*has been edited after reviewed*
Tick Tock,
Tick Tock,
You watch the clock,
Counting the seconds away.
*
Tick Tock,
Tick Tock,
Little by little
Your life's slipping away.
*
Tick Tock
Tick Tock,
There's nowhere to run,
You're stuck in this worthless world.
*
Your life will go away,
And yet you sit and play.
You don't even care,
That you will fall like the rest.
*
Someone will replace you,
You're nothing new.
You, just like the rest,
Easy to replace.
*
Tick Tock,
Tick Tock,
You life ticks away,
Everyday day play.
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139,795 Literary Works • 672,771 Reviews
Hmm... a very resounding truth in such a simple poem. Although I have to admit it kind of depressed me! Keep writing.
Sorry I'm kind of a depressing person... Any way thanks
Helllllooooo, I'm LiptonCookie, ready to review this.
Firstly, I agree with ConverseFireGirl. You do have small grammatical errors here and there, refer to her review to see the content specifically. Evidently. but it must be said, read over your work, even if it's just skimming it, before posting it. In spite of the errors being small, reading it over can improve your work.
Another thing to add--I love the story you have going on or the wording. The only other concern I have is try not to be redundant. It's okay to repeat some words every other verse,but in some places you unnecessarily repeat words that could easily be replaced by synonyms.
Hey there! Converse is here for a review for you!
Right, so I love the idea behind this, I was thinking of writing something just like it recently but I think you have captured the details amazingly.
Just the thought of with each second slipping by, our lives are that one bit shorter.. great imagery
So, there were a few little errors grammatically, but I will just point them out to you...:
"You're life's slipping" - "Your life's slipping"
"There's no where to" - "There's nowhere to"
"Your stuck in this" - "You're stuck in this"
"Your nothing new" - "You're nothing new"
That is all I could find to nitpick, but other than little grammar things, this poem was amazing! Keep up the good work!
-CFG
This poem is the best.
I love up poetry!
ART IS ALIVE!
NOTHING IS REAL!
QuietQuilla desu!
I really like this poem, mostly because I feel like most people can relate to it. In today's society people don't generally get up and do something about certain problems in life. They waste their time on nothing or nonsense.
"Someone will replace you,"
People are born and die everyday all day; so i believe in leaving your own mark on this world to show that you were here, even if it's a small one. That you you were different.
Continue the good work!!
Thank you!
Hi, I am just going to give a short review of your poem. I enjoyed it, but there were a few grammatical errors you could fix.
The first:
"Your stuck in this worthless world."
"Your" should be you're, since what I think you were trying to say was you are.
Secondly:
"There's no were to run"
"Were" should be where.
I also would have like to see a comma after you in the line that says, "You just like the rest." It will give some rhythm. Other than that, great job!!!
I agree but with the you're thing there are other places where that fix can be made too
I will make sure I fix these up. Thanks!