My pillow is covered in tears,
My mind tells me over and over
'Its not real! Someone made a mistake!'
They can take you away!
*
You will always be my hero,
You will always be in my heart.
I loved you then and I love you now,
God can't take you away!
*
You taught me to fish,
You told me funny jokes,
Stories, and ways to live life.
You helped me in hard times.
*
You took me and my cousins camping,
You taught us things we won't forget,
You were stubborn and hard to deal with at times,
But you were my grandpa and i will always remember you.
I love you, and miss you.
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139,798 Literary Works • 672,771 Reviews
Hello!
This is a nice poem! It depicts the grief of a lost loved one in a minimalistic manner, and your contrasting between you and your grandfather is touching. As someone with a recent loss as harsh as this one pounding against you, I believe it's an accurate depiction of the stages of grief (also poetry is just a fantastic way to relieve some of the tension and hurt accompanying grief).
For your age, this is an excellent, sturdy step into poetry and I hope that you'll expand more into it as you blossom into a better writer.
A few things:
- in the fourth line of the first stanza, I believe you made a simple typo with "can", and, filling the theme of the poem, it should be changed to "can't". It doesn't make much sense with the following content.
- personally, I would have loved more detail. How was your grandfather stubborn? What memories were made on those camping trips? How did he teach you life lessons? How is your loss affecting your day-to-day routine? I know this is simpler, and maybe it was meant to be like that, but a but more color is always appreciated.
But overall, a good poem. Remember, the pain won't last forever and the writing community will be here for you always. Stay strong!
- verymaryanna
Here for a comment/review.
It is well expressed, and I liked your use of past history between the two characters that came in as your mind was remembering all the good times you both had. It is sad, but people who have lost someone in the past will appreciate such writing more as they will remember such events vividly. Do continue to write such works as you do it well, but try to be more evocative, more descriptive.
For someone your age this is well done! Congrats! In the future just remember to look words up that you are uncertain about as you have made a few spelling mistakes. But overall I enjoyed reading this; as you played one of my strings.
Greetings
aer123
Hi, Tulip here to give you a review on this Monday morning, in which I am feeling terrible.
So sorry the first thing that I talk about is what I noticed first, and some of that is spelling. Let me show you some of them:
The bolded should be stubborn.
So I loved the fact that you wrote this poem about someone close to you, in this case- your grandpa. I know that I would end up writing a poem along these lines for my grandpa if something were to ever happen to him.
Now for my favorite part- my FAVORITE lines and stanzas
So as I have said- very cute, very sad, but very well written. ~Tulip.
Thank you, and sorry you feel bad. My grandpa passed away 4-21-14 so I just wanted to write this. Glad you liked it though