Hey, Ano! I thought I'd drop by for a quick review on this lovely Review Day!
I really like this! I think it definitely feels like the lyrics to a beautiful and sort of upbeat song.
I noticed that you said below that you were having a hard time getting these lyrics separated into stanzas. For some reason, YWS's publishing center deletes blank lines of whitespace, which is why just adding an extra line between lines doesn't work. You can either put a dash on the blank line between each stanza, or you can do something slightly more complicated but I think looks nicer:
If you press shift+enter when making a new line, YWS single-spaces it instead of the automatic double space. So if you press shift+enter after every line except for the end of the stanza, you get each line single-spaced, but with a double-space separating stanzas. (I hope that makes sense!)
By and large, I thought the rhyming really helped this piece feel cohesive. You didn't stick too strongly to any one rhyming scheme, though, and I think if you went through the piece and made notes of each time you rhymed and trying to make it a little more consistent, it might help it pull together even more.
To break a heart is to shake their entire world
What was once red is now blue
I didn't really like these lines. The second line is one instance where the rhyming felt really forced, and the image of red turning into blue didn't feel particularly powerful/intuitive or like it was saying anything beyond "these are opposites and one of them rhymes with "do." I think you could choose a much more evocative image to get across the idea of everything changing.
Also, in general, I thought your weakest lines were your "To break a heart..." lines, which is a problems since thematically they're what ties everything together. A lot of the time, they didn't make much literal sense to me, and although the rest of your song seemed to flow really well and I could easily imagine it being put to music, these lines always felt like they had too many or too few syllables and just didn't fit in with the rest of it.
I interpreted these lyrics as saying that making mistakes and having hardships in life is inevitable, but that just means we need to be brave, because those difficulties are what make us beautiful and strong. The part I didn't quite understand was how it relates to breaking hearts - I think what this is saying is that you're going to be let down sometimes, or wind up hurting other people sometimes, and so be careful but accept that it will happen. But then with some of the "To break a heart" lines, it seemed like you were saying it's good to break other people's hearts (i.e. "To break a heart is to be strong").
Overall, though, I really loved the message. My favorite part was definitely these four lines:
But there'd be no winter to our spring
No multitude of memories
No complexities that help us shine our light
Life isn't life without strife
My main suggestions for you are to go through this looking for anything that doesn't quite flow right, and to see if you can replace a couple of the lines with stronger word choice and imagery. But overall, I think these are really solid lyrics! Do you have any idea how the song would go? I'd be curious to hear it.
Good luck with this, and keep writing!
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