z

Young Writers Society



Unexpected! Chapter 3

by AngelMarie


Chapter 3

It was still raining lightly when we got to lunch.

“Come on I want to introduce you to some people.” Katelyn dragged me across the room towards a table in the middle of the cafeteria where 4 people were sitting.

“Katelyn I can walk” I laughed and she let go of my arm as we approached the table.

“Okay everyone this is April. April, That’s Damien, He’s my boyfriend.” She said smiling brightly pointing to a tall guy, with dark brown hair and bright green eyes, and a nice smile.

“Nice to meet you April.” He said, but still staring at Katelyn.

I smiled “You too.”

“That’s Elizabeth, but we all call her Liz, she’s like my best friend, you’ll love her.” She continued, pointing at a short shy girl with short blond, blue eyes, and glasses. She was pretty but you could tell she didn’t know it.

“Hey Liz” I said smiling. I recognized her from our English class.

“Hey April.” She said quietly, almost to low to hear. She seemed really nice though. She was blushing a little I guess because Katelyn but her in the center of attention.

“That’s Austin, Damien and Jake’s best friend. He’s a little dorky but we love him anyway.” She said laughing, and gesturing to a medium height guy, with black spiky hair, green eyes, and also wore glasses.

“Hi Austin.” I smiled at him. He waved back; he was a little to busy staring lovingly at Liz to notice me. Liz seemed to notice but was probably to shy to admit it.

“Oh and that’s Courtney, she uh is a cheerleader. And blesses us with her presence so she can flirt with Jake. Who, by the way could care less about her.” Katelyn informed me, glaring at Courtney. She was pretty, long brown wavy hair that didn’t dare go out of its place. She had sky blue eyes, and snide grin on her face from what Katelyn said.

“You’re adorable Katelyn, really. Hello April.” She said in a fake sweet voice.

“Uh hey” I already didn’t like her. Especially because I haven’t heard Katelyn say anything mean in the 3 hours I’ve known her until now.

Katelyn rolled her eyes at Courtney and turned to me,”So anyway April, you’re more than welcome to join our little group.” She smiled.

“Yeah more than welcome.” I jumped at the sound of Jake’s voice and turned around to see him smiling down at me.

“Um yeah I uh think I will. So I’m going to go get my lunch save me a seat.” I smiled and turned away from Jake and went towards the lunch line. After paying for my lunch I sat at the table next to Jake, who had saved me a seat. I couldn’t help thinking about what Katelyn said about him liking me. I smiled at the thought.

After lunch Jake walked me and Katelyn to our math class. “See you in gym April, bye sis.” He said leaving.

“Bye” we both called from behind him. We walked in and had to separate because she was already sitting next to somebody. On the bright side though I had a whole desk to my self.

After 3rd block the rest of the day flew by. Gym was fun with Jake, we played volley ball and I was on his team.

I was getting the keys to my car out when I was once again startled by Jake’s voice.

“Nice ride.” He said. A smile in his voice.

I turned around. “Thanks, but you really have to stop doing that.” I told him trying my best to be serious.

“Doing what?” he asked innocently.

“Sneaking up on people like that, it’s the second time today you know. And it’s not funny.” Despite what I said I cracked a smile.

He smiled at me with that cute smile again and I swear my legs were about to give out. “Oh well, I’m so sorry, really.” He said with a mischievous look in his eyes.

“Oh yeah right, you’re sorry.” I laughed as I slid into my car and started it. I rolled down my window so we could continue talking. He ducked down and leaned in my car.

“So um here’s mine and Katelyn’s number.” He said handing me piece of paper.

“Um thanks.” I said putting it in my pocket.

“Well I’ll see you tomorrow, drive safe.” He smiled and walked to his truck a couple of cars down.

I pulled out and waved to Katelyn as I passed them. I drove home thinking about Jake. How can you like someone so much when you just met them? I didn’t know how I just know that I did.

I pulled into the drive way of my house and went in through the front door that opened to my dad’s office. I went into the kitchen and got a diet Dr. Pepper. I went up stairs to my room. First I would do my homework then I’d call Katelyn to see if she would like to come over Friday and go shopping with me Saturday. I just met her but we’re already great friends so why not?

I took out my math book and homework. Mrs. Cook the only one who gave me homework, I mean it was easy but so boring. She teaches Pre trigonometry, it’s supposed to be getting us ready for college or whatever. To me it’s a waste of time but it’s whatever.

I started at 3:15 and got done a whole hour later. It was like 50 problems. I put the homework in my math book and put it in my bag.

I pulled out the numbers that Jake gave me and dialed Katelyn’s.

It rang twice before she picked up. “Hello, who’s this?”

“Hey Katelyn it’s April, Jake gave me yours and his number.” I told her.

“Oh! Hey April! What’s up?” Katelyn responded excitedly.

“Oh not much, just got finished up with my homework. Look I know we just met and all but I was wondering if you would like to spend the night Friday and maybe go shopping with me on Saturday?” I asked hopefully.

“That would be awesome! Hey Jake want to talk to you for a minute, but that really sounds great I’d love too.” At Katelyn’s mentioning of Jake my stomach ha butterflies.

“Hey April.” He greeted me as he got the phone.

“Hi Jake, thanks for the numbers” I said barely over a whisper.

“Yeah no problem, but you were supposed to call me first.” he answered seriously.

“Oh well that wasn’t on the note.” I told him giggling.

“Ha-ha, well…” my dad knocked on the door.

“Hold on a sec Jake.”

“Kay.” He said reluctantly

“Yeah Dad,” I asked a little impatiently, wanting to talk to Jake “come on in.” I continued.

“Hey sweetie, I just wanted see what you were up to.” He informed me.

“Oh I’m just talking to a friend I met at school.” I told him.

“Okay, well dinner will be done shortly.” He told me, and then left probably catching the irritated tone in my voice. That made me feel guilty, I needed to be spending time with dad.

“Kay Hake I’m back, but I can’t talk for long.” I exclaimed.

“Um okay well I’ll let you go then. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He said, with a hint of reluctance in his one again.

“Right, I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodbye Jake.” I answered and then hung up the phone.

When I hung up the phone I hopped in the shower. Standing under the hot water a few minutes longer than necessary, I tried to erase much more than the tightness of my muscles.

On a normal day in Oakland I would probably be hanging out with my only two friends Ashley and Jennifer. I Might as well check my email to see if they sent me anything. Booting up my computer I sat at my desk. When I signed on to my Yahoo account I had one unread message from Jennifer. It read:

Hey gurl! Wats up? OMG! I miss you like crazy!! And so does Ash!!! I’m so sorry about your mom! She really was great and I know you and Ryan miss her terribly!!!! Write me back soon; tell me how it’s going in Thomaston with your dad. I know you feel so out of place down there!!! Lunch at Oakland High will never be the same without you A!

Wish I was there for you, but me and Ash are here if you need to talk!!!

Love you always gurl!

Love Jen :)

“Miss ya too girl.” I whispered to myself, trapping the single tear that escaped from my eye. I wonder if there will ever be a time where the tears would just run out. Thinking about all the tears I’ve shed in the past two months I doubted it.

A couple of hours later I went down stairs for dinner. Something smelled good, and very familiar. The scent of the garlic was standing out the most.

“Hey dad, what’s for dinner?” I asked curiously sniffing the wonderful aroma that came from the stove.

“Hey sweetie, I thought I cook your mom’s favorite, Chicken Alfredo with garlic bread. You wanna sample some?” He asked cheerfully, clearly pleased with his achievement.

Tears sprung to my eyes, mom was exactly the person I didn’t want to think about right now. “I’m sorry dad I’m not hungry… I’m …I’m going to bed.” My voice broke in between the uncomfortable but familiar sobs that broke through me. I ran up the stairs not able to hold back the tears any longer. Not staying long enough to answer dad’s questioning eyes or face his concern. I threw myself on my bed, and not for the first time cried myself to sleep.


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User avatar
48 Reviews


Points: 560
Reviews: 48

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Tue Apr 19, 2011 9:29 pm
AngelMarie says...



Thanks for the review Taylor!! I would love to PM you whenever i post more! :)

Your review wasn't too rough just honest. which i needed so thank you! I really have a bad habit of posting things without editing them so the stuff you guys read is like a rough draft. But that helps me cause you can tell me what I'm doing wrong and i can fix it.

I agree with the grocery list feeling lol. I'm working on it, but between school, cores and family time i hardly have time to write. Thanks so much for the review, i will edit soon and you can reread it to see if it's better. The tips you have given me will help a lot.

Thanks again, I'll be sure to return the favor :)

~AngelMarie~




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82 Reviews


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Tue Apr 19, 2011 2:52 am
ErBear wrote a review...



Spoiler! :
It was still raining lightly when we got to lunch.

“Come on#FFBF00 ">! I want to introduce you to some people.” Katelyn dragged me across the room towards a table in the middle of the cafeteria where 4 #FFBF00 ">four people were sitting. Try to always write out numbers under 100. 100 and over, feel free to use #'s. It's just a little rule that someone here taught me.

“Katelyn I can walk#FFBF00 ">!” I laughed and she let go of my arm as we approached the table.

“Okay everyone this is April. April, That’s #FFBF00 ">that's Damien#FFBF00 ">. He’s my boyfriend.” She said smiling brightly#FFBF00 ">, pointing to a tall guy, with dark brown hair and bright green eyes, and a nice smile.

“Nice to meet you April.” He said, but still staring at #FFBF00 ">not taking his eyes off ofKatelyn.

I smiled#FFBF00 ">, “You too.”

“That’s Elizabeth, but we all call her Liz#FFBF00 ">. She’s like my best friend#FFBF00 ">; you’ll love her.” She continued, pointing at a short shy girl with short blond #FFBF00 ">hair, blue eyes, and glasses. She was pretty but you could tell she didn’t know it.

“Hey Liz#FFBF00 ">.” I said smiling. I recognized her from our English class.

“Hey April.” She said quietly, almost to#FFBF00 ">o low #FFBF00 ">softto hear. She seemed really nice though. She was blushing a little I guess because Katelyn #FFBF00 ">put her in the center of attention.

“That’s Austin, Damien and Jake’s best friend. He’s a little dorky but we love him anyway.” She said laughing, and gesturing to a medium height guy, with black spiky hair, #FFBF00 ">and green eyes#FFBF00 ">. He also wore glasses. You used that they 'all love her' in the last description. Try to switch it up.

“Hi Austin.” I smiled at him. He waved back; he was a little to busy staring lovingly at Liz to notice me. Liz seemed to notice but was probably #FFBF00 ">too shy to admit it.

“Oh and that’s Courtney, she uh is a cheerleader. And blesses us with her presence so she can flirt with Jake. Who, by the way#FFBF00 ">, could care less about her.” Katelyn informed me, glaring at Courtney. She was pretty, #FFBF00 ">with long brown wavy hair that didn’t dare go out of its place. She had sky blue eyes, and snide grin on her face from what #FFBF00 ">she overheard Katelyn #FFBF00 ">say.

“You’re adorable Katelyn, really. Hello April.” She said in a fake sweet voice. Hmm. Something about this sentance really throws me off.

#FFBF00 ">Uh... hey, I guess.” I already didn’t like her. Especially because I haven’t heard Katelyn say anything mean in the 3 hours I’ve known her #FFBF00 ">(until now#FFBF00 ">).

Katelyn rolled her eyes at Courtney and turned to me, #FFBF00 ">"So anyway#FFBF00 ">s, April, you’re more than welcome to join our little group.” She smiled.

“Yeah#FFBF00 ">. More than welcome.” I jumped at the sound of Jake’s voice and turned around to see him smiling down at me.

Um yeahI uh think I will. So I’m going to go get my lunch#FFBF00 ">; save me a seat#FFBF00 ">!” I smiled and turned away from Jake and went towards the lunch line. After paying for my lunch I sat at the table next to Jake, who had saved me a seat. I couldn’t help thinking about what Katelyn said about him liking me. I smiled at the thought.

After lunch#FFBF00 ">, Jake walked me and Katelyn to our math class. “See you in gym#FFBF00 ">, April! Bye sis.” He said#FFBF00 ">, leaving.

“Bye#FFBF00 ">!” we both called from behind him. We walked in and had to separate because she was already sitting next to somebody. On the bright side#FFBF00 ">, though, I had a whole desk to #FFBF00 ">myself.

After #FFBF00 ">third block, the rest of the day flew by. Gym was fun with Jake#FFBF00 ">; we played #FFBF00 ">volleyball and I was on his team.

I was getting the keys to my car out when I was once again startled by Jake’s voice.

“Nice ride.” He said #FFBF00 ">with a smile in his voice.

I turned around. “Thanks, but you really have to stop doing that.” I told him#FFBF00 ">, trying my best to be serious.

“Doing what?” he asked innocently.

“Sneaking up on people like that, it’s the second time today you know. And it’s not funny.” Despite what I said#FFBF00 ">, I cracked a smile.

He smiled at me with that cute smile again and I swear my legs were about to give out. “Oh well, I’m so sorry, really.” He said with a mischievous look in his eyes.

“Oh yeah right, you’re sorry.” I laughed as I slid into my car and started it. I rolled down my window so we could continue talking. He ducked down and leaned in my car.

“So um here’s mine and Katelyn’s number.” He said#FFBF00 ">, handing me piece of paper.

“Um thanks.” I said#FFBF00 ">, putting it in my pocket.

“Well I’ll see you tomorrow, drive safe.” He smiled and walked to his truck a couple of cars down.

I pulled out and waved to Katelyn as I passed them. I drove home thinking about Jake. How can you like someone so much when you just met them? I didn’t know how#FFBF00 ">. I just knew that I did.


I pulled into the #FFBF00 ">driveway of my house and went in through the front door that opened to my dad’s office. I went into the kitchen and got a diet Dr. Pepper. I went #FFBF00 ">upstairs to my room. First I would do my homework#FFBF00 ">, then I’d call Katelyn to see if she would like to come over Friday and go shopping with me Saturday. I just met her but we’re already great friends#FFBF00 ">, so why not?

I took out my math book and homework. Mrs. Cook #FFBF00 ">was the only one who gave me homework, I mean it was easy but so boring. She teaches Pre trigonometry#FFBF00 ">. It’s supposed to be getting us ready for college or whatever. To me#FFBF00 ">, it's just a big fat waste of time. This part is kind of 'blah blah blah'. To be honest, it feels like a filler. It doesn't really do anything for the story and it feels like an instruction manual.


I started at 3:15 and got done a whole hour later. It was like #FFBF00 ">around 50 problems. I put the homework in my math book and put it in my bag.


I pulled out the numbers that Jake gave me and dialed Katelyn’s.

It rang twice before she picked up. “Hello, who’s this?”

“Hey Katelyn#FFBF00 ">, it’s April#FFBF00 ">. Jake gave me yours and his number.” I told her.

“Oh! Hey April! What’s up?” Katelyn responded excitedly.

“Oh not much, just got finished up with my homework. Look#FFBF00 ">, I know we just met and all but I was wondering if you would like to spend the night Friday and maybe go shopping with me on Saturday?” I asked hopefully.

“That would be awesome! Hey#FFBF00 ">, Jake #FFBF00 ">wants to talk to you for a minute, but that really sounds great#FFBF00 ">, I’d love too.” At Katelyn’s mentioning of Jake#FFBF00 ">, my stomach got butterflies.

“Hey April.” He greeted me as he #FFBF00 ">recieved the phone.

