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The Baker

by Annabeth707


He walked around his bakery cleaning up after a day of selling his bread and pastries but as he did he kept repeating one phrase, "It's my fault it's all my fault." The Baker had not too long before received news that his boyfriend had died in combat. His boyfriend that had only enlisted to keep the doors of the bakery open. But now that he was gone the Baker wasn't sure what he could do. So he took one last look around the shop before turning off the light and stepping out the door for one last time. And one thought went through his mind as he walked to the nearby woods. "I can't live without him." The only note the Baker left that night was on the tree where he was found carved onto the side of it were two words, "My Fault."


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18 Reviews


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Mon Sep 20, 2021 5:54 pm
SadboyJay wrote a review...



hi SadboyJay came here to write you a review

one: the baker was a good to be a short story through i one line that i like in your short story He walked around his bakery cleaning up after a day of selling his bread and pastries this was my line i really liked in your story but keep up the good work

Second it should been a poem cause words like that should of like been a poem to me cause it should of been like a short story like would of been longer but this would of been poem

third the reason cause i said it would been a poem cause if i was you i would had He walked around his bakery cleaning up after a day of selling his bread and pastries but as he did he kept repeating one phrase, "It's my fault it's all my fault." The Baker had not too long before received news that his boyfriend had died in combat. His boyfriend that had only enlisted to keep the doors of the bakery open. But now that he was gone the Baker wasn't sure what he could do. So he took one last look around the shop before turning off the light and stepping out the door for one last time. And one thought went through his mind as he walked to the nearby woods i had keep this as a poem

4th i hopefully see some new stuff from you this was a good story the baker




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Mon Sep 13, 2021 6:31 pm
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Annabeth707,

Mailice back with a short review! :D

This was an exceedingly short short story with lasting effect. I really liked the way you set it up and the way the story developed. You don't get any time to rest as a reader, but jump from the end of work to the self-enforced evening of a life. It shows how cruel and beautiful love can be in the most extreme way.

He walked around his bakery cleaning up after a day of selling his bread and pastries but as he did he kept repeating one phrase, "It's my fault it's all my fault."

I like how you start the story right away and you see a little bit of the main character right away. What I also like is that you only indirectly imply that "he" is the baker. So you start like a real story, where you fall right in, without much introduction or introduction. His repeated sentence is a good surprise and also a very interesting beginning.

The Baker had not too long before received news that his boyfriend had died in combat.

This is interesting information that we receive. Is there a war or a conflict? This is a good start to give the reader these questions. The only thing missing here is a "he" before the "received".

But now that he was gone the Baker wasn't sure what he could do. So he took one last look around the shop before turning off the light and stepping out the door for one last time. And one thought went through his mind as he walked to the nearby woods. "I can't live without him." The only note the Baker left that night was on the tree where he was found carved onto the side of it were two words, "My Fault."

You go from extreme blame here to showing it in a few sentences and expressive build up. This brevity doesn't give the reader the time to investigate further how this fault came about or whether it really is the baker's fault. You add a lot of mystery, which ends in a suicide. It also makes me think that maybe the two had a quarrel and it came to a duel, as was common in the 18th and 19th centuries, or an argument that became physical between the two. I like it very much that you leave so much open here and leave the reader with the effect of the unknown.




Have fun writing!

Mailice




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Fri Sep 03, 2021 9:58 pm
Valkyria wrote a review...



Hello, Annabeth707! Happy Review Month!

Valkyria here leaving a review for the checklist challenge!

So, let's get started:

Despite this being a very short story, it conveys the powerful emotion. I thought that this is a very dark and tragic story. The baker as a character is well established, however I would like to see more insight into his emotions and thought process. Does the baker feel detached? Is he crying? I also want to know more about his relationship with his boyfriend. Maybe we see it through memories.

Overall, I think this conveyed the feeling of horror and darkness well. The last dialogue at the end especially feels haunting and creepy, with just a bit of sadness.

Good job!




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Thu Sep 02, 2021 11:21 pm
mordax wrote a review...



Hey there! Mordax here with a review!

I really liked this short story. It was sad, hopeless, and dark. I only have a few suggestions, though none applies to the wording of what you have written, which I think was beautiful.

