Young Writers Society

King here

Hello there!

Your work is adorable and just stunning. It is sad that the spider lost his home in the end but its passion about this beautiful creation. The details are good but you could add a bit more, more about the way the webs sit down on each other and how they look into the eyes of the humans. The other thing is that you do not need to tell us they are humans and what exactly is happening, we as the readers can do the job to think of it in our minds and understand who the actually bigger beings are, the humans. Well, this is not such a big deal.

I would love to see more imagery put into it. I know you want to write it all through the eyes but without leaving the prespiction, you could describe the girl's or the mother's ways of thinking also.

In general, this was a very sweet story even if it sounded very silly and ended sadly. It shows that sometimes we ruin things without even realizing it, only because we are curious. And we are ruining something someone had worked hard for.

I honestly love this so much. Right now I'm going to pass on a review, because I just wanted to say that as a huge fan of spiders, this is something that I think needs more appreciation. I have a (weird?) tendency to name every spider I see, and I really enjoyed that you gave the spider the name Tony.

Just a short little comment of excitement and encouragement, I hope to see more from you as well

-inky

I would never in a million years have thought of writing a story from the perspective of a spider, and now I'm cursing myself because I never thought of doing it. I try my best to avoid killing spiders because they don't deserve it, but this just puts it in a beautiful perspective of how bad a spider must feel to have their hard work destroyed. This might be one of my favorite stories I've read in a long time on this website. Wow.

On day, big creatures came up to my web and stared with wide eyes and an open mouth. They were humans.

She got close enough to frighten me so I ran behind a leaf and watched from there.

Hey there, AsTheFlowersGrow!

I have to admit that I find Tony to be a funny name for a spider. But hey! He's your spider, and I can't think of a better name. The language used is really fitting to this piece; I can tell that Tony is extremely proud of his web. It is his pride and joy, and phrases like 'so beautifully' an 'so perfectly' make that obvious.

On day, big creatures came up to my web
You missed an 'e' in one day.

“That’s nice, Dear.” The mother ignored the girl.
Now, I know that the mother is referring directly to hr daughter. But I don't think that 'Dear' should be capitalised. It's not really a proper noun. You still might want to check that, bubt I'm 90 percent sure.

In one quick motion, the girl stuck her finger into the web and broke on of my lines.
Forget another e. I did not think this would happen! I actually gasped a little myself, and felt pretty devastated for that poor spider named Tony. This piece contained pure feelings, pride, and devastation and surprise. For a short piece, even flash fiction, I thought it was top notch. Thanks for sharing!