Young Writers Society

Hey Flower!
It's me again!

ICE CREAM!!!

It is peculiar to see that Satan looked like a regular emo kid. Because he was described as this Evil Bulky dude burning with flame and horn and anger like no one. Another more common modern interpretation is that he would dress in dark black suit mafia boss in a Royal Mercedes car that he can snap his fingers and his minion could kill you before you even finish this sentence. But to see him saying "I'm Satan, King of Hell. Why?" cute.

Best friend on first meeting. Clicked at first conversation. Rare and possible.

"Man. I do not want to get on his bad side." I would like a passage to support this statement. Maybe summarize on what conversation was about, or something happened in the ice cream shop and he was acting like the Satan should be, or something that "screamed" he is truly Satan!

Lastly, what happened to Emily's best friend she was looking for??

Overall, this title caught my eyes. Because even a King of Hell isn't able to resist Ice cream!

~Wendy

Well hi! ^^ I loved this short story, and it was pretty funny. I think there's just one thing I'd like to note--you split your story into past tense and present tense.

“Excuse me. Who are you?” I asked this strange but familiar manchild.

“My name is Satan, King of Hell. Why?” Satan replies.

This is a quirky, amusing piece of writing!! I love the idea in general, and the simplicity of how you implement it. I never would've thought to write a story about meeting Satan in an ice cream store. I also love the title -- very unique and eye catching. I actually really like how funny the ending is. I don't think that's how a conversation with Satan would go, but the out of world nature of the conversation is what makes it funny. Not every piece of writing needs to be deep and meaningful and full of intricate details, this piece certainly isn't, but it's still really good regardless.

However, I think you can add some more juice to it and keep it as short, simple and charming as it already is. What's the main character's reaction when Satan walks into an ice cream shop? Where's the emotional response at? What about the other people in the store? I saw your comment below where you said that you want it to be a funny short tale and not make it some super meaningful piece, but you can keep it that way and still add a bit more detail. Even in the first sentence, you can describe the atmosphere of the ice cream store, maybe it's cold and clean in there, and that would help the reader contrast the coldness of the eatery compared to the heat when Satan arrives. And I think that would bounce off the nonchalant conversation towards the end really well. I'd also like to see what would happen when the best friend sees the main character eating with Satan -- I think that would be a really funny scene.

So, while I think you can add a little more to it, I did enjoy this, very memorable and a lot of fun. Thank for sharing.

I am new to the site so i wanted to read something short and sweet as my first reading on this site and i come across this. Loved it, yet even though i wanted to read something "short" this was a little too short for me. I wish you would have added a little more detail. Now you have me wondering what you and Satan talked about. I would haved hoped to have read the conversation but sadly that wasnt the case. Seeing as your work (based on this story since this was my first ive read from you) is great, all great writers arent perfect. We all make mistakes and there are alot we can learn from other writers so keep it up and I hope to see more of your work in the future as i go deeper into the site. Seeing as I am new i dont have work on here yet but if you want to get a sample of my work here is a link to my fanfiction site! Enjoy


https://www.fanfiction.net/u/6578089/jessica-ancelet1

Okay, wow, this turned out to be a quirky and fun story. The title left me incredibly curious, so I thought I'd read this story, and I don't think I have any regrets. XD

Well done! This piece was amusing and fascinating, particularly given the unexpected and curious title and subject matter. Honestly, this reminds me a lot of the quirky tropes on TV Tropes, as it directly evokes many of them. The result is simply hilarious, as it's not every day that somebody runs into Satan and has ice cream. To be honest, I'm surprised that Emily had the guts to believe that he was Satan (which, given his description, isn't hard to understand), talk to him, not panic, and actually invites him to eat ice cream with her. She is clearly either the bravest person in the world, or the stupidest person in the world. Either way, I admire the oddball and bizarre direction that this story takes, and so I must admit that this is my favorite part of the piece.

On the other hand, my major complaint is simply how short this. It lacks almost any description whatsoever, which is a little disappointing. In this brief window that you provide me, I get enough to understand the main characters and laugh a little bit, but that's all. So, make this story come alive! Where is Emily? What does her environment look like? What is her friend like? What about Satan, beyond his odd appearance and aura, makes him stand out in this environment? What are Emily's emotions as she addresses him, and what is the resolution of the story? I'd love to see them talk more, and also see why he's there and the kind of friendship that they develop (although the ending is, nevertheless, spectacular). Too, why does she find him familiar? What about him is recognizable? Does this have to do with her friend? I just feel like, without knowing a lot of the context and background behind the story, it is still meaningful, but not nearly as evocative and hilarious as it could be.

I dunno, this being an ultra short-story, I'm impressed with how well you conveyed it. Well done! The plot and humor is fantastic, and, while I have one minor grammar error to talk about (mainly, replacing the period after Sure with a comma), this story was mostly flawless in that regard. While I suggest that you work on developing your plot, characters, and setting, I found this to be an enjoyable piece to read. Great job!

King here

Hello there! I noticed that you are very good with your short stories like this one. I really adore them, they are simple but still has this funny and appealing side to them. This is also a very cliché scenario but in this situation, I really do not mind it at all.

It may deserve some more to it but maybe it was made to be this long. It is just one small funny read for the reader which I appreciate.

“My name is Satan, king of hell. Why?” Satan replies.