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It’s quite difficult to recall my entire life without bringing myself to talk about Mrs. May. Respectively, I begin with the time I first met her. I remember the day as a plain Tuesday; a sleepy morning, with gray air and fogged streets. I was woken up strangely early and given little information about why I was told to prepare so hastily. When I was done the morning routine, we headed out the door. My parents held my hands tightly as we walked down a long street, passing street vendors, who, seemed to pour their passions into selling various items with questionable value and origin. But perhaps it was(passion?).
I soon realized that I had reached the age of which my mother could no longer lend her eyes to me for the entire day. At that time, we were just settling in to our new home, and I was not to be enrolled into school just yet; meaning that she would have to commit to work again and I would have to be attended to by someone; someone who I did not know, but would soon get to. My father, tall and skinny, but with a strong chin, demanding blue eyes, some facial hair, and a narrow chin that directed his face to always look forward, glanced down upon my curiosity and said that I would be fine.
My mother, a kind woman, with a soft and lovable face, with tender red cheeks that often matched her lipstick, too, looked down at me and let her eyes form crows feet to agree with my father. When I was happy enough to believe my parents, I found myself in front of a set of cement stairs. The first step had hand shapes that were marked into the cement at a time when it was still moist. Next to the smaller hands was the name, “Cecily,” and next to the larger hands, “Mrs. May”. And above those hand markings, a remarkably memorable sign in bright green letters that read, “Mrs. May’s Daycare”.
I stared at these mementos closely, maybe closely enough to picture their emotions on the days that they marked the ground, or put the sign up; but I was soon pulled to the top of the porch by my father. We stood, as a conjoined family, at the door and knocked politely. My father looked at his wristwatch, then to my mother and complained:
“I’m going to be late for work, hun,”
To which she replied:
“You’ll be fine.”
The door opened, and revealed a man. Certainly not Mrs. May, nor Cecily. I learned that his name was Harrison. Harrison seemed to like everyone he spoke to because when he engaged in verbal articulation, his words pronounced oddly due to his smile being stretched as far as it could go. He let us in, opening the door with his wide hairy hands.
“Go in,” he said with his lips split.
I followed close behind the trail of roses from my mother’s dress and coat. The scent soon became entangled with the sharp aroma of food, and a mix of other things that my young nose could not decode, and what I can now not remember. I was told to sit down on a couch; the couch was comfortable and a couch that I would take many naps on. Soon it became mine as every time I slept on it, more and more of my saliva would seep into the cotton.
But in the early days, this being the first day, the couch was slobber free and I sat on it as I was told to. Still, I did not see Mrs. May, and at the time did not know that she would be the one out of all adults that I would remember most vividly. Harrison, with his brave voice, his exaggerated smile, his tall figure, convinced me that he would watch over me during the hours of my mother’s employment. He shook hands with both of my parents, then watched as they walked over to me.
My father leaned over, kissed my eight year old forehead and said:
“Alright kiddo. Mrs. May is going to watch over you. I’ve known her for a long time, and I know you’ll be just fine. Now I don’t want to come later and hear that you’ve been cutting up okay?”
He aimed his head down, with his eyes gently searching mine to find out my true feelings about being here. I assured him correctly of those things with a smile of my full set of teeth and a nod. My mother was a woman of very few words; so she only kissed the spot where his lips kept warm on my head, then left. I sat there, in a greenish room, with a television centered in the room, accompanied and supported by a small stool. A doorway to my right which by the sounds of pans and pots clicking, I believed to be the kitchen. And a room to my left with no sounds, to which I could not guess what it could be.
Mr. Harrison shut the door as my parents exited the tall building. He clapped his hands together, gave his patented smile that I assumed helped him throughout his life, then said:
“Well hello. I’m about to go get Mrs. May, but before I do, I want to let you know who I am. My name is Harrison, but you can call me Harry. I help take care of the children here,” he crouched down to where his forehead was leveled with mine. “What’s your name?”
“Corvo.”
“Corvo? That’s a strange name,” he caught his words rather quickly due to the sour expression on my face, “I mean it’s uh---it’s different. Yes, quite different. But listen, I won’t waste your time Corvo. I’m going to see if Mrs. May is here yet, so be right back.”
