TOMORROW : Chapter 6

by Annapurna

Published June 29, 2013

In TOMORROW: Trials of the Lost Swallows

Of all the weightless feelings, death felt so free and yet so suffocating, the earth was no longer weighed down by the dilemmas that created it and as she sank into the mouth of death, plunging deeper and deeper into the cavernous waters, she began to feel all senses and certainty drain away within her. The light of day dissolving through the waves, shattering into tiny sparks as it tried and failed to grab Aurelia as she fell into hell. At that point all hope had been abandoned and the reasons for existing were blurred, what was the point when the embrace of death had never felt so welcoming. With half shut eyes and the salt of the sea corrupting her vision she began to slowly let go of life, but as she did so the a black blurred object materialized from the distance, approaching Aurelia like a silent shark. She instantaneously awoke from her fixed state of demise, eyes widened to focus on the approaching threat, slicing itself through the water towards Aurelia as if it already knew she was there. Aurelia swam as fast as her legs could kick at the water, her breath gone and heart failing, fear was all it took to motivate her as she swam up to the light above. Breaking through the waves of the blue surface she looked down, searching the deep water for the beast. But it was not a shark, nor was it a submarine. A black iron giant in the shape of a ship silently circled Aurelia from beneath. Her eyes darting all around her, Aurelia noticed she was not alone as people continued to fall from the helicopters into the sea. Screams of the drowning shook her as her hearing began to return. Then she noticed. The ships below had stopped and began to extend what looked like four great silver claws. And like a spider’s legs, as if to snatch something away, the iron claws shot up from the water, piercing it as the waves bled with their dark water. Aurelia watched at the horrific metal beast, the scale of it was beyond belief and the sight of it with its gleaming razor like arms, snatched at Aurelia’s fellow survivors. Grabbing the floating captives the claws began to pull them back into the water and into the monstrous ship. And at that point the chaos quickly dissolved into catastrophe. Drowning captives from every angle began to swim manically to the shore. But the ship continued to pick them out like flies in spider’s web. Trucks and guards surrounded the shore, limiting the chances of escaping; however Aurelia spotted a single gap, fixing her eyes upon it. As the seconds ticked by more and more victims were pulled back by the iron claws, the desperately frantic were the first to be lost in the sea of black, the weak and quiet were harder to capture. Aurelia noticed this that the iron arms could only detect you by the ripples you made. And with this in mind, Aurelia paused, cease her kicking and merely watched as one by one everyone else were captured by the terrifying arms, kicking and screaming as the claws broke through the water with a deafen crash. For the best part of five minutes Aurelia watched in terror, as she floated with the warzone surrounding her. Claws from every angle grabbed at the air as the hunt for the last captive began. It only took three terrifying minutes for the ship to admit failure and retrieve its weapons from the scared surface of the sea.

Shaking in the horror of her situation, Aurelia waited until the ship had completely dissolved into the blue and retreated to behind the bay.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

 

She had not yet realised her whereabouts, as fear had before clouded her vision. Great mountains surrounded her while forests bursting with the brightest green lay beyond the tropical waves. And though the mountains held the same majesty and presence as the ones she grew up admiring these looked different as where the trees not as dark and tall. The birds were colourful and sun so yellow. This sea, if it were even a sea at all, held the deepest blue and the most dazzling turquoise next to rock pool shores, the valley she were in was alive with the bird song and the sound of the trees breathing in the fresh air. Staggering onto the pebbled shore, her hands and feet were bloody and saw from beating the waves out her way to escape the clutches of the iron shark chasing her. Once she had caught her well dissevered breath she turned her head back, back to the direction of her stalker. The thing was no longer in sight. But before she was assured it had gone suddenly in a clash of foamy waves and the roar of the sea as the water ruptured below the iron arms of the beast broke through the surface one final time, stretching out higher than the birds, it knocked Aurelia to the ground as she stumbled back in fright. An alarm so ear-splitting it destroyed the peace of the valley as Aurelia held her head. The alarm came from under the water, were the mechanical monster lurked, the noise like the screams of a hyena deafened her as she scrabbled up from the pebbles, regaining strength in order to escape from the thing’s view.