“Hi Jake, thanks for the numbers#FFBF00 ">.” I said#FFBF00 ">, barely over a whisper.

“Yeah no problem, but you were supposed to call me first.” #FFBF00 ">He answered seriously.

“Oh well#FFBF00 ">, that wasn’t on the note.” I told him giggling.

“Ha-ha, well…” #FFBF00 ">My dad knocked on the door.

“Hold on a sec Jake.”

“Kay.” He said reluctantly#FFBF00 ">.

“Yeah Dad,” I asked a little impatiently, wanting to talk to Jake#FFBF00 ">.

#FFBF00 ">Come on in.” I continued.

“Hey sweetie, I just wanted see what you were up to.” He informed me.

OhI’m just talking to a friend I met at school.” I told him.

“Okay, well dinner will be done shortly.” He told me, and then left#FFBF00 ">, probably catching the irritated tone in my voice. That made me feel guilty, I needed to be spending time with dad.

“Kay #FFBF00 ">Jake I’m back, but I can’t talk for long.” I exclaimed.

“Um okay well I’ll let you go then. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He said, with a hint of reluctance in his one again #FFBF00 ">voice.

“Right, I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodbye Jake.” I answered and then hung up the phone.

When I hung up the phone I hopped in the shower. Standing under the hot water a few minutes longer than necessary, I tried to erase much more than the tightness of my muscles. ...what?

On a normal day in Oakland I would probably be hanging out with my only two friends Ashley and Jennifer. I #FFBF00 ">might as well check my email to see if they sent me anything. Booting up my computer I sat at my desk. When I signed on to my Yahoo account I had one unread message from Jennifer. It read:

Hey gurl! Wats up? OMG! I miss you like crazy!! And so does Ash!!! I’m so sorry about your mom! She really was great and I know you and Ryan miss her terribly!!!! Write me back soon; tell me how it’s going in Thomaston with your dad. I know you feel so out of place down there!!! Lunch at Oakland High will never be the same without you A!

Wish I was there for you, but me and Ash are here if you need to talk!!!

Love you always gurl!
Love Jen


“Miss ya too#FFBF00 ">, girl.” I whispered to myself, trapping the single tear that escaped from my eye. I wonder if there will ever be a time where the tears would just run out. Thinking about all the tears I’ve shed in the past two months#FFBF00 ">, I doubted it.

A couple of hours later I went #FFBF00 ">downstairs for dinner. Something smelled good, and very familiar. The scent of the garlic was standing out the most.

“Hey dad, what’s for dinner?” I asked#FFBF00 ">, curiously sniffing the wonderful aroma that came from the stove.

“Hey sweetie#FFBF00 ">! I thought #FFBF00 ">I'd cook your mom’s favorite, #FFBF00 ">chicken alfredo with garlic bread. You wanna sample some?” He asked cheerfully, clearly pleased with his achievement.

Tears sprung to my eyes#FFBF00 ">. Mom was exactly the person I didn’t want to think about right now. “I’m sorry #FFBF00 ">Dad, I'm not hungry..” My voice broke in between the uncomfortable but familiar sobs that broke through me. I ran up the stairs not able to hold back the tears any longer. Not staying long enough to answer dad’s questioning eyes or face his concern. I threw myself on my bed, and not for the first time cried myself to sleep.



Hey!

A few things-

I do like your story. I want a little more detail on how she's feeling, though. Expand on her relationship with these characters.

Your story lacks a certain... feeling and stability with that feeling. In some parts it's beautiful, wonderful, and in other parts, it reads like a grocery list. "I did the laundry. Then I went upstairs and did my homework. After that I called my friend."

Also, even though people do use 'uum' and 'err' in their dialogue, try not to use it in stories. Instead, use pauses in your sentances to indicate an awkward pause, instead of putting 'uum'.

Do keep writing, though. I would LOVE if you would PM me whenever you write the next 'Unexpected!' chapters. (:

~ Taylor (:

(PS- I know, I give pretty rough reviews)





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