z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

A Heart

by AnoCannotUserName


A heart cracked is a fragile one

And being gentle isn't easy to do

A heart cracked is a broken world

The love there was is now broken too

A heart cracked is life living

Now, let me speak because it's true

-

The world is spinning round and round 

Hearts breaking every day and now

It's come for you 

-

Because life isn't life without strife 

And I know that it doesn't seem right 

But there'd be no winter to our spring 

No multitude of memories 

No complexities that help us shine our light 

Life isn't life without strife 

-

A heart broken is a strong heart

Whether or not you think that's you

A heart broken is full of pain

But understand tomorrow's coming soon

A heart broken is forever marked

And there's something I must tell you

-

There'll be those who break your heart

And you'll break some even though it's hard 

But you must stand back up 

-

Because life isn't life without strife 

And I know that it doesn't seem right 

But there'd be no winter to our spring 

No multitude of memories 

No complexities that help us shine our light 

-

Please remember 

Please be careful with your heart 

Don't forget your strong mind 

Only reap good things in your heart 

Don't let it fall to the dark 

Oh, but don't be afraid to let your heart fly 

-

A broken heart is shattered in to pieces 

And you scatter the remains across the sky 

But then the sun begins to set 

Your crystal pieces are stuck and then 

Won't you look 

They're stars 


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1085 Reviews


Points: 90000
Reviews: 1085

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Sun Mar 25, 2018 12:32 am
Mea wrote a review...



Hey, Ano! I thought I'd drop by for a quick review on this lovely Review Day!

I really like this! I think it definitely feels like the lyrics to a beautiful and sort of upbeat song.

I noticed that you said below that you were having a hard time getting these lyrics separated into stanzas. For some reason, YWS's publishing center deletes blank lines of whitespace, which is why just adding an extra line between lines doesn't work. You can either put a dash on the blank line between each stanza, or you can do something slightly more complicated but I think looks nicer:

If you press shift+enter when making a new line, YWS single-spaces it instead of the automatic double space. So if you press shift+enter after every line except for the end of the stanza, you get each line single-spaced, but with a double-space separating stanzas. (I hope that makes sense!)

By and large, I thought the rhyming really helped this piece feel cohesive. You didn't stick too strongly to any one rhyming scheme, though, and I think if you went through the piece and made notes of each time you rhymed and trying to make it a little more consistent, it might help it pull together even more.

To break a heart is to shake their entire world
What was once red is now blue

I didn't really like these lines. The second line is one instance where the rhyming felt really forced, and the image of red turning into blue didn't feel particularly powerful/intuitive or like it was saying anything beyond "these are opposites and one of them rhymes with "do." I think you could choose a much more evocative image to get across the idea of everything changing.

Also, in general, I thought your weakest lines were your "To break a heart..." lines, which is a problems since thematically they're what ties everything together. A lot of the time, they didn't make much literal sense to me, and although the rest of your song seemed to flow really well and I could easily imagine it being put to music, these lines always felt like they had too many or too few syllables and just didn't fit in with the rest of it.

I interpreted these lyrics as saying that making mistakes and having hardships in life is inevitable, but that just means we need to be brave, because those difficulties are what make us beautiful and strong. The part I didn't quite understand was how it relates to breaking hearts - I think what this is saying is that you're going to be let down sometimes, or wind up hurting other people sometimes, and so be careful but accept that it will happen. But then with some of the "To break a heart" lines, it seemed like you were saying it's good to break other people's hearts (i.e. "To break a heart is to be strong").

Overall, though, I really loved the message. My favorite part was definitely these four lines:
But there'd be no winter to our spring
No multitude of memories
No complexities that help us shine our light
Life isn't life without strife


My main suggestions for you are to go through this looking for anything that doesn't quite flow right, and to see if you can replace a couple of the lines with stronger word choice and imagery. But overall, I think these are really solid lyrics! Do you have any idea how the song would go? I'd be curious to hear it.

Good luck with this, and keep writing!






Thank you for your suggestions! And thanks for the spacing solution you gave me. I'll definitely be going through this to clean it up and add a more consistent rhyming scheme and better wording. I am currently in the process of looking for chords to fit it and putting it to music. I'm thinking about posting it once it's done. I'll keep you updated on the song though. Thank you for your reply! :)



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Reviews: 25

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Tue Feb 20, 2018 6:35 pm
Iamawriter wrote a review...



Hello! Iamawriter here for a review.

Here are so key things that I noticed in the poem.

Good things:
-There was a consistent theme.
-A good use of imagery.
-The piece evokes emotion.

Things to work on:
-Rhyme. In some areas you appear to be trying to rhyme but then you stop. Although it is not necessary or even in your work's best interest to rhyme, you should be consistent.
-Flow. As these are lyrics and I cannot hear the melody (assuming they are being put to music) I cannot make the best judgement but there are some areas that flow could be improved.
-Division. I think it would be a good idea to divide the lyrics into stanzas that way they would make more sense to the reader and give a better sense of flow.

Overall, a great job and I would love to see where this piece goes.

Keep writing!






Thanks you!!! I appreciate your feed back. On the division thing, I do have them separated into stanzas, but every time it was published it all came out as one big stanza. I don't know what happened there and I eventually gave up, but I'll try again. Thank you for the review! :)




Spend your days thinking about things that are good and true and beautiful and noble, and you will become good and true and beautiful and noble.
— Matthew Kelly