A forest of a lime green was heavy with the life that lay ahead for her as she ran in the direction opposite to the shore, not thinking of where she was going or where she may land herself in. The blaring sound of the alarm began to fade however not completely since it had dug itself deep into the troubled mind of Aurelia. The green of the leaves nearly blinded her while the sun hit them with its shimmering rays of golden light. Birds of red and blue sang their song and the trees made a path for the sprinting child as she tore through the area like a cheetah. Stumbling of the roots and hasten through the ponds Aurelia began to lose control while the physical damage and emotional pain slowly crept their way in to her dilemma. The root of a soaring oak was the point of weakness, bringing her crashing her knees she cried out from the pain and fear terrorising through her blood. Howling into the desiccating leaves on the soiled ground she prayed for the nightmare to end and she would wake up to find herself home with her family, with Mowly by her side life would resume as normal. But this was not a dream and she did no wake up to find herself anywhere other than the hell she was living in. With her face stained and grimy from the dirt and tears she noticed what was in front of her. A large building with red bricks and blacked out windows stood waiting in front of her. Aurelia picked herself of the ground finding the might in her legs to carry her towards the building. Standing directly under the arched entranced, Aurelia read the coat of arms and title hanging above: “DRONKA ACADEMY”. She jumped back as her memory echoed back to her the words. She debated with herself for a few moments as to whether she should once again retreat back into the forest. But then she noticed the desertion of the area and how it was to quiet for there to be anyone within the building. No vehicles or form of transport was in sight, reducing the chances of Dronkas inhabiting the building. Holding her breath gritting her teeth she crawled through the open window, landing her unsteady feet onto the stone floor of the hallway. The silence was almost deafening as she crept vigilantly down the grey corridor. She could feel her heart being swallowed whole by the fear pounding through her veins. The only sound was the strikes of her pulse racing through her. She checked each room for any sign of Dronkas or maybe the miracle of finding normal, human beings, who could evidently save her from this crisis. Though each room she searched was completely empty, for better or for worse. However she was only in the entrance section of the building and she was yet to discover the secrets it hid behind the walls.

At that moment the sound of men yelling and dogs barking awoke her from her daze, setting her back into her state of panic. Running back to her entrance, remembering that no one can see her from the outside through the blacked out windows, she watched as the men in trench coats and fanged dogs terrorise through the forest, approaching the red bricked building. Aurelia froze, for once she did not know what to do, knowing what fate and misery that would be brought upon her if they were to find her. And yet she was motionless, her feet fixed to the floor, watching the saliva drip from the dog’s jaws. She gasped from the horror as the key turned in the keyhole. Just then a hand clasped tightly around her mouth and shoulder, pulling her away from the window and shoving her into the tight corner behind the bookcase.  

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Krystal6
Review
Krystal6 wrote a review Review · Jun 30, 2013

you have a wonderful story and I just wanna point out the 1 problem I noticed.
'...With half shut eyes and the salt of the sea corrupting her vision she began to slowly let go of life... ' I think you meant to say of but did you really mean off? cause that might make some sense if you think about it. you did wonderfully and I cant tell you how wonderful this is I can tell you put a lot of time and energy on this, its almost like a part of you. I love your writing and am surprised to only find one mistake in fact this might not be a mistake this book might be as perfect as a peach. I feel like I'm there in the book and I'm watching this all happen and that I notice every detail, you write wonderfully and I cant imagine a world without your writing. We would be in chaos! This is a fabulous story that I hope you are happy to share with the world! Your writing is like watermelon on a hot day, it quenches the thirst for a that really has some heart to it. I love the feeling and connection I am able to have with the characters when I read your story! Keep writing please! your amazing!
-Krystal6

User avatar
umaima
Review
umaima wrote a review Review · Jun 30, 2013

Hey Annapurna,

First of all this was a masterpiece... I loved the plot and the storyline. Keep it up. I mean after reading this chapter i felt like to read the others too.

By seeing the spellings it looks like you are studying British English, Am I right? (I am too *High Five*) :D

Anyways coming back to your story, My first opinion about it was 'woah it's so big' because you haven't divided this into small paragraphs. If the story isn't divided into small paragraphs then the reader loses her or his interest in reading it and that is a drawback I found in this piece. When I was new on the site I had done this mistake too so it isn't such a big problem, many young writers do this mistake. I hope you can divide this chapter into smaller paragraphs.

Second problem, there were some grammatical errors eg:

...With half shut eyes and the salt of the sea corrupting her vision she began to slowly let go of life...


I suppose you meant 'off' instead of 'of'

And though the mountains held the same majesty and presence as the ones she grew up admiring these looked different as where the trees not as dark and tall...


Did you mean 'were' instead of 'where'? please correct it then.

And a few more silly grammatical errors which you can yourself correct by proofreading. Now the thing is many writers (including me ^-^) don't do this. It is really important to proofread your chapter before posting it. It helps trust me.

So overall I loved this chapter, there were a few mistakes here and there but if that are not considered then this was awesome.

Tip: You can write your chapters first in word then paste here. That way there will be minimum mistakes.

Also one more important thing, whatever I have stated above was from my point of view if something offended you then I sincerely apologize.

Umaima

Happy Review day (by the way)

User avatar
therealme
Review
therealme wrote a review Review · Jun 30, 2013

Hey there :)

Wow I really don't know what to say. This is amazing! The way you arranged your words to paint a picture for the reader is pure genius for your age. I'm the same age as you and I doubt that I could write as good as this! I felt like I was there in the water, thinking and feeling what she was thinking and feeling. You stuck with the third person point of view throughout the whole chapter, which is quite hard to do, and for that I am very impressed :) Your paragraphing is also impeccable.
I couldn't find any flaws in your work so well done!
I haven't read any of the previous chapters of this but from what I have read it seems very promising and if this was a book I rwould buy it and read it until the end.

Keep up the fabulous writing!

Real.



Be happy, my friend; and if you obey me in this one request, remain satisfied that nothing on earth will have the power to interrupt my tranquility.
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein