This is the revised version after I considered all of your wonderful advice. I'm not sure if I should totally replace the old one though, because the original seems like a totaly different poem to me. I don't know, what do you guys think? Is it better or worse than the original?
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140,910 Literary Works • 673,729 Reviews
Love, love, love. At first I didn't understand who the girl was and I love the imagery of this poem. It has a good feel about it and I love how you described this girl so much, I could actually picture her in my m=ind. Very good indead
Oh! I missed that, thanks I'll change it right away.
This poem is great! At first I didn't know who this girl was, until the very end of the poem. The description is very detailed. I could picture that girl's every detail. I like how you described the girl, and the way that you wrote the poem.
Overall, I only saw one mistake:
"A" should be "An", which is a simple mistake. Other than that, I think this poem is wonderful!