My only suggestions are towards the structure of the story. There is nothing wrong with how brief it is, however, the impact of this Baker's grief and the magnitude of his feelings are a bit lost on the reader because it is all we know. It is difficult as a reader to feel someone's grief if we can't fully understand the source. While this story describes the grief and pain being born from the death of his lover, we never got to see that love or feel the beauty of what he had in order to experience the loss that much more fully. I suggest just adding some snippets--memories--of this love before. Maybe as the Baker wanders his shop, he reminisces his love and mourns it all the more because.

Along with that point, the implied suicide at the end did not feel as impactful as I think you definitely could make it. Because the grief feels a bit lost on the reader, the loss of the narrator, too, sparks no real grief. We have no idea who this Baker is, what his personality is like with our without grief, and why we should root for him. I think just adding a bit more personality and build-up to this dark ending would make it all the more impactful.

Overall, this is a wonderful story. It was heavy and sad, and the death at the end made it all so mournful. It felt like a lament, the story itself a plea and confession along with the Baker's words, "my fault".

Great job!!

Mordax




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Thu Sep 02, 2021 5:38 am
RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hello!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

And also, welcome to YWS. I hope you have an amzing time here!

So, this was a really short and yet poignant story. I liked the concept behind it and how you portrayed such a big and important event that cannot possibly be measured in its magnitude through such simple text. You jump directly into the scene and I think that works quite well with the kind of story you have laid down. I liked the pace as well, but I felt that it was a little hurried at times. I feel like you have only skimmed over the surface, when you could have delved deep into the emotions and explored all the grief and loss. I think that would have better highlighted the ending.

As this is a very short story, you need a binding agent to hold it together tightly. I feel like the explorations of those emotion could have been that binding agent that struck the readers and inscribed the story in their head. For example, you mentioned that the Baker feels it is his fault that his boyfriend died, maybe if you had explored a little of that guilt, the ending would have been more understandable and the readers would have sympathized with him better.

I liked how abstractly you described his death. Yoh didn't go into detail or anything, just mentioned it as a side note, like an unstoppable event that was going to happen anyways. I feel like it added much more impact to the story this way.

I am also not very sure how the baker aspect plays into this, but overall, I really liked this story. It was short, and really powerful.

Keep up the good work and have a great day!




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Thu Sep 02, 2021 5:20 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!! Aaand I seee you're new here, so Welcome to YWS!!! Hope you enjoy it here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

He walked around his bakery cleaning up after a day of selling his bread and pastries but as he did he kept repeating one phrase, "It's my fault it's all my fault." The Baker had not too long before received news that his boyfriend had died in combat. His boyfriend that had only enlisted to keep the doors of the bakery open. But now that he was gone the Baker wasn't sure what he could do. So he took one last look around the shop before turning off the light and stepping out the door for one last time. And one thought went through his mind as he walked to the nearby woods. "I can't live without him." The only note the Baker left that night was on the tree where he was found carved onto the side of it were two words, "My Fault."


Well, we have ourselves a really short story right here, and well, despite being as short as it is, it still manages to bring across a really powerful event here. You set things up fairly quickly here, and despite that I think you've brought up this plot fairly well.

We start by introducing the baker that is already blaming himself. I think that's actually a pretty good choice there, rather than focusing at all on the bakery itself or his surrounding the fact that we zoom right on in the person straightaway suggests the story is purely about this person and his emotions. And the we get to see the reason that this baker is currently walking around repeating that same phrase. I do feel like at this point, perhaps taking a closer look at his emotions and going in a bit more detail to how the baker feels, here you tell us his emotions, but we don't get to see much. If we got a bit more detail about whether the baker was crying, or perhaps if the baker was having trouble with his work, or if he kept seeing memories of his boyfriend, I think this could be an even more powerful story. Although I will say even as it is, this is still powerful.

That ending especially, rather than going into detail, the simple two lines with the implication creates a much more haunting feel to things there, and leaves you knowing exactly what happened without telling you directly. All in all, I'd say, this was a simple but powerful piece here. :D

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry





Look closely. The beautiful may be small.
— Immanuel Kant, Philosopher