I just want to go
somewhere flying.
A place where my
spirit isn't dying.
A place where I
can get rid of all my worries.
A place where time has stopped,
and I can live without any hurries.
A place in the clouds
where I can be me.
A place where my spirit
Like a hawk flies free.
A place where I
Can taste some peace.
A place where all
My problems cease.
A place where I'm
All alone.
A place all mysterious
And unknown.
A place where life feels different.
A place where I can be a child
And be all ignorant.
A place where my
Scars can be healed.
A place of which I've
Always dreamed.
A place where life
Isn't so harsh.
A place somewhere among the stars
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hello! Wow, I really really love this poem. I love how you play with the message of healing that lost childhood, finally, finding the place that you have always dreamed of, and finally feeling safe and healed at last. Let's jump right into the review.
To begin, I was blown away by your awesome rhyme scheme. In my opinion, the rhymes were very consistent, and did well throughout the entire poem. I like how you follow the same pattern, while maintaining such an elegant and beautiful tone, reflecting on such a painful past.
I love the simplicity of your words. But at the same time, this poem still impacts me so deeply. One thing I loved was that you didn't use overly complicated language or metaphors to try and get a point across. I felt that it was very straightforward which is something that I really appreciate in this type of poetry. Overall, I feel this desire that you have to be free at last to fly in the sky. You do a great job at setting that tone and desire for that peace and control perhaps.
I also like how you attach these different nature themes to give us the sense of calm. I would have to say that my favorite part is probably at the very end when you talk about wishing to be in the stars. I feel like these different things you describe to represent so much. Perhaps it's the desire to finally feel loved, or the desire to finally feel free, like you aren't constrained to someone else as well.Whatever it is, thank you for writing this poem, which feels very healing to me. I wish you all the best and finding your place and your people who you love. Thanks for writing this, and have a great day!
Your friend,
Ellie
Hi there Anaya! I haven't had a chance to review your poetry, so am happy to have a chance this Review Day ~ hope you are having a wonderful day!
First Impressions & Interpretation
The poem expresses the feelings of wanderlust ~ that the speaker wants to go somewhere but it's sort of an unspecified "over there" that is mysterious, and new, and free, and without burdens. They the list many hopes they have for this place, though in the final line "among the stars" as a reader I feel the speaker is admitting the place doesn't exist or isn't accessible in this life-time with "beyond the stars" kind of an admission of the hope that has hoped too far.
Though the poem's set-up is rather simple and direct you have a bit of rhyme throughout and what looks like some intentional repetition (of "I" and "all") that propels the poem forward.
Line by Line Comments
Have you considered breaking your poem up into stanzas? I'm not sure if it's necessary for such a short poem, but it may make readers be able to appreciate the individual images and thoughts a bit more clearly - poems without stanzas tend to kind of be "read in one breath" so sometimes the individual images get blurred together. I think with the rhyme scheme the poem could quite easily be broken into 4-6 stanzas. Just something you may want to play around with!
In these opening lines the reader is introduced to the primary conflict of the poem -> the speaker wants to go somewhere else. I would love to see you take hold of that "flight" metaphor a bit more -> it comes up here and in the final line in reference to the stars -> but I think more could be done, and it might even be interesting for the speaker to fully imagine themselves as a flightless bird or something. Metaphors like these kind of elevate the poem beyond just the literal sense of the words and give more avenues for understanding and interpretation.
"without any hurries" -> this line kind of tripped me up, I thought the phrasing was a tad odd. I know you're trying to preserve the rhyme between "worries" and "hurries" but maybe it'd be better phrased..
In the next chunk - you pick up the flight theme a bit more -> and also mention the idea of spirit once more. "where problems cease" is a little vague - but I think the rhyming is smooth in this section.
It's interesting that the speaker longs to be alone! I wonder why.
It feels in this stanza that the speaker is hinting at some bigger needs and longings and problems, but they're only hinted at and not expanded. I think that's one aspect of this poem -> I'd like to see what you could do if you'd try a re-write without the rhyme scheme and just expanded on the emotions and flight imagery - > I think there's a lot of room for expansion but perhaps the rhyme scheme is keeping some of those avenues for things to go deeper restricted.
I thought it was interesting that you chose not to end in a period? But I do like the ending imagery of dreams and stars - > it's a hopeful and yet bitterly hopeful because it seems even more unreachable.
A Note on Capitalization / Punctuation
I think that this poem could take a second look at capitalization - at the beginning it seemed you capitalized at sentence beginnings then mid-way through went to capitalizing at line beginnings - it seemed a bit random to me. The punctuation choices, apart from the final line seemed to follow more of an intentional pattern that could be followed though.
Overall Thoughts
Overall - I think you've got a really great theme for a poem about longing for a place that is unreachable - so many great images and emotions that can be used to describe that -> I think that one way you can elevate this poem a bit is to get a little more specific with those images and emotions around that theme. Right now it seems like things are a bit vaguely described which makes it a little harder to picture and connect to - you've got a great theme though and that's often the hardest part of writing! You've got some nice rhyme incorporated in here and I'm excited to read more of your work in the future - keep on writing!
alliyah
Thank you so so so much for your invaluable opinion!!
Hi....welcome to YWS
This poem really captivated me. It explores the idea of wanting an escape—a place where we can truly be ourselves without needing to explain anything to anyone. I think this is something everyone can relate to at some point.
I was particularly drawn to the line, "A place where I can be a child and can be all ignorant." It beautifully conveys the wish to return to the innocence of childhood, a time when worries and responsibilities were absent. This longing for simplicity and freedom from problems is something many of us can relate to.
Overall, the poem is a touching exploration of these feelings. Its vivid imagery and emotional depth make it a compelling read. Keep up the good work!
Thank you so much!!
I'm just going to be honest and say that I am bored out of my mind and have a headache, so this might not be the best review in the whole world
sorry this review was short but my head feels like it's splitting, so bye! have a nice day!
i'm usually not the biggest fan of short lines, I'll be honest. you have to scroll down repeatedly until you reach the end. so I'm glad your poem ain't too long.
honestly, I can relate to this! try your closet. if it doesn't have carpet and if it's cold, then grab a blanket and pad it to the ground. then grab another one and wrap it around yourself. lock yourself in the closet and read a book on your phone, or on a computer, or whatever. you posted here so I know you have some device. it has always calmed me down and it works like a charm. saved me from a lot of crazy hysteria moments and actually got me to think clearly. and if the blanket is stuffy, a sheet works perfectly well. has a lot "cleaner" feeling or whatever, like you could get a breath of fresh air. if you have claustrophobia this might not work very well for you, though. its usually the tiny spaces that calm me down. I'm just sharing what I do
Thank you so much!! I really value your opinion. Honestly if I could, I would stay wrapped in a fluffy blanket all day long.