roles he might play.
2. Suspicious father is suspicious. I suspect he's going to show up at some point. If not in person, then at least his actions will affect something huge.
3. This is probably my favorite chapter of yours yet, although there's only three to choose from so far. There isn't too much detail, but there is plenty to go around. The events are relatable. More importantly, as I mentioned before, this chapter sets up some scenarios the story can delve into.

I am delighted. :D

1. Oh, Malcolm definitely has a major role. ;)
2. You are right to be suspicious, but you will have to wait and see what happens...
3. Then I have accomplished what I set out to achieve.

Thank you for your review! I am aware I owe you three already, but one of these days, I shall provide them consecutively.



One is not born, but rather becomes a woman.
— Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex