Published August 23, 2011
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138,008 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
A rather beautiful poem, though the rhyme scheme is a bit off hand. Punctuation wasn't at it's best and it is slightly unstructured compared to other works that I have seen. The repeating of the first line does help with the structure, though. Your poem has great imagery and it's effects are great. It really sparkles. Your not too bad for someone who doesn't speak English natively.
Congratulations on your work.
-Best regards from jaetwee
Aoow, this reads like a lullaby to me! It was really sweet and beautiful! The punctuation was a little so-so but other than that I loved it! I'd mostly be upset about the irregular structure of the stanzas, but since you began each stanza with the same line I found that was enough to keep the poem structured! Overall it was amazing though... beautiful imagery and.... yep, I loved it!
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
The punctuation was a little off but overall it was beautiful! It gave me a really relaxed feeling. Im in love with the detail, and imagery. It was dark but brightened my day!
This pretty much sparkles. I read it, and I see, I feel...a puffy white cloud back-lit by the moon on a cool Spring night. I find myself not too quick to remark on the content and style of this poem, because first and foremost, I find it...sensual. I can feel the levity and warmth in this, the stirring, the feeling of the soul whose stillness is here articulated in a beautiful sense of peace. Thanks for the good feeling.
Hello!
. I post this message to let you know that I have tried to correct some, if not all, of my mistakes and that I hope it is a bit better now. So when you read Suzanne's review know that she was very right to criticize it, I really don't know how so many commas ended up in there...
Thank you all very much for your opinions on my little poem, if we can actually call it that. I would especially like to thank Suzanne for her criticism on my grammar and punctuation
Not that it's of any excuse, but, as you've probably realized, I am not a native English speaker so I apologize in advance for any other embarrassing spelling/grammar mistakes.
Thank you for the warm welcome. I am very happy I found this place
Hello!
Although I haven't read many poems, I've still never come across something so beautiful. It was really awe-inspiring. I liked the repetition of 'Be still, my soul' and the fact that you've chosen this line as a title for your poem. It speaks of emotions. One thing I could understand clearly from the entire poem is 'Peace' and 'Harmony' (Although you haven't mentioned that but it's just what I felt) You're a pretty good poet so keep on writing.
Oh, and welcome to YWS.
Hi! First off, this poem was beautiful. It reminded me of a dream, because, like dreams, it was a jumble of things that I wouldn't think of off-the-bat, but, when I read the whole thing, it came together into a piece of art that was beautiful.
The only criticism I have with this poem is that I feel the rhythm is just a tad off. Just a tad. It's not a big thing, but it's something I noticed. Other than that, it was amazing!
Hi, Arwen! Isha here to sort-of-review! ^.^
And I say sort of, because this review will fail as far as critiquing goes. There isn't a lot that I can say about this, other that I'm glad that I gave into the urge to click and read it. I just felt that I should say something about it before moving on.
First of all, your imagery is beautiful. It's original, and it painted a beautiful picture in my head. These two things can be upsettingly hard to find these days, so being able to read this piece was extremely refreshing. Your word choice was, in my opinion, excellent, and the way you worded your stanzas was very well-done. The poem told a story, it took me to another place for a little while and it let stay there for a bit.
The best part of the poem was ultimately that the imagery was not only beautiful, but it provoked emotion. For me, it was a sense of longing- and I'm not sure if that's what you were going for, but if it was, then congratulations.
The second-to-best part was that you managed to keep up with the originality, creativity and emotions the whole way through the work- I didn't find a stanza that left me thinking that there should have been more added or something taken away.
The only thing that I could find to point out was your over-use of commas, and that Suzanne seems to have beaten me to it. xD
In other words, excellent job!
Keep writing,
~~Ish.
Hey there! Welcome to YWS.
My first impression on this poem, since it's something I'm a bit OCD for, is that the grammar and punctuation are a bit... off. Take the first stanza, for example. If we take it out of verse and look at it like your average sentence:
Does this sentence even make sense? And why are there so many comma? I think you've fallen prey to the idea that a comma in a poem is... well, a line break! Punctuation in poetry is just like standard punctuation, only more important. It shows the reader how to flow within your poem, where to stop, how to pause, where to keep going. With all those commas, I'm pausing at the end of every line, and then to find that the grammar of the sentence is out the window.. well it makes it impossible for me to understand what the poem is actually about. I'm sure you're trying to say something awesome powerful here, but without proper English to back it up.. I'm lost!
And of course not everything needs to be proper english and perfectly punctuated - but you can't break the rules until you know them.
Pass this concept on through the rest of your stanzas. Don't just write pretty lines, but say something, and say it in a grammatically correct way. Best of luck.
Im not usually that big on poetry but this poem of yours is quite beautiful! It has some really wonderful thoughts and ideas that make it a compelling read. I don't have anything bad to say about this beacuse I really enjoyed it! Keep up the good work!