Published March 10, 2012
I awoke in the middle of the night with a sharp pain in the pit of my stomach.
Not again, I thought as I turned on my side and hugged my knees to my chest. The muscles in my calves and my thighs ached. I felt like they were beginning to eat away at themselves, ripping and tearing until it hurt just to walk everyday.
The knot in my stomach was beginning to twist. It was tossing and turning, begging me for food that I refuse to give it. I began to recognize the salty taste of tears on my tongue.
I'm so tired. I'm physically and mentally tired. I'm tired of being me. I'm tired of having to see all the other people in my life be happy, while I'm wasting my life away. I'm tired of having to look in the mirror everyday and not be happy with what I see. Sometimes I wish that I could just sleep forever, because in my dreams I'm the skinniest girl you've ever seen. In my dreams, I'm happy with my life. I wish I could just sleep forever, because life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake.
I hugged my knees tighter, hoping it would ease the pain in my stomach, but all that did was deepen the pain in my legs. It's all because that one stupid girl. Since that day, I vowed to make her regret all the times she ever called me "fat."
I glanced at the clock on my bedside table. 12:37 AM. I realized that it wasn't that late at night, and it was a Friday. Most of my friends were probably at parties, enjoying their lives. I refuse to go to parties for two reasons. The first reason is the pain in my muscles, it makes it almost impossible to walk. And secondly, I'm too fat to go out in public. Until I'm skinny, I don't want people to see me unless it's absolutely necessary.
Before this started, I used to almost enjoy my life. I used to go shopping with my friends, I used to go to parties, like any normal teenager would. But my life changed forever when I chose not to eat.
* * *
Note: This story is really short, but I haven't really wrote anything in a really long time and I want to start getting back into writing again. This isn't about me, nor do I actually know anyone personally that has an eating disorder. But please say a prayer for those who do. <3
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138,428 Literary Works • 672,118 Reviews
Hey! Forever here with a short review!!
). That's not a big problem though.
This is the second thoughtful piece I am reading today. I quite liked reading it and exploring the person. Okay, so this was a very heart-rending story you have here. It's actually quite sad to imagine the story happening in reality. It made me wonder about how people suffer all around the world.
The person has developed a very bad sort of eating disorder by not eating food and paining themself. I do wonder a bit about for how many days they are doing it since. Is it many days or only one or two days? From what I understood, it's the former and now I am afraid that the person is actually underweight rather than being overweight.
We can also see how the society has influenced them. I am always against this sort of bad influence. The girl, maybe a former friend of her has teased her and manipulated her in a terrible way that she is thinking more about her appearance than herself.
The end of the story was a bit confusing to me. The main problem, from the person's POV seems to be the fact that they are fat. That didn't start when they stopped eating... Or did that? If a person stops eating, they should actually become thinner. I am a bit confused about what really happened there. Would like clarification. Guess I misinterpreted it... Another thing is that you forgot to put space between many words(or maybe YWS ate it, who knows
Overall, this was a good read full of a lot of thoughts.
Keep Writing!!
~Forever
I really like where you're going with this, it's a really good start! I can't wait to see what else there is to come.
Hey Anchor!
Long time no speak.
I haven't got time for a full on review, so I'll just give you my overall thoughts.
Firstly, this topic is so now, it's unbelievable. Though I personally don't know anyone going through the same thing as the MC, it hurts to think how many people there are in the world battling with their weight. It's just so sad.
That being said, I think it makes for a great idea for a story. The only problem was, this doesn't strike me as a story. It's too short. Really it's like flash fiction. We don't know enough about the MC to care fully for her and there isn't really any progression to the piece. It's just emotion and description, which was good, but not enough to make the piece amazing as it is - if you want it to come across as a story. If you don't, then you don't need to change it. But if you do want it to be a story, then maybe having more than one scene will help. Perhaps some dialogue too. This strikes me as something that could be made into a longer piece. It could even be the start of a novel.
The other thing I couldn't help but notice, was the switch in tenses. One minute it's past tense and then it's present. This makes for a very disjointed read, and perhaps that's why I found it a little harder than usual to connect with the MC.
I'd usually correct it all for you, but as I don't have much time I'll just say that I think this works better in present tense. For the reader then, it would be like living her pain as they read. Very effective for getting the reader to sympathise with the MC, me thinks.
I hope this helps, Anchor! Any questions, write on my wall
xDudettex