Visions

Well then friend, let’s see if you’re gonna be happy with my invasion XD

Uhhh and since the poetry still intimidates me, let me start with GRAMMAR xd
“star-woven” needs the dash ^^

That said star-woven magic sounds epic and I wanna see it in action!

I feel like this could either be from the perspective of someone who’s actually having visions and who doesn’t know how to share them or really what they mean, only that they visit them each night.
Or it could be written from YOUR perspective. As the author, who has carried these tales in your head and now you just have to share them, to make the characters and the magic become real and tangible :3

I find the second stanza a bit unwieldy to read and a bit too on the nose with the exposition. (like “are normal” sounds a little less exciting than “star-woven magic” <- and yes, I am still awestruck by this XD)
I am also immensely curious abt the cobalt blue flames that signal danger!

Also there is someone chosen to “fill the world in darkness” and I’m not sure if the grammar is alright there or if, for once, we won’t have the darkness as the evil power? It happens seldomly enough XD

These are some of my thoughts, happy writing ^^

Hello hello! Very quick piece, and a very quick review to accompany. That being said, these four stanzas do more work, and do it BETTER, than most modern fantasy books I've read. Anyway, let's get to it.

The first thing I want to say is that this poem feels very... Americana. As though this is a modern American folk-tale about a time and place long ago. I mean this as a compliment, though it may seem like a useless observation. I think it's something to do with the way you've written "I wish I could tell you what I see at night". Sounds like something a Stranger in RDR2 could say!

The second thing is that this establishes the mood and lyricality of your world immediately! And your voice is very, very unique indeed. No issues at all, except, of course, for the fact that this isn't enough. BUT! I will now read your second part.

Excited

Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Hey there, Mrytle! Junebug here to leave a late review on this beautiful poem of yours!
Shall we?

Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
This poem reads as a powerful introduction to a new fantasy world. It describes the deep frustration of the narrator who is holding back vivid visions and struggles to find the words to share them with the world. The shift from longing to powerful imagery creates an amazing contrast, painting a bright picture of a fractured world filled with magic, complex morality, and danger.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
Varying the line starters creates a structured list, but breaking this pattern could make the imagery even more vivid.

Tales where flame consumed warriors and wielders of magic are normal
Tales where pitch black smoke and cobalt blue flame has become a sign of danger
Tales where star woven magic rules a broken land

pitch black smoke and cobalt blue flame has become a sign of danger

Not all is black and white
Not all is strong and weak

I love a good fantasy poem! Similar to what Mangledsoul mentioned, I'm wondering why the speaker feels held back from explaining further regarding their visions. Is it by choice? Are there consequences to speaking their truth? Super mysterious- I like it!

Going through the poem, I really enjoy the repetition of "I wish", "Tales", etc. It feels as though the speaker has this constant need to say more but keeps themselves from explaining further. There's a sense of secret urgency here- like pressing news or cautionary advice that you have no choice but to whisper with haste. The use of repetition is very strong!

I really enjoy these ideas here:

Tales were fierce warriors and wielders of magic are normal
Tales where smoke and flame has become a sign of danger
Tales where magic rules a broken land

Not all is what it seems
Not all is black and white
Not all is strong and weak

Tales were fierce warriors and wielders of magic are normal

Okay this was actually interesting. It kinda feels like someone trying to explain a dream but stopping halfway because they know words won't do it justice. I liked that vibe. The fantasy bits caught my attention, especially the dark queen, king of light, and smoke and mirrors. They make you wonder what happened in that world.

I think the poem has good ideas, but it feels a little more like notes for a bigger story than a complete poem. I wanted a bit more emotion or maybe one image that really punches you in the face and stays there. Right now it keeps introducing cool concepts, but before I can sit with one, it's already moved to the next.

The ending was my favourite part though. "Not all is black and white" and "Not all is strong and weak" kinda ties everything together and gives it more meaning than just fantasy stuff.

Overall, I'd say it's a solid start. It definitely made me curious, which is a good thing. I'd honestly like to see this expanded because it feels like there's a whole world sitting behind these lines.

This is a wonderful poem. I love the different parts, the ‘I wish I could’ and the ‘Tales where’ and ‘not all is’
My favorite is ‘not all is’

“Not all is what it seems
Not all is black and white
Not all is strong and weak“

I love this part, it is the perfect adding to this poem. If I could offer some advice, and this is just my opinion, I feel t would be better if the
“Not all is what it seems”
Were the last line.
But that is just my opinion, this poem is still so beautiful.
Overall, amazing. Keep up the great work!
Mwah Mwah! <3
-STARRYY