Hey Anma! So I was drawn to your story by a) the title and the b) the categories. I'm glad I clicked it to give it a read!
Ooh, so what IS going on that makes them want to flee the castle? What kind of threat? I hope we get it illuminated later on. It must be something truly horrible, because what I imagined in a threat would usually be a castle preparing for siege or something akin to that. Two things that bothered me about it here is:
a) If the king and queen and princess must flee, wouldn't they do it...more covertly? Just wondering. I always imagined that in such situation, the best thing to do is to get them out as quickly and quietly as possible so as not to draw attention to them. And also, somebody must run the castle in the meantime and maintain order I suppose since they're gone.
b) I'd love to see more description like FlamingPhoenix said. More depictions of how panicked everyone is. Maybe more hints about the danger. One or two sentences of servants running around doesn't give me enough panic here to be really clinging to your story. But! Assuming this is a first draft, this can easily be remedied by future drafts.
One final critique-y thing I have is more of a grammar thing, but your dialogue punctuation might need some touch-ups Link to a guide is here: Punctuation within Dialogue. Let me know if you need me to elaborate or point some out! (The rules are a tad tricky but it'll be second nature soon enough!)
I know my review is a bit critical, but I'm definitely invested in the story. I'm curious - is there going to be a hunt? What is the danger? And also because of the presence of royalty. Gimme all the princess and palace stories chock full of adventure.
Let me know if you need anything!
-Ink
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Reviews: 373
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