Infamous ch1 part 1

by Anonymous
PreviousNext

This may be a little cliche, but it's still a good, humorous read all the way through

/Chapter 1/

I live in a superficial world full of superficial people. The only thing that really matters is whether or not you follow the rules of the Social Code, where you have to look, talk and act a certain way to fit in. People don’t genuinely give a damn in my world, so I usually don’t either—that is I didn’t until he happened. He changed everything and rewrote the rules.

My name is Ashley Davidson and this is the story about how I, queen of Jefferson high school by the way, got involved with the lowest of the low, Duncan Finny. No one saw it coming, not even me. Life’s full of surprises and what happened just a few weeks before junior prom was the biggest surprise of them all.…

It was Friday night; Friday night was always reserved for a party. Tonight’s party was at some college.

My best friend Heather Taint was picking me up. I sat in front of my vanity mirror doing last minute checks on my outfit as I waited.

I was wearing a white designer t-shirt with some black sequins forming a girl on it, along with a black mini skirt and round-toed black pumps, also name brand. My dark brown hair was voluminous, but not too much. My makeup was neat as my mascara and eyeliner drew attention to my sea green eyes.

As good as I looked nothing could hide the fact that I was completely bored with the situation. I scowled at my reflection and looked away.

I was not an angry girl, or an unhappy girl. I was just simply a girl with a credit card and no care in the world, at least not anymore anyway.

I caught sight of an old photo of me sitting in front of my vanity. It was taken when I was fifteen; I was sitting next to my father at our grand piano in our Colorado condo smiling as if nothing else mattered. Fast forward two years later and we now resided in New York where my father’s an accountant who still manages to play occasionally while I can’t play as much as I’d like to. Going to Jefferson high changed everything for me. I had to give up playing the piano for fun and settle for playing the piano for grades just to ‘fit in.’ I had to make sacrifices to become who I am now. And honestly I hate myself for it.

I turned the photo over and placed a bottle of hairspray on top.

I suddenly heard Heather beep the horn of her purple Volkswagen. I gathered my purse and headed downstairs.

Along the way to the front door I past my parents as they sat in the TV room together watching some program.

“I’m out,” I called as I opened one of the French doors.

“When will you be back?” I heard my father ask.

I let the door slamming behind me answer his question. It was inevitable; I’d be back when I felt like it.

I felt bad for being so rude, but instead of dwelling on it I pushed the thought to the back of my mind as I went and got in

Heather’s car.

Heather took one look at my outfit and scoffed. “Did you wake up stupid this morning? What are you wearing?”

Apparently my outfit wasn’t up to par, Heather never made bad remarks about my attire. I looked down at the outfit I’d chosen, I couldn’t find a flaw, there was just the right amount of cleavage and there was no sign of a wrinkle or even a pudgy stomach. What was the problem?

Heather was wearing this designer pink floral print strapless dress with her favorite red round-toed pumps from Charlotte Russe. Her blonde hair was straightened to perfection, her light pink eye shadow was enviable, her lips were shiny and plump, and her brown eyelashes drew attention to her gorgeous blue eyes. She looked great; there wasn’t a flaw on her.

“What’s wrong with my outfit?” I asked as I buckled in.

Heather shook her head as she pulled out of the driveway. “We’re going to a college party Ash, t-shirts are for high school parties.”

People in college don’t even dress cute, I thought to myself, what’s the big deal?

“Gee, I’m so sorry for the inconvenience,” I sardonically replied with a roll of my eyes.

“Very funny Ash,” Heather smirked. “I love that top, let me borrow it?”

“Sure,” I shrugged.

I wasn’t all the way elated about the college party. There were all these horrid stories of date rape, drugs, murder, and other chaos floating around in teen magazines about life at college campuses. Was this little venture…safe?

“Heather, are you sure about this party? I mean, are these the chill college kids or the rejects?” I broke down and asked after a while.

“Hey, are you ready to party or go home?” Heather replied as she grinned my way.

“I’m ready to party. It’s just…”

“Relax,” Heather smiled as she waved me off. “I’m pretty sure they’ll chill. It was the captain of the football team who asked me out after all.”

“I don’t know, I’m just afraid of getting…roofied,” I admitted as I looked my best friend’s way and caught her eyes.

Heather rolled her eyes as if I’d said something childish. “You can get roofied at a high school party Ashley. Nothing’s going to happen, if you want we can stop and get something to drink.”

“Yeah, let’s do that. I’m hungry anyway,” I nodded.

Heather spotted a Circle K and pulled into the lot.

“What are you getting?”

“I don’t know, a soda, one of us has to drive home sober,” I joked as I pulled out my wallet clutch.

“Boo,” Heather booed with a smile. “Bor-ring.”