He stood up and swiftly left me in that cold room, but before, asking a woman who also sat in the room, to watch over me momentarily. The woman, who looked dully over at my isolation, must’ve been a parent of one of the children because I never did see her again after that day. Harrison seemed alright at this point, but what was I to think of this, this, Mrs. May? At that time, I thought of her as a holy woman. A tall priestess who loved children, who wore bright clothing, who smelled of spring’s award winning gardens, who smiled with actual happiness, who would say my name softly, who would rub my hair until I was heard snoring. Mrs. May, was all but those things. She was something much more, interesting.
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I think you have an interesting plot. I like your character descriptions so far. I like the concept of memoirs a lot. I greatly encourage you to keep writing on this piece but no pressure, love! Remember: Diction, Diction, and Diction! Keep up the fantastic work, my friend. I do not like that I have to write reviews in order to post my own writing. I think I like Wattpad better, it does not have a silly points system. Points are Damn near always bad. Why must they exist!?
Hi there.
I enjoy the concept of your story & where it's heading. I think you have an interesting plot. You definitely took me back to when I was in elementary school.
I liked the beginning. It wasn't anything fancy, just plain and simple. The ending was like that as well, and I can appreciate that as well.
The improvements hat I'd have for you are the character descriptions. They seemed to be going by fast, and you wrapped the father's, mother's, and Mr. Harrison's description all in one sentence. You could maybe spread the descriptions out more. And I'd like to have some description on the main character.
Otherwise, nice job with the first chapter!
This is a very intriguing start to a story. I like the concept here. In a way, it reminds me of movies, but it isn't written like one, which is a good thing because I have trouble understanding scripts

So, onto the improvement. I really liked your description of Mr. Harrison and the house, but eventually, I would love to know more about what our main character looks like. His name might be a nice thing to know too, though I can understand if you're putting that in later in the story.
You let us get to know the characters very fast, which I like, but when the father says "Alright kiddo. Mrs. May is gonna watch over you. Now I don%u2019t wanna come later and hear that you%u2019ve been cuttin%u2019 up okay?" it seems contradictory of what we know about the father character. To me at least, he doesn't seem like the type of person who would shorten his words and say "gonna". The "kiddo" is fine, and the "don't" is too, but I would consider changing the "wanna"s and the "gonna"s and the "cuttin'" to want to, going to, and cutting.
I think that this part: "I can%u2019t recall my life without bringing myself to talk about Mrs. May. For those who know her may think me mad, for those who do not will care to wonder why I would be considered so." sounds a little rough. "For" in this case sounds like a version of "because" but that doesn't really work for the sentence. Maybe you could take out the "for"s? Also, the "bringing myself" seems out of place, because he seems quite ready to talk about Mrs. May, but that makes it seem as if he doesn't want to talk about her. And one more thing about this quote, it might help if you change the last little part from "for those who do not will care to wonder why I would be considered so." to "Those who do not know her will care to wonder why I would be considered so." It is a little change but it might clear up potential confusion.
Overall, a great start. Very captivating and has me wanting to know what comes next! I hope I helped at least a little
Keep writing!
-Raelyn
Thanks a lot! Everything that you've mentioned is of great critique! I appreciate it and I will go with your suggestions
Hey there!
I like this story pretty much! But there are some parts I think you could have worked on better.
First of all, the concept of this story focuses on Mrs May. She seems to be an interesting enough character, and I really want to find out more about her. Given that this is the first chapter, I don't exactly expect to see much. But from what I can tell Mrs May is a very interesting lady and the author too has some form of attachment to her.
Now the story here isn't that exciting and I wouldn't expect it to be at the first chapter. But do feed the reader with some info. I don't know what is it about your character and Mr Harrison, and why Mr Harrison goes to visit. Does the character have some form of a problem? You did mention that the parents said that "everything would be alright" and the author believed them. This is the part where you feed the reader with some bits of information, so as to keep them interested.
Now I'm a little picky about the dialogue so bear with me. Usually dialogue is a paragraph of it's own. Not combined with narration. Over here you included dialogue in the middle of a paragraph. It sometimes get's a little hard to differentiate between the actual dialogue and the narration.
Overall this story has a clear concept laid out, but what needs working on is the information that is being fed to the reader. Don't give it away all at once but don't hold it all back either.
Hope my review helped!
Your review did help! Thanks a lot
And I see you mentioned the dialogue thing haha! I drove my teacher nuts with that. But I recently read, "Dairy of a Madman" and in it, the author would use colons, then dialogue. I found it extremely strange, but at the same time, it was unique. So since it's within literature boundaries, I decided to try it out!