There once was a time
Where I wasn't sure what to do
You were mad at me
for something only you were to fault at
so I went on my laptop
searched up some sites and made my accounts
because I began to notice that it seemed
like total strangers had no control of what I wrote
you became furious with me and tried to put the blame
Except you don't get to choose what I write and how I write it
You were supposed to help me but instead you decided what I wrote
letter for letter and word for word
none of it was truly mine
so now I am here, on a website for writing
I hope you found it in yourself after this
that you can't bully someone to do what you want to do
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hello there! Welcome to YWS.
I don't normally review poetry, but I saw this in the green room and decided to take a stab at it (I'm trying to get more into poetry myself) so here we go!
I think my favorite part about this poem is the story and meaning behind it. I like how you wrote a poem about YWS (or, any writing website, really) but there's more to the story than that. The whole "making someone do what they want" is a neat concept, and I like how it was incorporated into this.
I also think the last line was very nice; I thought it cemented the poem into the ground, if that makes any sense. Just ties the poem together nicely (in this case, I don't think with a neat bow but certainly a tight one!).
The flow feels a bit clogged up at times or doesn't read smoothly. Punctuation is great for fixing this, but it's not completely necessary if you don't want any commas/periods in there. You can always go with line breaks, which is just separating the lines at different times to smooth-en up the piece. Both would work, too!
Word choice is something else that can be played around with, too, if you're looking for improvement. For instance,
To me, this seems a bit bland and doesn't pack a punch. Exchanging "mad" for something else entirely can make it a bit more specific and not make it seem very general. Even omitting then line entirely and replacing it with something like "Your fierce eyes cut into me" makes it more specific and shows the reader more emotion.
I think that's all I have to say. If you've got any questions about the site, please let me know! Have a good day.
~EternalRain
Hello there AngelBunnyroll!!
I see you are a new member here! Welcome to Young Writer's society!
Now, I can clearly make out the meaning of this poem. I hope this is not based on true events. No one should be forced to write something they don't want to.
Personally, I like to read poems that rhyme, but this is another of my exceptions. This is a fairly good poem and I look forward to reading more of your work.
''for something only you were to fault at'' I find the word fault a little disrupting to the flow, maybe you could you could write it as ''For something only you are to blame for'' This a personal opinion, feel free to accept any advice or go with what you've written.
''like total strangers'' Like? I didn't get it. Could you please explain?
''... I am here,'' Maybe you could use a semicolon instead of a comma.
''..I hope you found it in yourself after this..'' Again, I didn't understand this line, either.
Keep writing. Here at YWS, no one will force you to write a particular way.
Hope you have a nice day!
Cheers!
Alex Blackwell.