The thunder roared through the sky deafening the silence that was echoing through my small room. The room where I sat crumpled in the corner waiting; always waiting. It was dark, and not even the crackling lightning could penetrate through the suffocating blackness. I didn’t mind it because it concealed me, hid me from what was coming.
Soon the sound of soft footsteps shuffling across the wood-plank-ed floor overpowered the sound of the furious storm. The door knob juggled, and then the door slowly creaked opened allowing a beam of yellow light to dance across the floor; barely missing me. I held my breathe and felt the hair on my arms stand up. Not only was the light dangerously close to spotting me, but it was reflecting off a long silver blade; recently cleaned ad sharpened.
Of course the gesture was a waste. the holder saw me; they always saw me. the hard pale hand tightened over the handle of the knife and its dark silhouette lunged toward me. All I could see was the evil glint of the figures’s cold brown eyes and the gleam of the silver blade before it stabbed into my already bleeding heart.
________________________________________________________
I opened my silver-gold streaked eyes to the blinding light of the early morning sun. Just a dream, no, not a dream; a nightmare. The only kind that ever scared me because it was one of those that had a tendency of coming true. And I just happen to be able to look into my killer’s eyes every morning; across from the breakfast table. Yeah, welcome to the story of my life.
End of chapter
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141,255 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Hmm, this seems like a pretty solid story here at first glance. I'm liking this start here. It certainly builds a lot of tension up front and gives you quite a bit to think about as a reader here.
Anyway let's get right to it,
This is an interesting start there...we've got talk of some kind of mysterious and rather deadly sounding "dark place" that makes you imagine all sorts of potentially terrifying things, and then on top of all of that we have a storm happening. Well, we're having a lot of general bad sounding thoughts to get this started here, and I must say I am quite intrigued.
Oooh, there's a very horror like vibe in this paragraph, cause it appears some sort of potentially dangerous monster is about to come through there and attack this person somehow. The way that this one described stuck in some sort of scary sounding suffocating darkness, but then considers that to be okay due it to being a defense, really does wonders to sell the fact that whatever's coming is very dangerous here.
Oooh, I'm really loving the buildup of tension here, you're doing a really good job of constructing just that inevitable sense of death that's about to come this person's way and this prologue is going along really nicely here.
Oh well....and so it ends. This was set up really nicely here. You really build up to this little climax of sorts with the person ending up getting stabbed by this mystery intruder, and well, as far as prologues go, this is a very effective scene to get started with.
Ooooh...that last part kind of makes this more suited to a first chapter than something like a prologue, cause it looks to be the perfect spot to end a first chapter on, with a bit of a reveal that this nightmare is caused by a very real possibility right in front of this person. At any rate, I really like this point that you ended on here. Its a very nicely done little cliffhanger.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this comes together as a pretty solid start here. The one thing I'd have to say is that this one could do much better as a first chapter than a prologue, cause with the addition of that last paragraph, this just ties to what appears to be the starting point of the story a little too much for a prologue.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Interesting. A story about a psychic, I assume? Could be curious. I like the opening style. Sort of eerie, almost. However, some points are a bit fuzzy--practice writing your action better? The whole man-with-a-knife thing seemed a bit contorted.
In general, could be good, but you need to work on showing what you mean, rather than showing a little, telling a lot, and making your readers confused.
As always, take my opinion with a grain of salt. Keep writing, too. Hope this was helpful.
Edits:
*subconscious
*Yeah, welcome to the story of my life--cliche and out of place. Doesn't fit in with the rest of the style. Admittedly, the 'awake' scene doesn't fit very well. Perhaps work on that?