The hollow emptiness has prevailed so far
Filled with echoes of a voice, small.
It reigned over my fears
And vanquished me with tears,
And laughed when it saw me fall.
*
The people around watched and talked,
Among themselves. Their silence was their consent.
But their cowardly eyes did widen with shock
When they foresaw their ruler's descent.
*
The gasp of surprise from my visciour ruler-
"The emptiness" filled with vice,
Was a pleasure to hear as it watched with fear
It's doom materialize.
My enemy's cries were masked by my voice,
as it witnessed my prominent rise.
*
The symphony sweet spread it's musical breeze
as it spread it's strength with whimsical ease.
*
Indeed the ashes had reignited
The feeble fire in my soul.
It roared now, with magical notes,
Demanding to be heard.
*
The emptiness vanished with a final cry,
no longer being filled with echoes small.
Instead it was pervaded with a mellifous noise,
emerging from my resolve.
*
My resolve to restore a stronger self
And behind an empire leave-
Which will be filled with lyrical build
And symphonies conceive.
*
No more silence mistaken to be golden,
Nor speech of hurtful kind.
My body will be ruled by fate and time-
The collector of musical minds.
***
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
Hello, InfiniteRectangles here with a review for you. Also, Happy Review Day!
Okay, first I have to say that this poem was absolutely brilliant. It was so beautifully descriptive and well-written that it is hard to find any constructive criticism for you. I love how you so smoothly showed the change from being shy and depressed to being someone who is confident and strong. I can really identify with this as well, as I battle depression and music repeatedly saves me from the dark recesses of my mind. So to see someone write about it, especially so beautifully, just fills my soul with delight. Well done!
Really, the only thing that stood out to me was this line:
"The people around watched and talked,
Among themselves. Their silence was their consent."
The second line doesn't seem to flow as well with the rest of the stanza. It seems a bit long and out of place. Other than that though this was an amazing poem!
That's all I have for you. Keep writing and have a wonderful day/night!
Thanks InfiniteRectangles! It's really nice to know someone can connect with the way I feel after reading my poem
Just amazing, half-way through I had to hit the like button, the weaving of words to put it all together. I'm glad I could put my eyes on this
Just amazing, half-way through I had to hit the like button, the weaving of words to put it all together. I'm glad I could put my eyes on this
Thank you, OsirisCreed. I'm glad you enjoyed it
Ay there Coehl here!
I would like to say that I absolutely adore this poem, and you did a great job writing it!
In this poem I love how you gently illustrated the speaker as weakwilled and shy, in the most simplest form possible. You used a few words in the stanzas, when some poems either exaggerate too much or too little, but you used just the right amount. In this poem the way you gradually increased the narrator's weakwilled personality to a more bolder and confident one towards the end was the change that nailed this poem.
You did an amazing job on this poem, and you've certainly shown that you're capable of using words for power.
Thank you very much Coehl
And your interpretation of my poem is the closest to what I wanted to express. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you once again for your review.
No problem, and I'm glad that my interpretation was the closest you wanted yours to end up as!
So beautiful! Literally all I can say. I'm speechless.
Sarah12
Thank you Sarah
Hi, SummerSunshine here. I love this piece. I can really connect with your feelings about music. I really like your choice of words. I cannot think of any flaws here. Nice work, keep writing!
Thank you, SummerSunshine
I will.
This is very well written. You have illustrated the power of music very well. This is well written because others including myself can understand similar experiences and relate, and also it shows others how powerful it is. I also like the use of language and words, that seem to flow together very well. By expressing the power of music through poetry, I hope you can help others understand that music can help in times of trouble.
Thank you, lonewolf22. I hope so too.