I laughed as I got out of the car and headed inside.

I was hungry, but not enough to eat gas station food. I grabbed a bottle of Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash along with some sunflower seed kernels to munch on.

As I was about to get in line I noticed Duncan Finny over by the slushy machine. Duncan was a true character; he deserved his own classification of the human race. He wasn’t in my crowd of people but I decided to walk over to say hi since I’d

spotted him.

He was mixing blue-raspberry flavoring with strawberry when I walked up to him.

“I guess everyone mixes flavors,” I smiled.

He turned and noticed me. “Uh, yeah. I guess so.”

“Hey, Duncan.”

He looked at me skeptically before saying, “Hey…Ashley.”

“Are you on your way to that college party?”

“No, I’m not invited.”

“Why not?” I already knew the answer before I’d asked. I was just making conversation.

“It’s uh, not really my scene,” Duncan shrugged casually.

“You have a scene,” I giggled teasingly.

“Well not in a physical sense, but…”

“You should come, I’ll get you in.”

Duncan’s whole body language gave away how uncomfortable he was around me. I was positive I could persuade him to go to the party. With enough charm and grace he’d be there.

“No, I don’t think so,” Duncan shook his head as he thought about it.

His response surprised me, but I didn’t let it show.

“Come on, this is a college party and I’m getting you in,” I coaxed. “You should be begging me to come.”

Duncan suddenly chuckled as though I’d told a funny joke. “Oh, I should be begging you, huh? I don’t think so.”

Clearly he wasn’t interested in having a decent evening so I gave up caring. That was a part of the Social Code, if you cared for too long you ended up getting screwed.

“Fine, suit yourself, if you want to be all alone on a Friday night, go right on ahead,” I turned and headed for the register.

“Wait,” Duncan called from behind me.

I grinned to myself on a job well done. I twirled around and faced him as I held my composure. “Yes?”

“You’ll…get me in?” he seemed reluctant to have asked.

“Def.”

“Well, all right, I’ll show up.”

“Righteous,” I nodded briefly with a smile.

After telling him which college to head to, I walked over to the register and set my soda down along with the kernels. I looked back at Duncan; he was putting a lid on his drink now. He looked up and locked eyes with me. His face gave away how unsure he was about this endeavor. I smiled and gave a nod as the guy behind the counter rang my things up. Duncan slowly nodded back.

I grabbed my things and left the gas station and got back in Heather’s Volkswagen.

Comments & reviews · 4
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
Incognito
Review

This is pretty good. I find it quite entertaining because it does connect with the superficial world of highschool. I have a couple things I want to pick out though.

First off was your beginning. It certainly is a good hook but I have to agree with you when you said its a bit cliche. It reminds me of pretty much every highschool general fiction story out there. But I wont judge until I read a little bit more. But thats not what I want to comment on. I would suggest you take the first couple paragraphs and make them into a prologue. They are doing what a prologue is supposed to do, by creating intrigue and I dont like how you go from this almost analyzation of her life right into the story. I would suggest greatly, just actually starting the chapter from the 'It was Friday night; part.

Secondly, I have to agree with Tinkem when she said it is a bit boring. Not very interesting. Though it is still the beginning, and you have lots of time, but frankly, Im not very interested at this point. I would suggest maybe figuring out a way to make it more exciting and unique, but again you dont have to.

I also want to talk to you about your characterization and descriptions. It seems you kind of have alright characterization but they dont appear to be any different from any other characters you find in these kind of stories. You have the cliche popular girl, and the reluctant-and-surprises-girl-unpopular boy. Again, it is too early to tell the full characterization but from what I see right now, it is nothing different. Try to change it up a bit, create something never done before. I always tell this to people about their characters. Make something amazing, characters unwholesomely different and yet readers can connect to them. You have a start with this because you made her more not-caring I guess then usual, maybe?

Then I also don't like how you kind of infodump the descriptions. Try to blend those in more. And get more of a description of Duncan in there. Im not quite sure what to think.

This is a good start and I can accurately critique this at this moment in time, but I will keep on reading, for you somehow caught my attention on way or another. Good job. (:
~Incognito

User avatar
tinkembell
Review

I thought this was good and I'd like to read more but at the moment it's a little boring, not interesting enough to make you want to read more, I had to sort of drag myself through it because I can't exactly reveiw something I haven't read. The punctuation, grammar ect was perfect and my only fault is that you kept saying "some" a lot, either cut it or tell the reader what that "some" is. also on the line where you say

Wheadee wrote:queen of Jefferson high school by the way

you should probably just cut the the "by the way", it adds uneccessary clutter.
Apart from that it was quite good, keep up the writing :)

- Tinkem



They laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at them because they're all the same.
— Kurt Cobain